What would you think of this sex life?

[christmasstress]

DP and I have been together 4 years. We don't live together and see each other once a week. He is (I suspect as he wouldn't ever discuss sex) very inexperienced with sex. I'm not.
The problem I suppose is when we have sex he has his way of doing things - he gets very turned on very quickly. Our foreplay consists of kissing and him grinding into me. He will play with boobs but it is mainly grinding! With actual sex he comes incredibly quickly, a minute or two and we are done.

I suppose the problem is really that he never goes down on me, rarely touches me below the waist. He willingly receives oral if I'm on a period etc though. I used to love giving oral but I don't on him - he isn't circumcised and is incredibly sensitive which I find hard (!) to work with. He loves me to dress up and we have various paddles etc which started off as something I wanted to explore but has now turned into what he really likes. He likes to call me a bitch as well.

Basically I have been faking orgasms for four years. We don't talk about sex - even a quick shag results in him telling me I'm very naughty. He is very old fashioned.

So I don't drop feed - we do have other issues. Just curious if anyone else has a sex life resembling mine?!?

What you describe is not a sex life. Faking orgasms for four years!!!!!!!!! Some how you're going to have to have a discussion about this with your DP. It is unsustainable, isn't it?

@christmasstress

Although he won't "discuss" it can you not kindly show him what to do?

@Ferretyone - he knows what to do. In the past he has used his fingers a few times, not for long, and I've told him how how good it was and left him in no doubt I like it! Same with going down on me, he has done it for a min or two a couple of times and has been left in no doubt it's a good thing for me!

think you are banging your head on a brick wall to be honest he is quite happy with how things are so dont see a need for change.

It sounds crap tbh. And it doesn’t sound like it’s going to change. Do you want to have rubbish sex for the rest of your life? Because that’s your future if you stay with him.

@StateOfMind yep. I'm rapidly realising that. I bloody love good sex too!

Have you established why he won’t go down on you?

@NameChangeNugget like I said, we don't talk about things really. I don't mind if he just doesn't like doing it, but the fact he never really touches me at all bothers me.

Quit faking it and see how her reacts. The problem with faking is it rewards crap sex if done regularly. Youth can always blame age hormones etc and then get him to explore things that would help you

You not youth!!

He sounds selfish rather than unadventurous so could you introduce toys?

Four years of shit sex. Do you have kids? Do you think he could change?
Is it worth all this effort?

Four years if rubbish sex like this. You have been very patient.

Either you can work with him to "develop" him but he is likely to just take the huff...or dump him. I would g for the dump option as living like this will, as it is doing just grate you. Having a DP that really knows how to turn you in and feel intimate and wanted is amazing feeling. Sometimes I just want to feel a little dominated by him as well and it doesn't seem your bloke could over do that.

What @Tyersal said! You are rewarding bad sex by faking it. Your sex life sounds truly awful, and you need to start telling him exactly what you want.

Basically I have been faking orgasms for four years

I have never ever faked an orgasm I can't believe you've been faking for this long.

I was also in a relationship with someone where I faked it for almost 5 years, and the sex was very similar to what you described. It's so easy to get stuck in the cycle of faking, because once you have faked a couple of times you feel like you have to keep it up, and they think they know how to get you off. I was very young at the time and too embarrassed to speak up. I can't believe I let it go on for so long. To be honest your best bet is to probably split up, unless you think you can have an honest conversation and he won't mind the fact you have lied for so long x

I just cannot understand why you have faked this for four years. I get grumpy if he doesn't give me an orgasm...which is very rare as if all else fails, he is a wiz with his tongue.

Aren't women supposed to take responsibility for their own orgasms? Why all the pressure on the partner?

@noego eh? I see what you are saying but a sexual relationship is about the giving and receiving of pleasure. So what, is the OP meant to just get herself off because her partner can't or won't do it? No matter which way you look at it, her sex life is pretty rubbish.

@MadamShazan.

I was referring to PP.

But in OP's case. Do not let him near you until you are ready to. In other words no PIV until you are turned on enough. Continue with the kissing and cuddling as long as you need to, to get fully aroused.
Take responsibility!!

The thing that strikes me @christmasstress is that he knows how to pleasure you as you have shown him and he has done it-but stopped after two minutes , which makes it seem like he can't be bothered. He gets his rocks off and that's fine.

In his defence if you don't be blunt with him he will never know. Good sex is important and you can't live forever faking. I've done this and it's soul destroying. I have been in exactly the same position as you and now that I'm not I look back and hate that I put up with that for so long.

Your needs are as important as his and it isn't even about experience as my DP has had a couple of lovers before me and that's it. He is great.
My ex had hundreds. And was shit.
It's about willingness.
If it were me I'd mentally give it a cut off point. Tell him, teach him and then if it fails move on.