Maintaining a sex life with young kids in house

[DumbleDork]

Seriously, how does anyone manage?!

I’m constantly worried my 11 year old will hear us which obviously kills the spark a little. He made a comment recently to his grandmother (dh mum) about hearing noises from our bedroom when he woke for a wee at night and she sent us a text later that day about how inappropriate it was to have sex if the kids could hear.

Now worried about it, especially because he’s the age where he knows what’s going on etc

Part of me thinks it doesn’t matter if he hears the occasional noise as sex is part of a normal, loving adult relationship BUT I don’t want to scar him for life either.

What would you suggest in this scenario?

1)Invest in a slip bolt lock for the inside of your bedroom door. I honestly dont know why more parents of preteens dont have this.. the panick it can save!
2) Learn to love Barry White or similar sexy music to get your groove on lol. It will drown out your passion n give u a good rhythm to get going to.
3)Stick a movie on in the bedroom (no...not that kind of movie) and if they say they hear noises you can blame a scene in the movie

Can you do it during the day when he is at school? We work from home on the odd occasion together so take an extended lunch break!

Not a chance of during the day due to how far DH has to travel for work.

I just wish my MIL hadn’t given me a dressing down for having sex as I now feel like a pervert

Why is your MIL texting you about being heard instead of her own son? I'd tell her to mind her own business!

Text your MIL back and ask her how she thinks her grandson came to be here in the first place.

Your MIL is from a different era. At the age of 11 your son is able to understand that sex between his parents is natural. I would try to keep the noise down, but attempting to be silent would kill things for me.

My partner and I worked different shifts and often went to bed during the day to make love, whether or not the children were about. We made it clear that we were not to be disturbed and it was obvious what we were doing.

Our three children have grown into adults without hang-ups about sex and seem not in the least scarred by their experiences in the home. We tried hard to create a home in which sex was treated honestly and without shame, and it has worked.

I reckon that you are doing OK and I'd ignore MIL without being rude to her - she is of a different time and is unlikely to understand.

I disagree with the previous poster, my parents took this approach and i was embarrassed and mortified and it's taken a lot of counselling to address their behaviour and how it has affected my own relationships (not just the obvious sex but other stuff admittedly).

I couldn’t think of nothing worse then knowing as a teen your mum and dad are going upstairs for a shag🤮

I heard my parents once, it didn’t scar me but I’m pretty sure it was an accident and it was only once.

Just be as quiet as possible.

Just the thought that there might be the slightest possibility of anyone (especially own kids) hearing or even suspecting I am having sex would put me off. It’s not something I would ever advertise to ensure we do not get disturbed.
Personally I aim for when kids are out of the house: daytime when we are both working from home, when children have play dates and are away for late afternoon, evening or night, or on school trips. When they are very young, you’d know they are sound asleep and wouldn’t wake up by chance but once they are past 10 years old it’s impossible to tell if they’d hear something by chance.

Perfect opportunity to ask MIL to have the kids over night more

I'd be surprised anyone would have future issues with overhearing parents. Grew up with a stud wall between parents bedroom and mine, so heard it very often ( would put earphones on and listen to Pink Floyd ).
Can't say it's affected me one bit, it really should not as it's a normal part of marriage. Kinda good that they were still going for it after 20 years, I saw it as an annoyance when I was trying to get to sleep but nothing more than that.

Your MIL is out of order - it's nothing to do with her. I guess most children must have heard their parents having sex at some time, I'm sure ours have. Now they are grown up and have their own partners their parents have heard them on occasion as well. Nothing to worry about - it shows children that sex is a normal part of a loving relationship. It is very important not to allow your sex life to wither when you have children - sex is the glue that keeps a relationship together through the bad times, somehow all your other problems seem less important when you are cuddling up in the afterglow. Take it from me - my DW and I have been together 30 years and we still have sex several times a week. So don't worry, your son will be fine.

How is the MIL out of order ?! Her own grandchild is complaining he or she can hear his mum and dad shagging. So it kind of becomes her business when that happens!

She sent a text, hardly over the top.

Just be more careful OP.

There is no doubt that kids take a heavy toll on sex life. The first few years are the worst but even after that there are constraints. We wait till they have gone downstairs to get on with their own things, we have told them not to disturb us if the door is closed and we break off if they come up the stairs. You just have to work around the issues.

As to MIL for me this is totally not any of her business and the text is outrageous.