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Original poster

He is really bad in bed

26 replies

NomDeDespair · 15/02/2020 09:19

I am looking for some tips to help me. I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years. The problem is he is really bad in bed and I’m fed up with it.

I make sure that he is happy and he gets lots of oral which he loves. However, when it gets to ‘my turn’ so to speak, I often have to remind him that I haven’t orgasmed. He then half heartedly sorts me out. Last time I just told him to stop because he was just rubbing me whilst staring at the ceiling looking totally bored.

I’ve told him this and it hasn’t improved. It’s getting to the stage where I don’t want to have sex with him because I just end up feeling used for his pleasure.

Does anyone have any tips please to help me?

Thanks Smile

OP posts:
Justaordinarybloke · 15/02/2020 10:19

I think you have to give him a ultimatum...stop been selfish or your ending it. With my ex I never stopped until she at least had 1 orgasm, oral is as important (if not more than) as actual sex and I loved that side to it. Don't let him inside you till he's satisfied you that way hell work it out he's not getting anything till your happy.

John470322 · 15/02/2020 16:13

I can't decide which is best, getting a blow job or doing oral on my wife. Me having an orgasm or her having one.
He us missing so much pleasure but if he is not interested in your pleasure it is his loss. You will find another man who wants you to be happy

HopeYouStepOnALego · 15/02/2020 16:25

Maybe alternate so he gives you oral first and if he doesn't put any effort in to it then he doesn't get his 'turn'. If you're giving him oral first every time then he's satisfied and feels he doesn't have to make any effort back. If things don't improve then consider if you want to remain with this man because he's lazy and not considerate of your enjoyment of sex.

Original poster
NomDeDespair · 15/02/2020 16:36

Thanks everyone. I’ve tried insisting I get mine first but it tends to happen that he then can’t get hard after.

I’m just really frustrated!

OP posts:
Justaordinarybloke · 15/02/2020 16:46

He can't get hard after what? After giving you oral?

Original poster
NomDeDespair · 15/02/2020 17:04

Or doing anything to me other than immediately putting himself in my mouth or inside me.

OP posts:
Blokenamechangesexboard · 15/02/2020 17:16

He sounds pretty hopeless.

How old is he? Is he in good health? What does he say about all this?

Justaordinarybloke · 15/02/2020 17:27

I wouldn't dream of doing that to a partner. I always made sure my ex came first before actual sex. He really needs kicking into touch he obviously has no respect for you that's not a healthy relationship & sexlife

Original poster
NomDeDespair · 15/02/2020 17:58

He’s mid 40s. I’m ten years younger. He’s generally in good health. I’m convinced that he is just selfish.

OP posts:
Justaordinarybloke · 15/02/2020 18:23

You seem prepared to put up with that

Original poster
NomDeDespair · 15/02/2020 18:31

I have been fairly sympathetic for a long while but it’s just getting me down.

I just want him to be as enthusiastic about my pleasure as I am about his pleasure.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 15/02/2020 18:41

It’s time to read the riot act!

Justaordinarybloke · 15/02/2020 18:44

Just refuse him sex full stop and stick to your guns. Pleasure yourself when alone if needed to release some needs.

velocitygirl7 · 15/02/2020 22:38

He sounds terrible in bed. Selfish and lazy, not a winning combination!
My dh likes to have what he calls 'silver medal sex' He comes second every time Grin

PussGirl · 16/02/2020 00:28

"silver medal sex" - Grin - I like that - my DP does the same, in fact often he doesn't come at all himself, preferring to let it build up for a few days.

RUSU92 · 16/02/2020 00:48

I’ve tried insisting I get mine first but it tends to happen that he then can’t get hard after. Tough shit! He'll have to take his turn.

1forAll74 · 16/02/2020 04:56

Well, after six years. he should be a super stud ! But sadly some men are pretty rubbish sexually, especially when 40 plus. Staring at the ceiling looking bored made me laugh, it should be you doing that.!

Your partner maybe not selfish, but a bit lazyish as to your needs, and in a rut in his mindset about what he thinks is good sex.So as you are younger, you need to up the game so to speak. and give him some new insights into sexual chemistry and all that.

MadamShazam · 17/02/2020 10:20

I can't believe you have put up with rubbish sex for 6 years!!! I'm sorry OP, but seeing as you have tried to turn things around and he is still being selfish, i would be getting rid of him.

TooTrueToBeGood · 17/02/2020 16:59

He sounds selfish and I don't think you can change that. You might be able to persuade him to give you more attention but you're not going to alter the fact that he is not naturally motivated to do so. If it's important to you, and it's 100% fine that it should be, I'd consider whether the rest of your relationship is enough to compensate for shit sex or begrudged passable sex.

SimplySteveRedux · 19/02/2020 02:23

Or doing anything to me other than immediately putting himself in my mouth or inside me.

So he essentially sees you as a repository if and when he desires it; that your pleasure isn't important. He is being utterly disrespectful to you, I'll wager it's replicated in other areas of your relationship too.

He's not worthy of you, you're worth so much more. Thanks

SimplySteveRedux · 19/02/2020 02:24

My dh likes to have what he calls 'silver medal sex' He comes second every time

I'm so stealing this GrinGrin

Marshmello · 19/02/2020 13:27

He's a selfish bugger and his lack of inspiration might have started out as lack of confidence but now he's just selfish and can't be bothered.

I know. Been there.

The thing is, amazing lovers are few and far between, unfortunately. And yes you can tell the difference when one of them even looks at you ...

All you can do is talk to him. Good luck :( xx

Original poster
NomDeDespair · 19/02/2020 19:51

Just to update, we had a chat the other day and things have been slightly better this week.

OP posts:
MadamShazam · 19/02/2020 20:59

@NomDeDespair, thats good, but make sure things continue to improve, as only slightly better isn't really good enough.Flowers

SimplySteveRedux · 20/02/2020 05:47

I doubt his mannerism change will last, and he'll transform to the horrible person you've detailed.

Quote of mine - "Striving for things, day to day, projects, relationships etc, requires serious hard work. Sadly, so many people are unable, too selfish, too arrange to even work hard with something they enjoy".

I suspect your husband will revert to type.

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