Feelings towards him unable to keep erection

[tardiz]

Now I'm aware how I'm coming across and obviously haven't said any of this to him.

We have been together for 2 years now and sex has always been a massive part of our relationship with no issues. Since the summer he has had real trouble keeping an erection. Never had any trouble before. He gets hard and then after a couple of thrusts goes soft and that is it.

Apparently nothing has changed for him and it's not that he doesn't want to it's just not happening.

I feel so shit about it. He says it's not me but he has never had this problem before. I'm trying to be supportive but it's making me feel a little shit :(

I have no one to talk to about this and obviously dont want to worry him about it more I just wanted to get it out somewhere :(

Is there any chance he's started taking anti depressants ?

It won’t fix it but maybe it will help you get a sense of perspective if you think about what it would be like if/when you suffer vagina dryness (common in menopause) and if he was feeling the same towards you then. What would you want him to do in that situation? That might guide what you should do now

He should have a chat with the GP, plenty of possible causes and some good treatments available.

I suffer from ED albeit suffer isn't really an appropriate word as I take a daily treatment (the generic version of Cialis) which works perfectly.

There are two reasons ,physical and psychological. If his plumbing is ok then its likely to be the latter.

If it is the latter,and i suspect many such ED issues are, then it often triggers an anxiety loop. It happens once,the memory is implanted in his mind,when the same situation recurs i.e you are about to have sex,his mind replays past experience and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy which is sometimes further re-enforced each time it happens.

So getting back to the start is a go place to go. When did it first happen and what were the circumstances? What was going on in your and his life at that time??

Arnoldthecat

That's my thoughts. He has never had any problems with it before I have asked him to have a think of what was happening in both our lives when it started and he couldn't think but It could.be something he isnt aware of maybe

Maybe its something he cant or wont talk about?

Anxiety can definitely be a cause as worrying about letting down your partner can become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Firstly don't think it is anything to do with you . Don't think he has stopped finding you attractive. Believe him when he says it is a problem with him. I think it is best to refrain from penetrative sex for a while so that the pressure is off him to perform. Just enjoy sensual intimate touching and loving affection. Hopefully soon he will be dying to get inside you again and will be able to hold his erection when he relaxes again and gets more confident. There could be medical/physical reasons why he is struggling to hold the erection so may be worth him speaking to his doctor if the problem continues. Let us know how you get on

Arnolthecat and boringuser are both right IMO. This sounds very much like performance anxiety, he is worried that it will happen and this in itself makes it happen. It's very common and is usually liked to stress. I'm sure most guys get it at some time, I certainly have. The answer is to avoid penetration until he gets his confidence back, stimulate him in other ways and try to make sure he is as relaxed as possible before you do so. It may be an idea to avoid sexual contact altogether for some days - you need to make sure he is really horny before you try it again and if he has gone without for a long time he will be more likely to be able to maintain an erection. So if you normally DTD twice a week then wait at least a whole week before you come on to him again. The good news is that it can be overcome and once he has got over it is less likely to be a problem in future as he will know that he can beat it.

first stop must be GP. my partner suffers from this and it all started when he developed type 2 diabetes quite a common side effect of it. occasionally he takes viagra but we have found a simple rubber ring only £3 for 3 off ebay works fine

Maybe its something he cant or wont talk about?

I was raped as a child, I cannot get an erection for a few weeks before/after. I've been with DP almost 25 years and she has no idea why this happens. I think your posts are great on this thread Arnold.

Also it's a vicious circle, he experiences loss of erection once, next time it will be in the back of his mind - performance anxiety as @Anothernick says. Psychological causes of ED are a total mindfuck.

He can get viagra from the dr, he may have to pay, but if on a GP's private prescription, four tablets cost around £7-8, rather than the extortionate rates that chemists charge.