Feeling deflated...literally

[Sophie0579]

Your advice needed please....so I’ve been dating this guy who is really nice and seems genuine but one major drawback....three times now he hasn’t been able to perform in bed. Before meeting me he took over a year off dating after a bad relationship with a narcissistic ex. He says he’s lost his confidence but that was over a year ago now and he decided to start dating again because he felt ready. Its now the third time we’ve got down to it and he seems keen and initiates it but can’t follow through enough. The first two times I was super sympathetic and understanding but now I’m getting a bit fed up with it and feeling deflated about it. When you start dating someone that initial lust and passion should be amazing and we are missing out on that because of this. What do u think? Am I being harsh or would you feel the same?

I think your maybe been at bit to harsh? He's probably over his past but now worried after not performing not only first time but twice. Why don't you initiate it before he does and stop at full sex unless he's up for it (literally) massaging, oral foreplay to relax him. Once he's overcome his performance anxiety the sparks will.soon fly.

I don't know, it's been 3 times now. I did initiated the last time & we have gone the whole foreplay, kissing, taking it slow. It's hard to stay turned on when you can see & feel that it's not happening for your partner. I'm just disappointed that these early days should be filled with passionate, lustful sex

My first guess is stage fright. Does he get hard but not manage to maintain it? Or does he not get hard at any time? But if he’s not showing any lust, passion, or enthusiasm perhaps he’s either not that into you or not ready.

If he's 100% willing & trying then stick with him. Yes I guess the lustful early stage sex should be there from the start but its easier for a woman than it is a man (as someone said stagefrieght) and that is every mans worst nightmare. You don't mention how long you've been together. Things will get better and you'll wonder why you was worried before and be glad you waited. Also talk to him with reassurance that will lift a lot of pressure of him.