I find it disappointing that a person has sought to shame the OP for her sexuality. If you have a different take on what is fun in the bedroom, then please walk on by without trying to cast aspersions. Now that I have said my piece on that, I can proceed.
I feel that there is absolutely nothing wrong in trying to influence your partner into exploring dominance and dirty talk. If he has said that it is something that he specifically does not want to get involved in, then and only then does it become abusive if you continue to pressure him. There is so much fun to be had by doing a bit of exploration in relationships, both in and out of the bedroom. Life would become very boring for me if I didn't try new things with my partner. We love trying new food, different cultures, destinations, etc., so it is entirely natural to think the same way with sex. I cannot imagine spending my sexual life having simple PIV intercourse for all eternity.
I suppose there are two choices of how you might want to proceed: either baby steps, or throwing him in at the deep end. My partner and I have done a mixture of the two over the past few years as our interest in dominance and restraint has grown. I would recommend giving plenty of encouraging feedback to him. If you suggest something and he complies, tell him how good it was for you and that you cannot wait for him to do it again. If you want him to do something and he does it, then tell him how thrilling it was that he did what you asked him to do. Most of us in relationships derive immense pleasure from giving our loved ones sexual satisfaction; it isn't about what we get from sex, it is more about what we can give to others. If such was not the case, we would indulge only in masturbation apart from when we wanted to procreate. Once you adopt that mindset, you tend to be given a great deal of pleasure by your partner. It is a basic human trait that we like to make others happy, so do your best to encourage him.
We all respond differently, but you could find out something that he really likes and use it in reward-based exploration: if he does X to you, you will trade and do Y for him. Have fun, be playful, and laugh in between your moans of pleasure.
I am a trainer in real life and one technique to remember is the way to deliver criticism. If you have something to say that he might take the wrong way, make sure you offer some positive feedback then the bit of criticism and finish it off with another piece of positive feedback.
Talking to each other is a huge part of sex for me and my partner. We watch amateur occasionally and I am genuinely surprised that so few couples communicate while doing the deed. We tell each other how horny the other person makes us feel, I tell her how wet she is, we profess our love for the other person, tell each other how they are the best fuck we have ever had, etc. Silence is not sexy.
Try to communicate your sexual desires while outside the bedroom. Doing it as pillow talk puts him under pressure to actually do it there and then; talking during a meal offers him a chance to express himself.
Why not sit down on the sofa and browse some of the inexpensive equipment to be found online? Tell him how you would love to try x,y, and z. Order some gear and use the time before its arrival to heighten the tension.
You could always do as we did earlier this year and hire a dungeon for the night. We spent an incredible night in a place that was equipped with every conceivable BDSM device. We discovered things about ourselves and each other; we found things and toys we could not wait to try again. Other things we tried and though 'meh', but at least we tried them.
Communicate your desires to him, encourage him, reward him, mould him as you wish - there is nothing wrong in coaching your loved one to be the person you want them to be in bed, as long as they have not expressed a desire to not go where you want to lead them. Take advice from those who have gone down the same road, but pay no heed to the narrow-minded criticism you might receive for your sexual honesty.
I may be wrong, but I get the impression that this is also a journey into BDSM for you as well as him. You do not sound like an experienced sub leading him; you come across as someone who is leading him from not that far in front - am I correct? I would urge you to make this exploration fun for the pair of you. An excellent book on BDSM is 'BDSM A Guide For Explorers Of Extreme Eroticism' by Ayzad. It isn't dry, but it goes into all aspects of BDSM and will help you to know exactly what you want for yourself in this adventure.
Best wishes.