DH sleeping with someone else?

[Coulditwork]

DH and I have been together for 10 years, very mismatched sex drives, it's always been a bone of contention. We have a young DC and I struggled with PND and subsequently depression for which I take an SSRI and have counselling.

These factors, among with others (some known, some unknown) mean I have zero sex drive. Like in the negative. Where I was once a cuddly, touchy feely person I can no longer stand being touched. DH touches my leg and I recoil, he strokes my arm and it's like he's rubbing sand paper over my skin. I don't want my mum/friends/anyone to hug me. I'm deeply ashamed to admit I struggle sometimes with my dc touching me. This is having the most devastating effect on my marriage.

The conversation has arisen (initiated by me) that DH has sex with someone else. He needs sex and I am unable to give it. It would be someone who knew they were consenting to sex only, possibly a different person each time to avoid forming a bond or any emotional connection. There would be condoms and regular STD testing. I would want to know when he was going out but not who he was seeing, what he was doing etc.

I don't want him to fall in love with someone else but the thought of him having a physical experience with another person doesn't bother me.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Is there anything I should look into/anything I could read/potential problems to look out for? I intent to raise this with my counsellor but I'd like opinions too please.

Also, name change for fairly obvious reasons!

I think you are being unrealistic. There is a high risk that a woman he has sex with will want more unless they are a sex worker and the inevitable will happen. In addition a, have you not thought that it is not just sex, but the feeling of comfort and intimacy just from having a cuddle.

Maybe your DH is Haley wit what you suggest but if I'm honest I think you need to be realistic about the prospect for your marriage longer term.

Have you discussed with your GP given you re on medication?

It's obviously a solution but there is the danger of emotional straying as well and damaging you relationship once it done there is no going back

Suffering from PND I'd be concenred you'd cope with DH having sex with someone else .

If you do decide to go ahead with this swinging might be the way a lot of these people/couples it's PURLEY SEX no emotional connection at all.
They invite a 3rd into there bedroom but it psychical and swinging couples very rarely stray with people the have sex with it's just sex to them .

There are risks of emotional attachment. I am pretty sure in your husbands shoes if i was having great sex with someone i found attractive I’d want more (I’m male)
Also its not necessarily that easy to find someone for nsa - if he goes on an app saying i’m in an open relationship the replies will be yeah right!

If its always one off’s it would get pretty demoralising to spend the rest of your life on the apps looking for your next shag.

I think at best what you are suggesting is a short term solution

We have discussed working on the intimacy aside from sex, the cuddles, hand holding etc. I know it's not enough but without having the "is this gonna end in sex" question hanging over me I think i'd be more comfortable.

The depression does make me wonder how much of my thinking is being clouded but I know the depression is partly the cause of the lack of libido. It was never particularly high to start with but it's gone completely. I've discussed it with the GP and there's not much that can be done without risking making my depression worse. We've agreed it's not worth it.

@rwalker would that be that he could join a couple as a third? I don't want to be involved. I'm not sure how he would see that but if it helps prevent the potential emotional connection then I'd be ok with it.

I do feel sorry for you.

Nobody actually needs sex, plenty of people with a 'normal' sex drive go without because of circumstances and manage fine.

You're depressed and that causes lack of libido. You may not be depressed forever! Be careful with what you suggest to your husband, indeed your man may not want to go with anyone else, I know mine wouldn't have wanted that.

The depression is certainly a big factor in it but even before that we were so mismatched it has been a problem almost our whole relationship. He feels unloved with no/very little sex and I understand that. I want to make him happy & I don't know how.

That's so sad, Coulditwork.

most swinger are into ether threesomes or a cuck set up where the female goes and has sex with another guy and husband not involved at all.
I know a few swinging couples ( surprised me when found out about a few) very strong relationship they never stray it's just physical .

PLEASE PLEASE make sue this is the right thing as no going back and don't just use it as a quick fix to take pressure off.

What about some kind of robot device that you could control but would mean that you wouldn’t have to be physically intimate? I’m sure they must exist?