Lack of experience sexually

[Aubreyaubrey]

Firstly, me and my boyfriend have a great sex life in my opinion, always fun and exciting for me. But he has had a lot of partners before me (100+) whereas I've only had 4. I cannot shake the feeling that he has done so much before me and that I'm just comfortable for him. What can I do to shake that feeling?

How old is this guy that's had 100+ lovers.

Someone that has had 4 lovers can be more experienced in the bedroom that someone who is just a cannon that goes off all the time.

If you've had fewer partners you could easily make a better lover in my opinion because you have had the chance to learn the art of finding someone's buttons and what makes them tick by gauging reactions and other signals carefully . It's all about quality and definitely not quantity !

I agree with the poster who said that someone with 4 partners could have wider experience than someone with 100 as the trust and intimacy in a longer relationship could lead to a wider range of experiences - and a lot more sex overall over the years than someone having lots of one night stands or brief flings.

Work on your confidence, I guess. Like others have said a lot of sexual partners doesn't equate to better skills in bed. Sometimes it does, other times not. A bit irrelevant really and certainly nothing to brag about.

100plus? Wow that’s a lot, and I would imagine unless he’s very old, that he can’t have spent much time getting to know what these women liked. You may be much more experienced in that respect than him. Surely he only slept with all these women once to get to that number?

Well maybe not once but you know what I mean

It's probably closer to 200 but he was pretty easy that respect, half before marriage, half after his divorce. A very long faithful marriage in between. I'm certainly not more experienced technically though, he seems to very adept in lots of ways. He never brags either, he says it's irrelevant.

I agree I need to believe in myself more. I know I'm sexy and desirable but his experience almost makes me feel intimidated at times, like there will be no firsts for us

He says it's irrelevant because it is

I bet you could have a first of some kind! If it's affordable for you - go to a sex club in Amsterdam - Fun4two, Fata Morgana for example. If you're sporty and into stuff like that then you could try pole fitness as a hobby. However. All these suggestions - they are for you! For him, you are already great. He wouldn't be with you if you weren't.

I can personally attest to the fact that more lovers does not equal a more experienced lover themself. I'm 32, my SO is 35, I've had 6 lovers (he's the 6th) and he's had a substantial amount more than that - I don't know exact numbers because I don't ask questions if I know the answer will hurt me and the answer is irrelevant to our current relationship regardless. However from talking and sharing stories over the years I can guesstimate that it's 50 at the lowest, 100 is probably closest to accurate and 150 would be my highest estimate.

I was in the same position as you when we starting dating OP, the more I learned about his past the more self conscious I got. Then something happened that changed my thinking - he told me he'd never had an orgasm from getting oral sex - which I thought was a fib at first, but then after trying multiple times the way he said that he liked it with no orgasm, I believed him. Now the type of blowjob he wanted and said he "loved" was literally porn style, down my throat, eyes watering - the whole bit (and fyi, he didn't thrust into my mouth, I had 100% control, I was just trying to give him what he "enjoyed").

Anywho, one evening, I asked him if I could go down on him, and he started with the "You know I can't get off that way... and I hate how it hurts your throat the next day" I said "I don't want to give you THAT kind if blowjob. I want to take my time and make you feel good" he seemed hesitant at first, but after 30+ minutes of softly kissing and licking all of his lower body (tummy and thighs as well as his phallus) he was like "Babe...I think I'm going to... I'm going to..." and that was that. Afterwards he was like "I had no idea I could have an orgasm from getting head, you're amazing!" It made me feel much better, and since then we've had conversations about the fact that since all my lovers were long term relationships I got the time to learn their bodies and I got the feeling that since he had few relationships, mostly one night stands - that he'd never be able to get to a level where you learn your lovers body from head to toe. He tells me I'm the best lover he's had and I believe him (and knowing that he's had quite a few, that actually boosts my confidence now).

@ExceptionFatale great post and much appreciated. I hope we aren't seeing the same man as mine also doesn't come and rarely has done in the past. I also would have taken the approach that you say yours 'thinks' he likes but I might try your slower method next time. I'm looking forward to it....!

@Aubreyaubrey Hehe, I don't think we're dating the same man as I'm a US Mumsnetter :)

It can be tough dating a man with an extensive amount of previous sexual partners as it's intimidating thinking that you're either being compared to past lovers he's had or that you'll never measure up to a past experience.

But as I said in my previous post, amount =/= quality, and from my experience he's expressed to me that I'm the best sexual partner he's had and I believe him - I don't think he's just saying it to make me feel good as he's just not that type of guy - he's brutally honest to a fault if I ask, but in this case he'd just say nothing rather than fib if it weren't true.

So if you can manage to turn this around to the point that it boosts your self esteem rather than hurting it, that's what I'd shoot for - being the best lover you can be for each other - learn each other's bodies from head to toe and you'll blow any previous one night stands out of the water =] I wish you the best of luck hun - big hugs - In rooting for you!