Sex with genital herpes

[Eleanorsummer]

Long post sorry this isn't about risks of passing it on to a partner or how to tell them. I have done my research on that and would obviously tell any potential intimate partners and give them information on the condition.
I feel absolutely devastated at the moment. I hadn't had sex for 15 months, met someone who I really clicked with, we discussed if we'd been tested and the results before sex. I really enjoyed the foreplay, but the actually sex was far too rough for me and was painful.
This pain started to subside, but I started with new pain in my vagina, the opening and burning/tight itchy feeling in that region. Went to the doctors who diagnosed a water infection and recommended me to go to the sexual health clinic the next day.
I did do and the physical exam was excruciating, but she said she couldn't give me an explanation for my pain and symptoms and to wait for the swab results.
The next day I woke up with 2 small bumps on the right side of my vulva and one painful one on the left. By that afternoon they'd got bigger and more painful, so I thought they could be herpes. Went back to my doctor who said they looked like herpes sores, he gave me tablets to start taking and sent me back to the sexual health clinic to swab the blisters/sores. I still am awaiting the results and to see if it is type one or two. The guy I was dating wasn't very supportive or caring so we decided to leave things, although he has now sent an apologetic text and said he'll get tested asap (I now believe he wasn't telling the full truth about getting tested before).
So, I'm left on my own and worried about future sexual relationships. I wouldn't want to have sex for a while yet as too scared, but hope to be able to enjoy sex again at some point. I didn't have sex till I was 23 and have been raped by one guy and another partner gave me chlamydia (he lied about being tested too) So I've only had two positive sexual experiences.
My worry now is that I read sex can be something that can cause a flare up of herpes symptoms because of the friction. I am hoping that there are some women out there who can give me some positive outcomes. That they are able to still have sex without causing an outbreak of sores after?
Also any tips? I read to use lots of lube so there's less friction.
I already have one incurable disease (not sexually related) that greatly impacts my life, so to find out I have another has left me very depressed.

(Sorry) *

I have it. I have to take daily anti-viral to keep on top of it at the moment. If I forget I do get a flair up but they are very minor.
After the initial flair up, subsequent ones can be very very minor or non existent. It's just a waiting game till you see how your body copes.
But sex doesn't cause any flare ups if I'm taking the pills.
Don't beat yourself up about it. A huge % of the population carry the Hsv1/2 virus and have no idea. You just happen to be armed with the knowledge that you do carry it.
A standard check up at the the Sexual health clinic won't pick it up unless you are mid flare up or they do a blood test so you can't always blame the guy for not knowing either.
Give yourself time. It felt like a life sentence to me when 1st diagnosed but it's really not.

I contracted it 11 years ago no idea if it was lying dormant in my system or I contracted it from my partner. My initial flare up was horrendous and I had a couple of flare ups quickly after that but I’ve had no further flare ups for years.

Thank you for your replies. They have helped ease my worries somewhat. I think I was also feeling very down about the stigma attached to having genital herpes, but after much research I have found that it is quite common.
My one worry is that my other health condition causes me constant pain and I'm due to have surgery at the start of September. I've been advised by the surgeon to take the meds for a period before and after the op to try prevent a flare up. Going to talk to my gp next week about it.
SpringtimeSun how long did you leave it before taking the meds daily? I think I feel down as well as the guy I was with doesn't want to see me anymore. He has been apologetic but says it's too much too soon.
I guess I feel very lonely.

I've had it for 4 years. Gosh I was so poorly with my first outbreak. I couldn't get out of bed for a month. It took every ounce of energy I had and I was trying to get over the shock of getting them.

The guy who gave me them was sort of supportive - also shocked. He had never ever had an outbreak. He wasn't sure he had passed them on to me. No idea he had them. Even though it can't be 100%, I hadn't had sex in 8 months prior to him. Me and the guy split up for a few weeks....

