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Original poster

How to blow my man's mind

23 replies

Amicrazy121 · 17/11/2019 16:56

My partner has had a lot of sex in the past. I have not. He loves being with me but I really want to do more, reasons later. So I give blow jobs, anal rimming, dressing up, 69s etc. We recently went to a swingers place where I was too nervous to do much but gave him a blowjob whilst others were watching. I should add that he has had ED for many years and uses Viagra but it does bother him. How can I give him more pleasure and make him feel relaxed with me. I really don't care about the ED because we do so many things.

OP posts:

icouldcareless · 17/11/2019 17:14

Tie him to the bed and blindfold him. Put his favourite music through headphones (loud). Stimulate various bits of him at random so that he doesn't know what's coming next. Walk around the bed occasionally so that he can touch various parts of you. Take it from there.

xpc316e · 17/11/2019 17:33

Have you actually asked him whether there is anything that he would like to do to/with you? If not, that would be my first port of call.

You could always slip him an IOU note detailing that he you owe him an hour/evening of doing whatever he wants.

To be absolutely honest, it sounds as though you are already doing a pretty good job.

Original poster

AmiCrazy121 · 17/11/2019 17:58

@icouldcareless great idea about the headphones, I have used blindfolds which he loved but the sound could be good.

@33xpc316e I do ask and he always says it's great but recently he said he is more worried/upset about not satisfying me as he struggles with ED even with Viagra at times. But regardless, I want to blow his mind.

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Newman2018 · 17/11/2019 22:36

AmiCrazy - I think you are doing great and the list of things you are doing would certainly blow my mind.....
I can understand his anxiety about the ED - he really wants to please you too so maybe your best bet (in addition to your list) is to reassure him that he blows your mind too (assuming of course he does).

Good luck.

Original poster

Amicrazy121 · 17/11/2019 22:46

@Newman2018 Thank you! He's amazing at oral and extremely tactile, he just can't get hard enough and even Viagra isn't working as well as before, so I know he beats himself up about it. But with his skills, I come really hard and I'm totally happy in that respect. I would just love to make him feel the way I feel. I'm very loving, put no pressure on him and I don't want anyone else. It's just difficult not being able to satisfy someone.

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Newman2018 · 17/11/2019 22:56

Ok, ED is really grim and for a man it's the ultimate failure - not being able to get it up when with an uber sexy woman and all you want to do is make love to her. The more it happens the more anxious he'll get and the more of a failure he'll feel. Without making a big deal of it or adding any pressure, get the message across to him that what he does rocks your world, you love him and he's the only man for you. Viagra works better if not taken after a big meal or alcohol so maybe try that if you already haven't. If that fails, get him to try any of the other viagra alternatives out there.

LookAtWhatYouCouldHaveWon · 18/11/2019 05:44

Is he using viagra every single time you have sex? How often do you have sex?

Maybe make a rule that you have to go say a fortnight without penatrative sex, that way there's no pressure on him and he can lay off the viagra a bit, then when he does take it it's more likely that it'll work as he'll be super turned on anyway. And there's lots of fun to be had without penetration.

Good luck!

Original poster

Amicrazy121 · 18/11/2019 07:52

@LookAtWhatYouCouldHaveWon we see each other once a week and no, he doesn't always take Viagra. It's just sometimes it works, sometimes not nowadays. @Newman2018 I genuinely don't even address it because i have so much fun, but I think it naturally plays on his mind, that I might leave him one day because he can't give me that very easily. I don't think that at all.

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busybarbara · 18/11/2019 22:14

What do you actually want? It sounds like you're focused entirely on this man and not what you want

Original poster

Amicrazy121 · 19/11/2019 10:46

@busybarbara you're right, I'm not sure what I want, I would like him to feel as amazing as I feel in bed. Plus he has had a lot of partners before me. He keeps saying that he's worried about keeping me and also that it's more likely I'd stray as I haven't done much before whereas he has been and done most things. I would just like him to come really well with me.

