Sleeping with someone you don’t find attractive?

[NameChangeNumpty]

I’m a regular MN poster but name changed for this (like other posts under this name too).

Long and the short of it: do men sleep with people they aren’t attracted to?

Me and DH have been together 15 years. In that time I’ve put on around 5 stone, him about 4. Our sex life has gone from 4+ times a week to about once every 3 months. Not through lack of trying on my part. And when it does happen it’s great. But I keep wondering if my weight gain is to blame? Do men still sleep with women they aren’t attracted to? He says there’s nothing else stopping him from wanting it, just not being in the mood that much. I have considered there may be porn use / wanking etc which makes him not want it too but I keep going back to my weight.

Thanks

If he's put on weight he's probably a bit self conscious as well.

And yes men sleep with heavier women. It's no big deal.

I have never had sex with anyone whom I did not find attractive, but attraction is about far more than physical perfection. I have had sex with some larger women who would perhaps might not be considered attractive by the mainstream, but their character, confidence, and charisma resulted in great times, both in and out of the bedroom.

When in a lengthy relationship sex is for me about reinforcing the bond between partners as well as having fun. It is about giving pleasure just as much as receiving it, perhaps more so. When I love a person I see past the lumps, bumps, scars, and stretch marks.

For most of us there is a natural and inevitable decline in the frequency of sex over time; I have seen it written that most relationships have about a 50% reduction every 5 years. That means a 4 times a week relationship becomes twice a week after 5 years, once a week after 10 years, twice a month after 15 years, etc. That is an average, so you might well vary in your experience.

I don't think that the decline in frequency is too much of a problem as long as it is still good sex when you do have it.

My wife has put on a few pounds at times and lost them again through having our children. At no time have I felt less desire for her, but then I think after the long time we have been together it the whole that I am drawn to. However, I did when on one medication gain a bit of weight, I felt very undesirable and honestly not myself.

I've had sex with quite a lot of men I didn't find attractive, but their weight never had anything to do with it. I don't care about weight (though I must admit skinny men are far less attractive than someone even very overweight).

I'd be looking more at his weight gain as a likely cause. A common consequence of weight gain in men is an increase in aromatase which converts testosterone and other androgens to estrogen.

When I gain weight I feel less attractive and sexy which in turn puts me off sex. Maybe it’s not you, it’s him?

Some will, some won't ime.
Depends very much on the situation.