Slow penetration issue causing frustration

[Alanis126]

I've an arrangement with a FWB which is great in most ways. We took quite a while before exploring PIV which I thought and partly still do think was down to him being openminded and unselfish
He's very good at and willing to go down on me for example. But.. I do also need PIV and, while we have done it, I he only ever penetrates me slowly then cums quickly. This has become much more of am issue since we stopped using protection, both having been STI tested and cleared. I really am struggling how to broach this. I think I've communicated that I'd like a bit of quicker harder thrusting but I'm just wondering if there's something bothering him. Now it's causing stress between us which I don't like at all. Any ideas/previous experience?

Doesn't sound like a good match for a FWB to be honest. FWB are meant to be people you have great sex with...this sounds more like a relationship...you should feel free to discuss sex with a FWB.

Have you clearly asked him to do as you want? No good not voicing your needs....he can't work on the issue if he has no idea.

You don't give his age but younger men tend to cum more quickly. He may know he will ejaculate almost as soon as penetration starts hence his desire to focus elsewhere and going very slowly once it starts. Wearing a condom reduces sensation a bit and can help...and he can use one with a desensitization additive too to delay his orgasm further. Then remove it and finish inside.....Hope not TMI. And if course once he has ejaculated the second round he will probably last longer!

This problem has come up on the Dan Savage podcast a few times though usually in the context of a relationship. His suggestion has been to have the man ejaculate either early in the session or even an hour or so before. He will then last during the PIV nearer the end of the session.

The sex is good apart from this. Maybe he is just sensitive. I wondered also if it wss a question of trying different positions. I usually ask to be taken from behind atm.

It does sound like PE and he knows so spends ages on Foreplay. There are answers to it apparently but seems a pain to have to work on it on a FWB. How long does it take him to get hard again after he has cum? Could you do oral on him, make him cum and do PIV second time around?

From behind for me is very stimulating and almost certain to lead to orgasm. He is probably sensitive and knows he has an issue. The most important thing is to talk to him. He is bound to be desperate to please you but it is a tricky issue so be positive and open and I am sure things will work out.

Ok so I've probed a bit further and it seems he experiences pain om penetration when bareback. This means he can't go any quicker. I think we will stick to BJs etc fot the moment while we workout how to proceed.

Something amiss. There should be no pain. Possibly if he is not circumcised there may be some sort of issue there. I would very gently suggest a visit to a doctor if the pain persists as penetration should never be painful for him or for you for that matter.

Agree with @Sparkybloke. Something definitely wrong for a guy to experience pain. Does his foreskin retract back fully to expose the head? If it only goes half way that would explain his pain and means he has phimosis so,would need to see a doctor. Either way he needs it sorting out. So yes a gentle conversation

Tight fore skin? He should definitely go get it checked out at his GP or GUM clinic and won’t be the first so shouldn’t be embarrassed.

How about stopping bareback and going back to condoms? Also more lube might help and a different position

Yep, I'd say foreskin issue or making an excuse for PE Some are good at foreplay but poor at PIV, some are the other way around, rarer is the good all-rounder. I have found one happily, and he's not an FWB,but a BF, but would still consider things if not willing to address my needs🤔. Now, if really an FWB, why are you not easily moving on? I think you care more than you let on. Having a test as an FWB is implying you are being exclusive, that's not an FWB situation now really is it?🤔

Firstly yes I think from the sound of things we are looking at a tight foreskin. Condoms if he wants to keep it. He is a FWB. I would insist any partner even of there were multiple got tested btw.

@Alanis126 appreciate he is a fwb not your DP. If his foreskin is tight he really needs it sorting as not retracting properly is not good from a hygiene perspective, but also he is missing out on a whole load of pleasure.

An ex of mine was similar; there are treatments to stretch it but an option was just to go for a circumcision. We talked, I like circumcised anyway so he had it done. There are various methods and the newer ones they can use a type of ring or clamp which minimises swelling and bleeding etc.

Never looked back with great sex and I really loved the look and feel. He was very happy. Sadly we didn't stay together but not because of sex?

Maybe he just has poor control and is anxious that he will ejaculate too quickly. He might need to psychologically focus on this and also practice some pc excercises.