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Sex is mostly a bit crap since DD.... open to suggestions!

4 replies

crazychemist · 20/09/2019 23:56

Hoping for some advice.... DD is nearly 3. She had severe sleep apnoea (stops breathing when asleep), so could never sleep unsupervised until she had an operation to treat it about 9 months ago.

We got out of the habit of having sex. Months and months and months would go by and it would very rarely be possible.

Scrolll on to now, she’s had her operation some time ago and mostly sleeps great. But I feel like we’ve lost our sex live somewhere along the way. I’m still up for it, but I dont feel like DH is, which is a bit crap both for just general fun, but we would also like another DC at some point, which isn’t going to happen without a decent amount of sex!

We have had a couple of times recently when the sex has been quite good, but it seems like DHs sex drive is through the floor, and if I want it more than twice a month he’s really not in the mood, and we end up having crap sex which I don’t think he enjoys.

Is this just performance anxiety/feeling scheduled because of ttc? Does he just not see me that way any more? Is it because we have DD sleeping in the next room so have to be quiet?

I know the obvious answer is to talk to DH, but that seems like it would put more pressure on him and make crap sex more likely....

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MarieG10 · 21/09/2019 07:41

Do you get any time alone, ie going out? If you do are you worried about your child, ie they wake up at all?

Sounds like you have got out of it and the pressures of dealing with the medical issues have overtaken you.

Can you not have a weekend away at all if you are able to have PIL help out? Plan it and perhaps treat yourself, beauticians and some nice lingerie. Don't try swinging from the ceilings but seduce him a little bit and tell him how much you want him lol. Men are inherently simple creatures unless there are deeper problems which doesn't sound like there are as you are at least having sex

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crazychemist · 24/09/2019 07:26

Very little time alone. We used up a lot of favours when DD was I’ll - before her operation she wasn’t allowed to go to nursery for a month, and then likewise a month after, so we called in just about every favoUr possible.

I’m sort of hoping that it’ll gradually get better on its own, but I’m a little worried that he sees me as a mum rather than a sexy wife, iyswim.

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MarieG10 · 24/09/2019 13:43

@crazychemist . I think you're right to be concerned and good for you in being proactive. The longer you leave it the more difficult it is to resolve and a marriage without a sex life eventually gets imperilled.

I don't have any real answers but see if you can use some time when DD is sleeping, even on a weekend day. Don't just hope things will get better alone as often they don't and you then see posts on MN about how people's marriages are coming apart. Talk to your DH and say how you feel and how you need intimacy and need to feel like a wife and mother, and not just a mother.

Try and get a night out together and spend time making yourself feel good before and talk. Don't pressure yourself to have sex when you get back but it might Hellen if you feel up for it. I think you will find if you make a move your DH will be really happy

Good luck and let us all know!

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mathsquestions · 24/09/2019 19:22

If you’ve only the one and she’s well asleep seduce him in the lounge or the kitchen.

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