DP says I’m dry - I can’t feel it

[MsSlightyConfused]

DP likes to have penetration for a long time, an hour and a half isn’t unusual. I like it too. Maybe it as much as he does!

If relevant I’m 40 and on the mini pill.

We’ve always used lube but historically only in the later stages of a session but more recently it gets used early on and has to be frequently reapplied. Recently we were doing PIV penetration for maybe an hour (with no lube) and DP got very very sore. I definitely felt a bit like I’d seen some action but nothing very uncomfortable. Last week DP stopped things after just maybe 20-30mins of penetration (and a lot of lube) saying I was too dry.

The thing is, when DP says I’m getting dry I don’t get what he’s talking about. Because I’m always really enjoying myself and don’t in the least bit feel dry. (And curtsey of my ex I definitely know what dry sex feels like).

I’ve been googling ‘dry vagina’ and I don’t recognise any of the mentioned symptoms.

I’m beginning to feel really self conscious about it which is affecting my own enjoyment.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what’s going on?

I would be dry and sore too if it went on as long as that! Does he have trouble reaching orgasm?

Our bodies do change as we age and in different ways for different people. When I first met my partner she was the wettest woman I had ever encountered; 16 years later that is no longer the case. We use lube and we still have great sex. Her not being as moist as she was is of no consequence whatsoever. Incidentally, she is 53 and post-menopause.

So what if you need to take a short break to get lubed? Your husband needs to take action as soon as he feels too much friction, as this is his issue and not yours.

Perhaps you could also explore different kinds of lube. Silicone-based ones, or hybrids, last longer than water-based versions and just like most things in life, you get what you pay for.

An hour and an half? Ok, do you go make a hot drink whilst he's pounding away?

The median is around 5 minutes.

🤣 I will admit the first time after 2 hours I was glad for the dinner break tbh but I kinda like it now. Obviously it’s not all pounding and we have some wonderfully intensely intimate moments

He got really sore the other week and I told him to not keep going again, hence the stopping this last time. What I don’t understand is why I really don’t feel any discomfort at all. Is that usual?!

I don’t know if he has trouble. I guess maybe compared with average. I know he has an ability to hold on until he wants to let go, but maybe takes a while to get to that point.

Mornings are quicker. Bum sex speeds things up. As do BJs.

And lube... yes... I just paid a fortune for ‘luxury’ silicone stuff and didn’t notice any difference

Idk... do I need estrogen tablets or something?

Maybe its friction rather than dryness. If you dont feel yourself as being dry then dont let him blame you. How often do these marathon sessions happen?

It really sounds like he's trying to blame you.

He’s not blaming me. He’s not that sort of person. He just thinks that’s whats going on

@dementedpixie what do you mean by friction rather than dryness? Surely one would cause the other?

This is our ‘normal’, 30-40 mins would be a quickie.

If it’s not vaginal dryness then what is it he’s feeling?

Is he uncircumcised? The movement of the foreskin could cause friction. 30-40 minutes is not a quickie, it's still longer than an average sex session would take. Does he watch a lot of porn or wank a lot?

No to lots of wanking and porn - the opposite in fact. I do a lot more of both than he does

Yes to foreskin

Maybe it’s a foreskin issue then?

You should look up delayed ejaculation. If it takes longer than 30 minutes for him to ejaculate through penetration then it could be an issue for him and not you.

Well it’s not really an issue at all, except maybe that’s causing him discomfort. And anyway his issues are always my issues and vice versa

It is an issue if its causing him pain so maybe he needs to look into not taking so long to climax rather than it being your issue to solve

@dementedpixie Yup, it's not her problem to solve. He needs to get on with it and come quicker.

Lubrication isn't perfect. Why do you think engineers wear out? The friction from a two hour sex session is going to chaff.

Condoms OP. Extra lubricated ones if necessary.

God no, will condoms not lessen sensation even more and then he'll go on forever!

Yeah, condoms aren't going to help. I can go twice as long with one on. Not sure the OP wants to endure a four hour session.

Could he squirt lube on while you're still going iyswim? Could be quite fun. Tbh it does sound like he needs to respond to his own cues more - if you're not feeling any problem, he's going to need to be the one who takes action.

Check his foreskin isn't tight. Phimosis might be the cause of him getting sore and you not... Trip to the Doc if he can't retract it fully and easily.

RLD

@Rockluvvindad foreskin demo not tight. Goes all the way just fine.

@TheWorldAsh yeah, not really

@TemporaryPermanent yes its applied liberally but then just gets a bit boring iyswim. But you're right about his cues. He has started to stop when it starts to feel uncomfortable for him and then we just finish off with a bj. This usually results in an hour and a half all in, which I think is a) more practical for 'every day', and b) probably more my kind of ideal.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts. I think basically he just likes sex a lot and has an atypical ability to keep going. He just needs retraining not to be so greedy

I would have thought that a person who likes sex a lot and was “greedy” would climax MUCH sooner than your DP, And after a bit of a break would be up for round 2. It does sound like he has an issue with delayed ejaculation. I don’t really pulling away for that long with no results is normal for most men. Ive only known a couple of blokes do that (with friends) and it turned out that one of them was worried about getting her pregnant and the other just had some kind of performance anxiety/commitment issues.

Still boggling at what someone would DO during an hour and a half of PiV. Surely your joints get sore or your knees wear out or whatever? Doesn’t it get a tad boring after even just half an hour of PIV?

I’m with the others, it does sound like he’s saying that you’re the problem. But I doubt that any vagina would stay that up for it for that long!

Sounds far too long. How do you walk after? Seriously.

Could your husband put some Vaseline on his penis as well as you using lube?

I've had the experience of long, slow sex and it was lovely but I certainly wouldn't have wanted it when living with someone all the time, it would be very boring, exhausting and time consuming, especially once you've had children.