Scared of having sex after giving birth

[Pondlife87]

Hello,
I had a baby girl 14 weeks ago. After a difficult and long labour I had a forceps delivery with epistiotomy.
I am so terrified of having sex again. My husband and I tried earlier and we just couldn't get it in. We used lots of lube and tried to go slowly as possible, but I just ended up in tears.
I have always been very tight down there, but after 6 months of no intercourse and being stitched up it feels even smaller now.
I think there is a psychological element as 1. I don't feel very attractive and 2. After a traumatic birth I am terrified of getting pregnant again. We are making sure we do other things to stay sexually active and intimate, but I'm not sure my husband would like a lifetime of no intercourse (although he says otherwise).

Has anyone got any advice/ has anyone been through this and come out the positive side?

14 weeks is NOTHING in post-birth terms. Your body is still healing and recuperating. You must still be very busy and tired with the baby. Maybe just be prepared to leave it for a while?

Take your time, organise some contraception that will stop you worrying, and then ultimately see a doctor if things don't work out.

It’s early days still. Take your time and get the contraception sorted.

Maybe more oral only sessions to begin with? It’s important to see the bigger picture beyond penetration.

Get a set of graduated dildos and use them by yourself. When you can accommodate the largest size comfortably hopefully your worries about having a penis inside you will disappear.

Agree with the others that 14 weeks are nothing. I had a similar birth story and, while I may have been ready psyhically, psychologically I was not ready for MONTHS.

If you are not being seen by a physiotherapist please ask for a referral. I can't stress how important this is.

The suggestion to try using the graduated dildos is a good one. Try to get comfortable on your own before trying again with your husband.

Genuinely - It was MONTHS before I was even NEARLY ready to try to have intercourse. Take your time and go at your own pace.

Some regions provide counselling for traumatic births - this may be worth discussing with your GP as it sounds like it may benefit you.

Good luck and take care - be kind to yourself as you have been through a lot!