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Honest opinions from men on porn usage..

19 replies

loveegg · 07/09/2019 07:03

So name change because I'm a regular and don't want this linked to my everyday username..

Everyday here there seems to be some sort of debate on male porn use, people finding out their dh uses it, people fine with it, people hating it for various reasons, ethics, relationship problems, addiction, etc.

You often see threads being hijacked with for and against and a lot of times people saying women are naive to think their dh isn't using porn, all men do and then they get "well mine doesn't", so I'm curious to know, from a mans perspective, what the story is?
Do you all use porn?
Do you consider it ethically ok?
Do you consider it healthy?
Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?
Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?

Btw I'm not from dm, my best friend hates it and is insisting her dh has never been interested in watching and I can't help but thinking she is being a little naive believing he never has at least watched it.

OP posts:
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SimonJT · 07/09/2019 21:22

Do you all use porn?
I have no idea, I can only speak for myself and a few guys I know.

Do you consider it ethically ok?
Undecided on this, a friend did some professional porn vids a few years ago, he does regret it, but says he was treated well and the company were honest and up front with him.

Do you consider it healthy?
Surely it’s like anything, if you do enjoy it, enjoy it in moderation.

Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?
No

Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?
No idea, again, you can only speak for yourself, not others.

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Josuk · 08/09/2019 01:19

Your friend is being naive, but why does it matter?
Unless she is married to a very old person; or someone who doesn’t know how to use technology; or someone without a libido - he has at least seen it before he met her.

But as I said - why does it matter? Please don’t try to burst her bubble. Why would you do it - it’ll only hurt her. She clearly has some insecurities over it, and if you are a friend - no reason to make her feel bad.

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Joey7t8 · 08/09/2019 08:00

Do you all use porn?
Yes. It’s not something that is discussed at length amongst mates, but I’ve never known anyone claim to not watch it when it comes up in conversation.
Do you consider it ethically ok?
Yes. It’s adults having consensual sex on film for money. There’s also quite a large number of genuine amateur sites where people post their home vids for the exhibitionist thrill.
Do you consider it healthy?
Everything in moderation. I can certainly see that the ease of availability these days can lead to problems of excessive use.
Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?
No. My girlfriend is fully aware that I watch it when one or the other is away, and we quite often watch it together.
Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?
Yes.

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zarek · 08/09/2019 19:58
  • would imagine its pretty common
  • mixed feelings, much of it is pretty vile
  • occasionally or with partner
  • no
  • not sure. I imagine if your partner is disapproving is quite likely to drive it underground
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busybarbara · 08/09/2019 20:43

Mr BB does and it doesn't bother me, it stops him pestering me for sex. I know he only looks at "amateur" things though as he finds anything professional too unrealistic so the people probably are doing it for free and uploading themselves so no ethical issues there from my pov

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Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 08/09/2019 22:30

Do you all use porn? I think most do to some extent. I look at the occasional clip on Reddit if it's in the feed but haven't wanked off to porn for a few years.

Do you consider it ethically ok? Yes. So long as the performers are not doing it against their will I don't have an issue. It's supply and demand.


Do you consider it healthy? Not particularly. Like anything that is a source of pleasure, obsession and addiction can happen.

Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?

I've nothing to hide.

Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?

I genuinely don't use it and my wife doesn't believe me. She wouldn't have a problem if I did but as I have a healthy interest in sex she thinks I'm watching porn and wanking myself silly whenever I've got time to myself.

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ordinaryman · 09/09/2019 10:29

Do you all use porn?

Nobody knows the answer to that without polling ALL men. I would imagine there definitely are some who don't, but I would guess the larger proportion do / have done to one degree or another.

Do you consider it ethically ok?

Yes, if it's legal.

Do you consider it healthy?

Depends. To most men it is probably just a masturbatory aid as men are apparently more visually stimulated and is not intended to replace real sex with their partner, in the same way a woman might use a vibrator or dildo without it being intended to replace hers.
Obviously, like many vices it could potentially become a problem, but I think reports of addiction, 'death grip', etc. are very over-emphasised. I think most people can manage moderation, just as they do with alcohol.
I also suspect that a lot of men who DO use it as an alternative to sex with their partner, do so because that partner no longer wants to engage in any sexual or intimate activity with them (I speak from experience) and this is an imperfect outlet which avoids cheating or leaving.

Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?

