Can’t orgasm with a partner

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

Ever since my ex husband cheated on me 3 years and our subsequent divorce etc I haven’t been able to orgasm with a partner. I’ve been with 3 men since my marriage ended and whilst sex with them feels great and I’m into it, I just can’t climax
No such problem on my own though.
Any thoughts on how to fix this? I don’t want it to impact future relationships

Does the same apply with oral?

As you don’t have a problem with yourself can you show him exactly what to do, or are you confident enough to be held while you go to the full celebration? That can be very fulfilling.

To be honest, only one of them did oral and it did absolutely nothing for me- whereas with my ex husband that was always something that got me going and I did orgasm
There’s nothing wrong with anything they’re doing it’s like there’s a block that just won’t let me release like I can when I’m on my own

OP, far be it for me to tell you how your own body works, although a lot of women don’t explore there own bodies nearly enough. But it does sound to me that any difficulty is not down to you; you can climax. Never overlook the fact that the primary female sex organ is the clitoris.

I don’t think it’s mechanical.... I think it’s psychological ( obviously I have zero evidence to back this up). I think there’s a switch in the mind that needs to happen or a degree of comfort with your partner that needs to be reached before you can really let this happen. I think you shouldn’t get too caught up in trying too hard because placing pressure on yourself is counter productive.

I think you’re right, the more I want it to happen the less achievable it seems to be

I think it's psychological too. Having been with people who have lost their partner through either divorce or death there seems to be a guilt switch that needs to be turned off. When that switch is turned off is down to the individual. Somewhere in the deep recesses of the mind they think that they're cheating on the previous partner and that affects them.

As you don’t have a problem with yourself can you show him exactly what to do, or are you confident enough to be held while you go to the full celebration? That can be very fulfilling.

As a man I can say that holding a lady while she pleases herself and reaches a climax is an amazing experience and one that has given me great pleasure.

@John470322 - You are thinking along the right lines. You have earned the flowers as a non-sexist gift.

I was like this OP and it only happened when I was totally relaxed with my current boyfriend. I'd never come before with someone and I'm in my 40s. The difference was he was totally at ease with me so no pressure on me. I also felt relaxed enough to come myself letting him hold me, I find that very intimate. You have to trust someone to let yourself go.

Hello, just want to say the same thing has happened to me. My ex cheated too. I've got a new DP and the sex is great and I feel like I'm getting there but can't quite reach it. I've climaxed once and fake it the rest of the time. I really want it to happen but I think I'm too damaged by what happened to really let go.

Still hasn’t happened here. I have orgasmed once in front of him using my vibrator but had to put it on its highest setting so it practically forced it to happen.
Nothing else works and I’m finding it incredibly frustrating

I have found that I need to feel happy and relaxed and not pressured. If I'm stressed from work/life/ hes in a hurry it doesnt happen. Usually an evening of chat/snuggling on sofa, maybe with one drink (not too much ) seems to help.

I agree it is really psychological, I've had partners where I just dont come, usually because they arent trying for long enough or arent bothered.