Feeling loose down there; anxiety

[LambChopsMcGee]

Ok.
So I didn't change my name as I worried you'd think I was a troll. Please respect the sensitive nature of the topic!!

I had a minor prolapse after the birth of my DC, now 3 years old. Usual thing. Wetting myself a bit and feeling loose. Hurt to run.

I've been doing kegels and invested in a kegel 8, which I've found really good. I also got one of the cones that is supposed to show if you're doing the exercises right, by moving the tail when you squeeze.

When I use this, it doesn't move at all. I feel like I have much better control than I did, but that's disheartening.

I also had sex recently and just felt really .... spacious and didn't feel like it was as good for him or me as before.

I've tried doing kegels with my finger and I can Badger feel movement with one, very slight with two.

The question that will make people think I'm a school holiday troll is: when you put fingers in, and squeeze, can you feel it and how tightly?? I'm really anxious about this and about what I can do, so any advice is appreciated. It's affecting my self esteem even apart from actual sex concerns.

Thanks.

Oh you poor thing OP I thankfully had no issues with my pelvic floor after having DD, I had kegal weights before and I could still hold in the heaviest a few weeks after the birth - but I was lucky. I can very easily feel the muscles tightening with a single finger, but I have religiously done kegal exercises daily since my mid teens. Did you get any help for your prolapse at the time, physio for example? I don't think that prolapses can resolve on their own, despite you doing all the right things with the exercises and kegal8.

Damn, I wrote a reply and lost it!

Thank so much for responding. I appreciate it.

I was always good about doing my kegels, too, since I was quite young. Bad luck I guess.

I did see a physio, both NHS and private, and they recommended a regime of kegels which I have been relatively good about. The Kegel 8 has helped too. I have some Ben Wa balls as well to mix up the exercise.

If anyone has had similar experiences and seen improvement, let me know. I thought things would be much more improved by now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really pleased I’m no longer pissing myself, but it’s really affecting how I see myself and my feelings about sex.

Just bumping this for you OP

Thank you!
I asked MNHQ to move this to the sex thread so I could see what people over here think.

Any advice appreciated!

How are you doing your pelvic floor exercises? Is it a squeeze release? Or a squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze - hold - release, release, release, release? The later works better, or so I'm informed from my continence colleagues.
PFE's can be done anytime, driving by lamposts (squeeze from one lampost to another, release from one lampost to another!) or during adverts, sitting at your desk. I wonder if you're not doing them often enough during the day. As I would imagine you only use your kegel 8 for a short time during the day?
Whatever you're doing is working, but obviously for you, isn't sufficient enough. What does your DP/DH think?
Sex is an excellent way to practice your PFE's!

My friend had an operation to tighten things up down there, she did have two forceps births and apparently there was no way it was returning to normal no matter how many PFE's she did. She said it made a MASSIVE difference and her husband was thrilled
I think the exercises help, most hospitals do post natal classes in them so I would head there to make sure you are doing them correctly. Also Pilates and keeping the weight down also helps apparently
It is a common problem but no one seems to talk about and even here the replies are pretty slim generally.
I do think most men don't notice a difference or if they do it is minor in most cases but I can understand why it would upset you.

I had wondered about operations...things are complicated at home so I actually think if I did that DP would not be happy as he would think I was thinking of leaving him. It's...yeah there's other stuff going on there.

It's true I maybe haven't been committed enough to doing the PFEs regularly. I use the Kegel 8 every night for a recommended session, but I should do more unassisted ones. I do 10 second holds and then 10 quick ones, then up and down like a lift, like @gussiegrips recommends.

I have the squeezy app reminding me 3 x a day, but I don't always do it. I need to up my game.

I find the ben wa balls are good but again I was a bit disappointed how hard I found it holding them in.

I just wish people would talk about it. People kind of say that it's a myth that you get looser, but I know I had a long and difficult delivery, with forceps, and it would make sense to have permanent damage.