Not sure how much longer

[iamtherealitycheck]

Hi please bare with me:
I am married happily for several years with children. DH hasn't been able to have sex or get aroused for months due to needing his foreskin removed. Dr prescribed cream which didn't work and now he needs it removed. He's in pain. However he hasn't gone to the Dr to get the referral and doesn't seem like he's bothered. Me on the other hand is very much struggling, I don't have a hug sex drive and we are content with a couple times a month but having not had it for six months I'm so sexually frustrated. I'm so sad for him being in pain but angry he hasn't tried to make any effort to fix it. Not sure what else I can do.

Book it for him

You are not entitled to make any medical decisions for him. That has to come from him.

On the other hand, you are perfectly entitled to decide that the current arrangement is untenable and leave him.

@iamtherealitycheck

It's called phimosis the operation is circumcision and is usually done under local anaesthetic. He will be fine after about 3 weeks provided there are no problems. Not having it done could lead to tearing during sex. Has he been able to have sex in the past? In the old days it would have been picked up much earlier [school medicals etc] and indeed many men had it done [without consent or anaesthetic!] as a newborn

I'm not saying I want to leave him. He is my world. I'm saying it's frustrating when he wants to solve the problem but won't book it. Yes this has only occurred in last year. I hate seeing him in pain I just wish he would do something.

It is difficult if he won't go as there isn't really much choice if he has tried creams. Have you talked to him about having it done and his concerns? I suppose it doesn't take much to work it out.

Honestly he needs to take the leap. My DH has it done although not for medical reasons. Because of that he went private but meant that there were other techniques available. The Dr who did DH used like a ring clamp which was really easy and minimal pain really whereas the NHS do a cut and stitches which we were told swells a lot more and is more discomfort. Disadvantage is cost £600.

DH was delighted with result...me even more so as I really like,him circumcised. Looks lovely as well

Voxx says that you are not entitled to make any medical decisions for him, but that you are entitled to leave him over this.

In the strictest of interpretations she is correct, but this is a man who is your world. If I were in your place I would be making an appointment with the GP, telling him about it, and also telling that I wished to be with him to offer support at what must be an embarrassing time for him.

Many men are notoriously bad about going to see a GP with health issues, not just ones connected to their sex lives, so if you can help him over this hurdle then you are doing him a huge favour. You are helping to create a model for him regarding seeing his Doctor so that should he ever have something serious, such as blood in his stools, he will going straight to the surgery instead of ignoring it until it is too late.

You may think that a threat to leave might achieve the same purpose, and indeed it might, but think what message it will send to him about the depth of your regard for him. My view is that he needs your help in order to help himself.

It depends what is causing the phimosis
I would ask for a referral to a urologist and visit the GUM (not because I am suggesting that he has a sti ) they are specialist dermatologists
If he doesn’t want to lose his foreskin then a dorsal slit may be an option
In any event it is unfair that you haven’t had sex for so long and without action it won’t be improving anytime soon
It is a matter of helping him to fix it

F4standloud talks a lot of sense. Had your DH had this problem since birth, then it would still of course need sorting but if it has only happened in the last 12 months, then I'd be wanting to know about any underlying cause as well as actually dealing with the phimosis.

For the reason above I reckon that a consultation with a specialist sounds like a much better idea than a GP's prescription for some ointment.

I second the idea of a dorsal slit as opposed to a circumcision and I'd be wanting to discuss this as an option if surgery is recommended.

I had my "polo neck" removed just over 4 years ago due to phimosis, it's one of the best things I've ever done. Sex is much better now.

Ask for dorsal slit option to still retain forskin

@rwalker
Given he is at the point of having some sort of surgery, he might actually prefer a proper circumcision. Some guys are having done now purely out of preference. I was really pleased he did it

@iamtherealitycheck
@rwalker

There is no point in not having a circumcision done if there is a medical need. The dorsal slit looks very odd [and "flaps about" sometimes IMHO]

How are things now?

Though we have had hospital letter confirming referral been accepted and we are waiting for appt which is real progress and one step closer my poor man is now in pain even when weeing x

OP...given CV I doubt they will do any routine stuff for ages after this finishes so if you can afford it then go private. They will see you in no time and if in pain it seems sensible

Are you asking just about the medical side, or also about your sexual frustration?