Hi! Name changed for this as I'm really embarrassed about it.
For as long as I've been sexually active I've had a fear of orgasms. I was quite interested in sex during puberty and would masterbate but always stop just before orgasm. Further down the line, a few different sexual partners and a long term relationship with my now fiancé later I still hate orgasms.
I fear it so much that the idea of it puts me off sex all together. It's weird because I enjoy the rest of sex but as soon as my partner tries to focus too much on me I just completely snap out of enjoyment. I have had orgasms but I just find them really intense and not really that pleasant.
Not too sure what my question is really. I just wanted some advice on how to enjoy myself more because I feel like I'm missing out.
I was sexually assaulted as a 16 year old so as not to drip feed, but as the problem predates this I don't think it's relevant.