Please bear with me posting this here- I’m looking for some comfort/reassurance, as I absolutely can’t tell anyone this in real life, and apologies if TMI.
I’ve been building up to a fling with a newly single guy. (No OW scenario, before anyone asks). Anyway, plenty flirting, texting, sexting etc. both of us quite clear that this is only going to be about sex, neither of us want more. So, he came over one evening recently. We were getting down to it, plenty oral for both of us etc and then it came to penetration - straightaway he asked if we could do it from behind but I said I’d prefer him to go on top first, which he did for a few mins. Then he pulled out and asked again for me to turn around, which I did. But instead of putting it back in, he started fingering me from behind- after a bit of this I told him I wanted him inside me again to which he said “I can’t, I’m sorry, i can’t” and he got up, kept saying ‘I can’t do this I’m not ready’ etc. I was hurt and annoyed (and frustrated!) and asked him why he had come over if that was the case and he just kept saying that he couldn’t do it. He tried to lighten things/change the subject but tbh it was really awkward, he was getting dressed and I was still in bed wondering wtf had just happened.
I felt (and still feel) totally rejected and humiliated. I’m hurt. I’m bewildered. He literally started having sex with me and then changed his mind. While part of me says I should take him at his word and believe him when he says he’s just not ready, part of me thinks it’s because of how I looked/behaved in bed. I’ve seen photos of his ex and to be blunt, she and I are opposites physically. I’m wondering if the reason he wanted to do it from behind was because he didn’t want to look at my face and instead wanted to pretend he was with his ex??? Hurt and humiliated doesn’t begin to describe it. I ended up in tears, and it’s a long long time since I’ve been in tears over a man.
Can anyone offer any solace or wisdom??