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Would your feelings be hurt?

9 replies

Mumoftwox · 27/12/2019 23:18

Posted in relationships didn't get a response so thought I would post here.

So me and my fiance have been together 8 year 3 kids together. Last night we were watching TV and I feel asleep, literally right after I feel asleep he has downloaded samsung internet from play store and deleted it. I questioned him on it and he admitted he watched porn and masturbated. I feel hurt that the minute I have fell asleep that's what he has thought of, and also how do i know that was all he was doing, as it seems a tad extreme downloaded

OP posts:
icanbreathagain · 27/12/2019 23:48

Ask him to next time wake you and share...!

NameChangeNugget · 28/12/2019 00:14

I agree with @icanbreathagain

Get him to share it with you next time. Don’t be offended

Sparkybloke · 28/12/2019 06:36

Well my OH would be offended I suspect. Depends on your attitude to porn really. I do masturbate when we are apart....I've even sent her naughty snaps which she loves....but I'd have woken her up for "assistance" if I was really keen but I'd probably have waited till she was awake although my OH would not have minded being woken! You probably need a friendly conversation with you partner and hopefully next time things will be different...

PrawnSacrifice · 28/12/2019 11:04

Depends on the dynamic and attitude to porn in the relationship.

With my DW, if she has fallen asleep it's because she's tired. If she's tired, sex is not on the agenda, If she was feeling horny, she'd not have fallen asleep and may have initiated. Therefore I know better than to wake her from sleep for sex - I know the answer already, therefore I'm perfectly within my rights to masturbate without disturbing her.

Porn is not a bad thing in our house, therefore its use is a non-event.

My feelings would not be hurt in reverse.

Sparkle567 · 01/01/2020 11:23

You were asleep... how would you of reacted if he woke you for sex?

Also why are you monitoring what he downloads!

Anonymous1419 · 01/01/2020 14:43

I think it says more about your attitude to porn and maybe feelings of rejection.

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday whose marriage ended last year. No sex. He got fat. She got turned off. She was very Church-y and religious at the time. They stayed together as worried about shame and judgment from their respective families. Limited experience for her up to that point. (She's nearly 50 and only kissed four men ever.)

She mentioned that her husband was open about watching porn and masturbating. She could not process and thought it was dirty and disgusting.

I tried to suggest to her that it was her that viewed it that way and not everyone feels that way. My now wife once asked me "where I learned to fuck like that?' and I replied "Well, I haven't but I watch a lot of porn!"

Masturbation is a really private and intimate thing. It's right up there with pooing in terms of something people like to keep really private and NOT talk about. Most of the women I've slept with never admitted to it. I've always been open about it. I tried to talk to my GF about it when I was 15 or 16 and she was horrified but curious. She kept pretending that she didn't know what it was somehow. I think upbringing is a big part of it.

You were asleep and he wanted the release so he wanked himself off.
My wife asked me to masturbate in front of her the third night we spent together. She wanted to watch me make myself climax so she could use the same technique. I'd come from a 'deadbedroom' relationship at the time and tbh I was nervous at her request but also turned on and quite relieved by it. You have to put yourself out there in a barest way possible. So I popped down my shorts and began to play. She was turned on and then joined in. We reached climax at pretty much the same time. It was very intimate and did bring us closer together.

We were able to talk about porn. She hadn't seen much. We watched some together. Sometimes it can be foreplay. Sometimes it can be some sexy sounds in the background. It can also be a bit awkward as well. Alone you can get turned on by it quite easily, but watching with another you can see how fake it can be and it can feel like less of a turn on.

Watching someone masturbate next to you can be amazing. It's truly intimate but it takes a lot of build up of trust to get to that point.
Like the earlier poster said to get past it you have to accept it, or encourage the interaction by saying "OMG you should have woken me up, because that would really turn me on to watch you!"

Trust me, it's a big step for him to do that, especially if you were tired out. If you can both be open about masturbation then it can be amazing. There's no need to hide it from the other person.

If you really want to push the limits, try buying him a Fleshlight and maybe you can use that with him for the times you don't want PiV.

Ss770640 · 01/01/2020 19:14

Every bloke watches porn.

We are visual creatures.

Ask him to watch together.

Perfectly normal. No need to be hurt.

amillionwishes · 02/01/2020 19:50

Every bloke does not watch porn.

Many do, but not every bloke. I wouldn't be hurt but I also watch porn so I'd be a hypocrite if I said I'd be hurt. It's whatever your boundaries are as a couple, really.

You need a chat about it, I think. Discuss what the boundaries are (surely you'd have already talked about it if porn was a deal breaker?)

Spasiba · 06/01/2020 14:27

He was honest when you asked him. That, to me, says nothing to worry about.

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