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user1467618820 · 19/11/2019 12:31

The flipside is he might just be more relaxed at loving, no pressure time with you? Trying to blow his mind every time, may be trying too hard? Just a thought.

Original poster

Amicrazy121 · 19/11/2019 15:26

@user1467618820 you might be onto something, I'm just very conscious that I don't want to be selfish.

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Bamboo15 · 20/11/2019 04:21

Wow - what you’re doing is a lot. Way more than most. Are they things you want to do too? You seem very keen to please him which is lovely but it should be about you too, and not feeling you have to add a million bells and whistles to meet expectations.

Original poster

Amicrazy121 · 20/11/2019 07:44

@Bamboo15 yes i do really enjoy everything. And in all honesty, he does anything I want too. I think because of the ED thing, I don't feel I'm getting it right.

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NearlyWinter19 · 20/11/2019 14:23

Hi - I've read this thread with interest - thank you so much for posting. I'm in a similar but not identical situation.
I'm currently with a guy who has ED. He totally turns me on and we get on great but i'm a bit worried that i'm not turning him on enough. We have an extra issue in that - when he does get hard he is....erm…. well endowed and i'm ……… small so we've only managed to achieve PIV a limited amount as I have to be 100% aroused at the same moment he is (hope that makes sense and isn't too graphic). Any suggestions - particularly for positions that might be good with a guy who is on the large side?

And apologies if I'm hitch hiking this existing thread but seems a similar subject.

Pickitup · 27/11/2019 15:14

nearlywinter
Had a partner who was well endowed and bit older than me and was conscious of ED.
The first few times it was awkward as I was nervous (at the size!). As it turned out he was amazing at cunnilingus and he got me very wet first via that method and every position was fab.
We were really into each other and it was the best sex I've ever had!
All positions were fine except missionary as neither of us into it much and he liked me to be in control!

Spritesobright · 29/11/2019 15:23

I think busybarbara makes a really good point that it's worth focusing on what you want more and less on what new 'act' you can perform. My partner and I went to this tantric sex workshop (not as crazy as it sounds) and it was ALL about increasing emotional intimacy rather than particular things you can do.

I have tried various things with my partner and whilst they were fun and we have an amazing sex life, I think the best thing about it is just the trust and intimacy we share and not feeling like we have to perform or be responsible for the other person's orgasm. It might happen, it might not and there is no disappointment or sense of rejection if one of us doesn't cum (we normally do but I think that's beside the point).
He always says that the best thing about having sex with me is that he knows I love it and really desire him and he doesn't feel self-conscious around me. And I feel the same.

Spritesobright · 29/11/2019 15:26

Having said that (and possibly completely contradicting myself) I am really curious about rimming and would like to try it. How did you broach the topic? Seems like it would need some pre-planning...

Original poster

Amicrazy121 · 29/11/2019 16:20

Thanks for everyone's advice so far.

@Spritesobright my partner likes rimming me, and I make sure I'm always completely clean in that respect. I return the favour regularly, he enjoys it hugely (and is very clean) and he hasn't really had it done much to him. It's just something different really but I know it's not for everyone. I like the naughtiness of it all.

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Spritesobright · 29/11/2019 18:44

That makes sense. I think I want to do it because I just love my partner's body and want to explore it all with my tongue and other senses.
Everything about him turns me on. His taste, his feel, his smell (I prefer if he doesn't wear deodorant).

Anonymous1419 · 20/12/2019 16:18

Just to add a confident woman who is interested in sex is pretty wonderful.

Original poster

Amicrazy121 · 28/12/2019 10:53

Hi all,

I'm still trying to think of ways here. My partner also suffers a bit from ED so not as easy to stay hard unless with Viagra. He has just been the best lover I've ever had in that he just takes so much time to work out what makes me tick. He still says he is happy but I just want to do it for him. Any more thoughts? Recently he was wowed by the sex we had but he must have taken viagra and we were very relaxed but I couldn't think of why it was so different.

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Eesha · 27/01/2020 22:58

Best thing is to desire him no matter what, feel confident in yourself. My partner has ED but I know it's not my issue so I never mention it. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I still think he is amazing.

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