He's now my husband and is currently going through his first proper outbreak....actually second. He's had one before years ago and he went to the docs who said it was something completely different and gave him some cream! I'm now 100% dh had no idea.

For me,4 years down the line, I get it when I'm stressed or run down. I've also had a baby.

If I were ever single again and met someone...I'd have no issue in telling them. Its not a big deal to me anymore. Sooooo many people have it. I don't take any meds but I probably would if I did start a new relationship.

Not much advice or info I know but just thought I'd share my story.

It's just the shock now op, I don't even think about having them now . Good luck x

I was taking the med every time I had a flair up but I was no sooner finishing a course than I had to get another prescription.
Now I take a daily 'maintenance' dose instead which does help but I've had no luck weaning off them. Maybe after 3 months I went daily.

Another good tip is a daily antihistamine to help with the itch. Which is actualky your damaged nerves but when you scratch it releases a massive dose of histamine.

A daily antihistamine has really been a game changer for me.

Hi, sorry to hijack but my recent ex-partner had herpes and, starting about 6 months into our relationship, had an outbreak that then went on for three months. We had to abstain from sex for the duration of that time which I found really difficult and contributed to our breaking up. How common is it for outbreaks to last so long? I thought it would get better after a couple of weeks. Unfortunately he refused to see a Dr or take any medication for it as he said it hadn't worked in the past.

I can't really help, sorry, but from what I've read that's uncommon. My sores cleared completely after 6 days. I want to take meds daily though as have an operation next month and the surgeon has recommended to take them for a period before and after.
Usually the meds help. Not sure what to suggest. Some people say lysine can help prevent a flare up.

Thanks Eleanorsummer. I suppose it doesn't really matter now but I'm sad the relationship didn't work out and still trying to make sense of a few things.
I hope your operation goes well. For what it's worth I've now had two relationships with people who've got herpes. It's so common it doesn't put me off getting involved with someone as long as they are honest and careful not to pass it on. Apparently my local sexual health clinic doesn't even screen for it because so many people have it!

Thank you MsDFye
I got my results back yesterday from the swabs and tested positive for hs1. They said that is usually less severe than hs2. I let my former partner know and he didn't reply then blocked me.
I am pretty sure it was from oral as he had a cold sore a day later. Guess I'm better off without him if this is how he reacts.

Hi Eleanor,
I've been away for a week so have only just seen your last post. I'm really sorry to hear you got a positive result. Yes you are much better off without this guy! I hope you're feeling ok .

Please don’t be embarassed or worried about the stigma.

I went to the sexual health clinic with what I was worried at the time was herpes, but hoped it was bad shaving rash but was so uncomfortable deep down I knew it wasn’t from shaving! They swabbed a spot and tested it and confirmed herpes but that I had contracted it from oral sex, hs1 I believe. My first flare up was awful but I was at work and carried on although felt the same as you. My boyfriend gets cold sores so we have concluded he has accidentally given me herpes during the ‘shedding’ that happens before an outbreak. He is always so careful, it was awful but an accident. Herpes is just the same as cold sore virus and no one feels much shame about that, just because it’s on the genitalia doesn’t make it worse. Chicken pox is the same sort of virus, they all lie dormant in the spine. So many people have it and don’t even know they have it so impossible to know who you got it from and will be very unlikely you can control not passing it on. Although abstaining from sex during an outbreak obviously,
But you can still transmit the virus even if know symptoms and you can not be tested if there are no symptoms.

It’s not a big deal, IMO and as long as you’re healthy and don’t get run down too often hopefully you won’t get anymore outbreaks.

I haven’t hd any more outbreaks. I’m not ashamed, I tell a lot of people about it. It’s important the stigma is broken.
No one is given a hard time over having a cold sore are they? Or chicken pox? It’s no different.

Don’t be sad, once it’s gone you won’t think about it. Get some tablets in the cupboard so you can take them if you start to feel any symptoms repeating. I haven’t used any of mine but my openness about it means that friends have borrowed tablets when they’ve felt cold sores coming on!!