Boyfriend said having sex with me was like...

[embarrassed123]

having sex with a dead body.

This was last week. Obviously I feel horrendous and has thrown up a lot of questions about all the other times we've had sex.

Ok, I might not be good in bed but I try. I'm much less experienced than him but actually I do like to try new things, I'm quite open about this and when we first got together we were much more adventurous. I always go down on him (quick he rarely reciprocates) and I'd say in terms of positions if I'm honest it's probably me more on top than any other !!

He's quite fussy about where I touch him, and because I have a much higher sex drive than him, it's quite hard when you're always turned down so I guess I could go back to initiating more.

I guess my question lies in.. where do I go from here? I feel like next time we have sex will be awful because I'll just feel so self conscious.

Also since he said it he's just complained about how long it is since we last had sex ?!? But how does he expect me to feel after he's said that...

It doesn't seem that he is that great based on what you have said. You both need some honest discussions and be clear what you both like, and also what he expects. You can then decide if that works for you!

If a man said that to me I'd never fuck him again. He's a pig.

We have had a couple of conversations, open ones. The problem is he doesn't like talking about it..

Even just after we have done it, even I say something positive like that was good or I liked it when you did x or did you like x, he immediately shuts the conversation down...

Sex is very much on his terms

"Where do we go from here?"
To pastures new I reckon. You sound lovely, he sounds selfish.

He doesn't like talking about it, but strangely he didn't have too much trouble telling you that you are like a corpse in bed.

It doesn't sound to me as though there is much to work on in your relationship, so my advice would be to stop trying to fix the unfixable and move on.

He clearly has hang-ups about sex and he is trying to project them onto you. It sounds like you are doing nothing wrong and a lot of things right.

I have no hesitation in suggesting that you break it off and take your talents where they are more appreciated.

Have sex with someone else who is more respectful.

Gah. I do have a tendency to be 'over sensitive' as he would say but your responses maybe point out what I'm feeling is slightly valid !!

I'm seeing him today (we don't live together) .. I think I'll gauge what my next steps are based on how he is.

I know he'll think I'm being deliberately obtuse if i bring it up that's all

He has successfully projected his problems onto you if you are thinking that you are being deliberately obtuse by bringing up a subject.

He won’t improve. Find someone better I suggest

Dump him asap, plenty of nice guys out there.
I never would of said anything bad to my late wife and if I did sex was dropped straight away .

Zombie make-up freak him out

I just had a thought, Zombie make-up on, approach the bed chanting "Brains, brains", sniff his head, shake your head and walk away chanting "Brains, brains".

Dump this guy, he has no manners,and is very disrespectful to you.
You have already said,that sex is on his terms only, well, time to move on ,and get a nicer man into your life.

He's done a number on you. How is it obtuse to want to talk about something? Would he say that because you've talked about it before?

Conversation isn't like a gig ticket which you can only use once. I can see why you wouldn't want to talk to him again though. It sounds as if he is lashing out for a reason that may not have a lot to do with you.

I hope op's going to come back and say she dumped him.

Unfortunately not..!

I haven't actually spoken to him about it or properly seen him since I posted on here. That's Thursday.

I've thought a lot about the responses I got (thankyou so much) and although I see it a lot on here and think 'whatever!' it really wasn't what I expected back.

I think I expected you to echo what he said.

Which is maybe indicative of a bigger issue. I think this is a head over heart issue. And this isn't our only issue as a couple. I think it's hit home because sex is so intimate and I've always been open with him (i have never had an orgasm and he's the first person I didn't fake it with and told the truth!!)

What you're all saying about me not being able to bring it up is also true. Sometimes I feel like I brush things under the carpet because I don't want to cause an argument or discontentment. But don't we all?

OP, aside from the other issues here, we are all responsible for our own orgasm. Take time out to discover and explore your own body as well as investing in a vibey if you have not done so.

Try this book - "For Yourself" about achieving orgasm on your own. It takes practice and a bit of self-knowledge but it's definitely doable.
Being with someone who isn't respectful or reciprocal won't be helping you at all.

Sometimes I feel like I brush things under the carpet because I don't want to cause an argument or discontentment. But don't we all?

Honestly? No. It's not healthy and does nothing to build a good relationship.

I'd bin this cunt TBH. He won't give you oral. He slags off your sexual performance in completely innacurate terms (I can assure you a corpse doesn't go on top... oh god that sounds like I shag dead people. But you know what I mean!)

But most importantly he won't discuss your sex life in honest terms. He doesn't give a flying fuck about your pleasure. He just wants to put the blame for his inadequate performance on you.

You can do SOOOO much better than this! Get rid and find someone who will want you to be satisfied as well as him.

Also, I'd suspect his comments about "dead body" are designed to keep you dancing to his tune, going more and more out of your comfort zone and agreeing to things which you don't want but he demands (watersports, rimming on him, receiving anal etc.) Don't fall for it.

(Not that there's anything wrong with those if you want them. Nobody should feel obliged to do anything in bed just because their partner slags off their sexual performance.)

This isn't really a sex topic tbh. It's a relationship one. even if he does wish you were a bit more enthusiastic in bed there are far nicer, more constructive ways to encourage and inspire you. To tell you that you are like a corpse is absolutely horrible. I can't believe he would say something so demeaning and expect you to give him another moment of your time.