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How do I figure out what feels good?

5 replies

MoanerLeaser · 09/10/2019 10:14

I'm 30 and I don't know what I like. I have a partner who I trust and our sex life is boring me. I don't know where to start with trying new things and figuring out what feels good. I don't know where to begin. Any thoughts? It's like I dont even know my own body.
Sex with my partner feels rushed and samey.

OP posts:
Cath2907 · 09/10/2019 12:56

Are you looking to experiment alone or with your partner? He/She might well be up for some experimentation too so if you haven’t broached the subject then perhaps you should.

For me sex “feeling good” is both about the physical and the mental. A good vibrator / dildo combination (I swear by my rampant rabbit) is great for solo work! That stimulates the purely physical and is good for some quick stress relief. I am far more inventive with a partner and the rabbit stays in the drawer!

Things lots of people like are: kissing, massage, touching (your standard erogenous zones), cunnilingus, him using a vibrator / dildo / wand on you, different positions...

Things that can help get you in the mood: lingerie/outfits, lighting, lube lube and more lube, sexy talk or texts before hand, sexy talk during.

If you want to get a bit more adventurous there is light bondage (someone gets tied up), light spanking (hand on bum is a good place to start), anal (I’m a newly converted fan!), role play, taking pictures / video, sharing fantasies.

If you find any of that works for you you can take it heaps further if your partner wants to but you need to read up as BDSM can be dangerous without some safety precautions!

noego · 09/10/2019 13:00

You need to know your own body and know how and where you like to be touched so you can communicate that to your partner.
You also need to know what fetishes or kinks make you turned on to once again communicate that to your partner.
And of course it is like wise for your partner so they can communicate to you their preferences.
Try going tantric to explore each other, it may help.

Namechangedyorkshire · 09/10/2019 16:02

You may trust him, but do you feel comfortable talking to him and also trying new things?

Trying new things is to me a must to keep your relationship fresh and close sexually. Depending on what you have tried before, perhaps start with massage for each other and develop it to finishing with oral sex. Men love lingerie. Perhaps start with a nice set and then try some things from Lovehomey or Anne Summers with a bit of a more risqué style. Semi see through and being shaved/waxed below, or coupled with an open fronted thing will get him hot !

If you feel like it perhaps try some spanking or light bondage. I fancied trying that on holiday after reading that rubbish 50 shades but it did motivate us to try a little but. DH really liked that and loved me playing being a naughty girl lol.

We developed other things as well but I hope you get the idea there are loads of things to do, but don't rush it too much and feel uncomfortable

TemporaryPermanent · 10/10/2019 23:01

Try literotica and explore what makes you aroused. Fantasise. Then try text sex describing your fantasy to your dh.

Bouldghirl · 11/10/2019 14:49

I agree with @TemporaryPermanent. Literotica is a good place to start finding new ideas about what turns you on. How you introduce them or incorporate them is up to you.

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