It was a flop

[Polkadotbikinis]

Been on a few dates with a lovely guy. We have done ‘stuff’ but decided that we were going to take things into the bedroom last night.
So, I went to his house. Things started to heat up... but he didn’t get hard! We tried anyway, but it wasn’t really happening...
He had no problem during a hand job and did come on another occasion.
He’s quite shy and did say he was nervous. Should I be overly concerned?? This has never really happened to me before!

You don't say how old each of you are or if there was alcohol taken.
I guess you are feeling a little agrieved and maybe that he doesn't find you attractive but I would take him at his word and try another time when you are both relaxed and, for the lack of a better word, horny.
Maybe a little Netflix n chill. Watch a horror movie together and let him wrap his arm around you to protect you. Men like to feel manly.
Also try doing it when no alcohol has been taken.
If he fails to rise to the occasion please don't show him you are annoyed. Mem like to feel romantic and appreciated to, loved even. Just take it slow and easy.

I was ok with it. Didn’t make him feel bad in the slightest.
No alcohol was involved
We’re in mid 30s

I think maybe because we’d spoken about it during the day and basically said ‘tonight’s the night’ he’d been worrying about it and got a bit of stage fright??

It could be nerves. Less face, you can be extremely nervous but can still have sex,
For a man no erection = no sex, so nerves can reek havoc.

Or it could be death grip?

Death grip??

The worst thing in this case, is when man gets over excited and the heart really starts to race and then you become aware of your erection disappearing, which makes you heart race even more and then, bang, it's gone.
It's happened to me and is only cured by being more relaxed

Sounds like I might have my work bit out with this one.
He’s been a bit quiet today too. Ugh

My guess is stage fright. Been there, done it, - or rather, didn’t do it! Of course, now it’s happened he will be extremely worried next time which will make matters worse mentally. If/when he does get hard let him go for it, tell him you want him and your orgasm can wait. Good luck.

Sorry to say this, but there are far too many people on MN with limited knowledge who jump in with both feet and deliver their opinions.

Death grip is the inability of a man to achieve orgasm through PIV sex after repeated use of masturbation techniques has numbed the penis to 'normal' stimulation. It has nothing to do with an inability to achieve an erection.

My uneducated guess is that your partner got first night nerves. It has happened to me and you were right to make no big deal of it. Hopefully, when the pressure is off the situation will right itself.

Best wishes.

"Less face, you can be extremely nervous but can still have sex,"

Not necessarily.

Will be nerves.

Thanks everyone. We haven’t seen each other since. Will update though!

Let's hope he doesn't stay quiet, because he likely will need to use some dialog to get through this. Can't say I've experienced this and I'm older,dating older ( some need more encouragement with age). Don't take it personally, it won't be anything to do with you

You might be able to assist by giving him some more foreplay-its a 2 way street 😉

Oh there was PLENTY of foreplay, I can assure you.

I’m supposed to be seeing him today. I’m reluctant though

It could be an overthinking thing which spirals into a dwindling erection. He starts worrying about cuming too soon, then he worries about whether he can pleasure his partner, then about whether he will stay hard and suddenly the plugs get pulled.

One tip is to try missionary or from behind and let gravity do its bit by keeping the blood where you want it to be.

The first time I slept with my last partner he wasn't able to get hard. It was definitely stage fright and we didn't have any issues after that.

Nerves. Happened to me when the lady involved was sexually and physically glorious, but intimidating nonetheless.

Happens to us all once in a while. We men are fragile creatures. There are times when no matter how gorgeous our lady may be, for what ever reason , we suffer "equipment failure". Two important things. One...not in any way the ladies fault...she will be ravishing. Two...for the lady...don't dwell on the failure as it will just make it worse. Lots of reassurance (and probably other naughtiness) and chances are all will be as normal the next time. Good luck

Next time you meet, don't mention what happened and don't expect sex, let it lead to sex naturally, as you said you'd more or less said tonight's the night, as much as he would have been looking forward to it he would have been equally nervous. Maybe a few more dates is in order to get to know eachother more and feel more relaxed.

What happened to this relationship? I’m invested!