I'm worried I'm no good at sex

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife]

I'm 34, female and worried.

My ex husband cheated on me, my boyfriend after him never seemed interested in sex with me and the latest guy I started seeing disappeared on me after sleeping together twice.

I'm just worried it's a reflection on how good I am at sex. I've also had 2 children and worry that men wont find me as 'tight'. Is here any hope?

I can understand why you might feel that way, but your sample pool is relatively small.

Your husband cheated because he was the cheating type, not because of your sexual performance. Did he ever complain about sex or ask for more/different types of sex? If not, you can scratch that one off the list.

The second guy was maybe just not very sexual. We all have different libidos and not every guy is always up for it. Plenty of threads on here where men aren't interested, so scratch him off the list, too.

As for last guy, he was probably just looking for something new and will go from woman to woman, seeking variety. Or maybe he just didn't feel like you were the one - could be all sorts of reasons.

If you are enthusiastic, willing to try different positions and don't have any obvious hang ups or strange quirks, I highly doubt there is anything wrong with your performance.

I think your recent experiences have damaged your self-esteem. From my male perspective, a woman being "good" at sex begins and ends with her being interested and enthusiastic. As long as I feel she's into me and mutually enjoying the intimacy that's all I really want. I'm not looking for some weird level of technical expertise and I suspect you're overthinking it at that level.

As to tightness, I think that is very much the sort of nonsense schoolboys and men who have never matured worry about. It certainly doesn't cross my mind nor have any of my emotionally mature male friends ever brought it up in conversation. For reference, my wife has had six children all by vaginal delivery and we haven't had any issues as far as tightness or lack of is concerned.

Sounds to me that the men you have been with are not good at sex. Don’t blame yourself.

If it makes you feel better I know that I am crap!

@StarlightLady

It takes two? Surely?

@StarlightLady

- too quick off the mark there! -

I think enthusiasm and showing that you are enjoying it makes for good sex. For me I love eye contact and hearing that my partner is having a good time.

@onemorerose

100% agree. Nothing worse than someone lying there quiet, hardly moving and not asking for anything or suggesting different things, totally passive.

Absolutely, knowing someone is enjoying themselves with you and them being vocal about it is such a turn on to hear.

I think your previous partners just weren't great. Believe in yourself, know your worth. Enjoy sex. I only really started enjoying sex in the last year and that's because I met someone who thinks im super hot and is completely uninhibited. It's really made me come out of my shell and I feel great now. Before I thought sex was off the menu and not my thing as wasn't great.

You’ve just been unlucky OP.

You will feed off of the right partner

There are only two considerations to be good at sex - good manners and enthusiasm. I think the clown's pocket thing is a misogynistic myth too.