I don’t hide it, but nor do I do it in front of her. She knows I do / have used it, allowing her to simultaneously feign a vague air of disapproval, whilst at the same time being secretly delighted that it absolves her of any responsibility for real sex in the relationship.

Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?

This is the same as the first question really. Without KNOWING every man's view, some may be truthful in their denial, others not.

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waterSpider · 09/09/2019 12:18

I think that almost all men will have seen some porn at some point in their lives, but that doesn't mean that they all watch it on an ongoing regular basis.

There are also questions of definition. You can see a lot of 'sexy' material on the standard TV, youtube, twitter etc., which is erotic but arguably not porn (i.e. they're not having sex, even if they appear to be). Some women (and men) draw the boundaries of porn quite differently. Page 3? 9 1/2 weeks the film??

Things like hiding it and being dishonest about it are likely more damaging than the actual watching of it.

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Rooftop99 · 09/09/2019 17:23
  1. All my mates do or have
  2. Yes
  3. Yes and no. I was exposed to Porn at the age of about 11 back in the 80’s (careless dads of mine and mates!) I was watching extremely hard core porn by my mid teens and I would say that was damaging.
  4. I don’t specifically hide it and I’m sure she knows I have used it and still do.
  5. Some are yes. I don’t think I know anyone who hasn’t used porn. Certainly all my mates have and clearly their dads did too! How often is another matter.
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Anothernick · 10/09/2019 21:03

1 Well I do.
2 If the participants are willing then yes. But there is a lot of unethical and exploitative porn about.
3 Porn is like alcohol - most people use it moderately without any problem but in some cases it can lead to addiction and damage to health and relationships..
4 She does not ask and I do not tell. We have watched it together in the past though not recently. I think she would see my porn use as a criticism of our sex life, and I would not want that because our sex life is good.
5 Yes some women are naïve and excessively censorious about this.

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Blokenamechangesexboard · 11/09/2019 08:51

I will answer 2 and 3.

Do you consider it ethically ok?
A sexually liberated society will mean porn. If people are allowed to express themselves, there will be people willing to make it and people willing to get off by watching it.

As for the objection that porn objectifies women: society used to ban porn (and sexual expression generally) because it was seen as sinful. The objectification argument is no different. It's an ideological statement completely unsupported by evidence, and the people who make it have the same instincts as congregants in draughty Baptist chapels in northern mill towns back in the old days.

The alternative we have now would be to have worthies examining underwear catalogues to make sure they weren't too arousing (e.g. Ireland in the 1950s).

But I think the way a lot of it is made is unethical. I think the internet is awash with images that are there without the subject's consent or even knowledge. The actors are often badly paid, and there's nasty stuff that (contrary to popular belief) isn't to the tastes of anyone except the producers.

I think there would be a good case for shutting down all free porn sites if that were possible.

Do you consider it healthy?
In moderation, yes. It's an outlet for adults whose only alternative would be suppression.

People get addicted to porn, but people get addicted to all manner of things and we don't ban them, but it would be better if children weren't exposed to it.

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Cath2907 · 11/09/2019 16:04

My ex husband did now and then.
I don't think he gave much though to ethics, it certainly wasn't something he ever mentioned.
He seemed unharmed!
I guess I knew, sometimes we watched together, I didn't specifically ask and he didn't specifically tell me about what he did or didn't look at in his "alone" time.
I think many women act in a very negative fashion to thoughts that their man might look at porn which causes guys to lie / hide what they do.

New bloke isn't a big porn watcher by all accounts (he'd have no reason to lie and he knows that I do watch it occasionally so I believe that he isn't that interested).

He is concerned by the ethics.

He tends to view it like alcohol - fine in moderation.

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retepgriffin · 18/09/2019 13:59

Do you all use porn?
I have in the past. It became an addiction so trying to stop was very difficult.

Do you consider it ethically ok?
Definitely not. Reading the book Whack and Your Brain On Porn really put me off. Also some documentaries followed some women in the business and it removed the attraction of the women in the industry. There are some pretty horrific things that go on behind the scenes so the women can earn as much money as possible without downtime.

Do you consider it healthy?
Now and again yes, all the time no. If someone is using it all the time, it's an addiction, just read Reddits such as No Fap if you want to see how some guys struggle with this. If one genre stops a guy getting hard, they'll look for more and more extreme genre. Compared to other addictions it's worse because it's always available, for free and guys can edge for hours.

Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?
I've told gfs and FBs I watched it, 1 watched some with me, another hates it.

Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?
I would say yes, if an OH is lying and insisting, then there must be some shame attached to its use.

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Changingnametoanswer · 18/09/2019 18:34

Do you all use porn?
Who knows? I suspect now it is free that most men do. However, my closest friend - even in one to one conversation - insists he has never done so. I know I watch it.

Do you consider it ethically ok?
No. There's very little ethical porn. It almost all involves exploitation, and more so now that the major porn studios have collapsed. It requires a suspension of disbelief to assume most of those women are doing having thought carefully about their career choices. And amateur porn is likely even worse: how many women do you think are really consenting to their sex being posted on the internet? Most of that, I bet, is really revenge porn. The only porn I think is actually ethical is where it is obviously a really couple who have made a choice to do porn together and have their own site. You'll note that almost always on those sites the woman wears a mask to conceal her identity.

Do you consider it healthy?
No. I don't know how harmful I consider it in mature adulthood, though I think it is to young people forming their ideas of sexuality. But I don't know that it's ever healthy.

Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?
I don't watch it in front of DW, but she knows I watch it. We sometimes watch it together.

Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?
Mostly yes. But not all, I'm sure.

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cdtaylornats · 18/09/2019 21:22

There are two kinds of people in the world wankers and liars

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Oldrockman · 19/09/2019 11:34

1 Saw some when young 17 or so and felt repulsed, a couple of times people have put it on and same plus feel its a waste of time.

  1. The more I think about it the thoughts that come to mind are; are the people in it trafficked, there through drug use or poverty so through various reasons pulled into it. So I would say how do you know the one you are watching is OK so no


  1. It is a waste of time, certainly like other addictions it can be very unhealthy.


  1. No need wife does not get offended or upset with art that contains nudes, so I doubt she would be bothered.


  1. I would say yes, I know I am odd in my non porn usage, I will still get turned on by sexual scenes in books/movies if it done well. I do by the conversations of other men say most will watch it away from partners even if they hate it.
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Arnoldthecat · 19/09/2019 18:20

Do you all use porn?

Can only speak for myself,,i browse it occasionally

Do you consider it ethically ok?

Yes, as long as there is no compulsion upon those who are the performers.

Do you consider it healthy?

As with all things, in moderation its fine, if it becomes an obsession thats a different story.
Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?
I dont have to explain myself to anyone, only God and the taxman.

Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?

Definitely

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LonelyDadNeedsHelp · 20/09/2019 12:49

Do you use porn?
Yes. Probably too much, I go through phases that perhaps verge on addiction. But it's been my only sexual outlet for some time.

Do you consider it ethically ok?
It can be ethical, but it's impossible to know for sure whether the particular video you're watching is ethical.

Do you consider it healthy?
My use is not healthy for me, I realise that, because it's my only outlet. But it in different circumstances I think it can be used in healthy way.

Do you hide your use and pretend you don't use it?
I hide it, but don't have to pretend anything because I am very careful and it's never come up in conversation. In reality, I suspect she may know I use it but doesn't wish to speak about it.

Are wives against it naive to believe their oh's when they insist they don't?
This is impossible to know. I suspect my wife would say I don't use it (if it came up in conversation with her friends). It's not necessarily naïve because she probably knows, she just doesn't want to acknowledge it publicly.

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Blokenamechangesexboard · 22/09/2019 10:55

There are a couple of recent stories that are troubling.

The first is Mia Khalifa, apparently the most-watched porn star on the Internet for a time, basically a superstar. Apparently she earned the princely sum of $12K in return for, basically, letting the entire world watching her screw online. She says that finding work afterwards was difficult, due to her notoriety. Someone made a lot of money out of her recordings, but not her.

Another story, in the Guardian (but I can't find it now) involves 18-year old American women who are suing a company with whom they entered contracts to make porn. They say the company promised them that the recordings would only be released on DVD in Australia / NZ. The contract says otherwise. The recordings are everywhere and all their family and friends know about them. At least one of them has attempted suicide twice. I suppose the case could go either way, but even if they lose, I fail to see how their treatment could be considered in any way fair, given their age and their clear lack of appreciation of the ramifications of what they did.

I don't see a way past this except either by a) restricting porn or b) a system by which anyone who puts adult material online has the right to withdraw consent to it being there and have it removed or at least rendered unfindable. There is a third option that society stops its hypocritical victimisation of people who make porn. I don't see any of these coming about mind you.

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