I can’t orgasm any more

[Crazykidscrazylife]

I used to be able to orgasm by penetrative sex or foreplay. We stopped having sex for two years due to problems in our relationship. I have a new partner now & find that although I enjoy sex, I’m unable to orgasm. It’s frustrating, I’m trying to relax but aware I haven’t yet fully climaxed and it’s contributing to the problem. What can I do to get there? It also feels different, more intense than I’m used to. Is this something that happens after kids?

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I think probably the fact that your relationship is new and that you've not fully relaxed in his company has probably more to do with it than having children.
Perhaps due to the passion, it's more rushed and maybe you both need to just slow down a bit. Start with a massage, lots of stroking and kissing etc.

I've experienced this periodically and believe it's a hormonal issue for me. Are you able to bring yourself off?

I have a similar issue. Really enjoying my new sex life but yet to feel the Earth move. I can DIY one. He is doing all the right things, making the effort but I suspect it is just an issue of relaxing. I'd not had sex for quite a few years in my marriage and even when we did get jiggy with it it was few and far between and very unsatisfying!

Thank you all so much for your replies. To answer 3rd racket, no I can’t bring myself off manually and get close with a vibe but not 100%. What could it be hormonally?

Dink’s, you have given me food for thought but my only concern is I can’t get there DIY style either.

What is wrong with me? I never used to have a problem!

My issue has gone away currently, but I put it down to having recently stopped breastfeeding and possibly fluctuating hormones as I enter perimenopause. My advice is try to ignore it as much as possible. The more notice I took the more stressed I'd get and that certainly doesn't help. I do sympathise though, it's incredibly frustrating. I liken it to a sneeze that builds up but then disappears at the moment you grab a hanky.

Your focused too much about it, stop trying for one and eventually it will happen. As a man its easy for us so I spend a lot of my attention on her during sex, she climaxes best with my fingering her whilst she has a vibrator on her clitoris, more recently she has also squirted sometimes. Just a thought.

I had this for nearly two years once. I could've masturbated for hours and still nothing. It was awful and o did worry it was permanent. It came after our 3rd child and I think it was definitely hormonal. It came back after those two years and was as if nothing had happened. Odd and frustrating but I do believe it won't be forever OP.

Just give it time, Crazy. You say you enjoy sex, that's what matters. Try tantric which is endless pleasure, no beginning or end. Orgasm isn't everything.

Vitamin B12 supplementation in tablet form might be worth researching?
I believe B12 deficiency has an impact on nerve responses.
Having had a course of injections a couple of years back, I was pretty startled with the results

Thank you all for your most recent posts. We had amazing sex this weekend but frustratingly no O and yes I have definitely started to overthink and stress myself. Think DP is feeling like it’s him 😔 I’ve tried a vibrator but it doesn’t happen when with someone else.
What can I physically or mentally do to stop myself from focusing on it? It’s all very well saying relax but I don’t know how too! I’m definitely aroused so at least that’s not a problem. I’m really hoping someone has some advice.

Just try to enjoy what you have, Crazy, which sounds pretty good.

Get pissed first?

on anti depressants or other medication.

Lack of orgasm is definitely a side effect of anti ds for many people and is also a sometimes side effect of other meds

Not on any medication and getting drunk makes me less sensitive!

Orgasm is more physiological, the more you want/try the harder it becomes. More relaxed you are the more likely it will happen.

Have a glass of wine

Try the mini womaniser whilst shagging after a long slow build up. I had the same issue with a new partner then bought the little version of the womaniser and held it in place after loads of foreplay, and wham! So intense I ended up with a thunderclap headache but immensely satisfying for both of us- I couldn't stop coming and he loved that- so did I.

I love wine but for me it doesn't mix well with orgasms. Apart from with the above. I've taken to calling it the orgasmatron. My partner now gets it out, ready for when we are ready to come and hands it to me- 45 seconds to a minute on my clit and I'm solid gone man! And this from someone who has always found orgasms elusive. An ordinary vibrator just doesn't get those results.