DH unable to get erect and I feel crap

[skysallblue]

For quite a while, when we've had sex, I've had the feeling DH has been semi erect when inside me as I can't really feel him. He has also been less affectionate in general, but we've both been very busy so I've put it down to that. We hadn't had sex for over a week then the other night he was unable to get erect at all. We tried again yesterday and the same thing happened. I'm feeling pretty crappy - like he doesn't fancy me, but trying to reassure him it's ok. He said it could be because he's getting older but we're only 44 and the thought that that is the end of our sex life is awful.

His semi erections are also a problem for me as I can't relax and enjoy sex as I'm feeling like he going to loose it all the time. He claims he doesn't realise it's not fully erect when he tries to enter me with a semi and I point out he's not ready yet.

I feel pissed off, rejected and like I'm ignoring my sexual side, but have to be fine about it with DH and can't really express how I feel to him or I just end up making the problem worse by putting him under more pressure to get an erection.

He's fit, exercises regularly, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink excessively, no diabetes or circulation problems. Is there any hope?

Reduce the frequency/expectation-sometimes less is more!!

Are you getting him hard in foreplay?

If he’s not getting hard from oral, there is a problem.

He sounds like he needs a change of some sort, and maybe you do too.

He's not always getting fully hard from foreplay the tries to enter me semi erect. He is also not keen on oral and never has been. Not sounding great is it.

You’re right: 44 is no age to start getting erectile dysfunction. What sort of exercise is he doing? Endurance stuff like cycling or very long distance running can have an adverse effect of testosterone levels; whereas heavy weight lifting can boost them.

Diet is a big thing as well.

He really needs to speak to his GP. The root cause could be any number of things and his ED may be a symptom of a more worrying problem. You assuming he doesn't find you attractive is driven by your own emotions and is almost certainly a red herring - a fit and healthy man in his mid forties should be able to get throbbingly hard at the sight of a bare thigh.

Firstly be gentle and supportive. Does he wake with spontaneous firm.erections? I am 54 and I still do...not every day but probably weekly? If he does it is most likely not to be a physical issue. Others will doubtless mention it but does he use porn a lot and masturbate to it? Tricky to find out but it may be a reason. As a previous poster has said 44 seems early to be having issues so it needs to be investigated if only to eliminate an underlying physical or circulation issue. Beyond that it will be some sort of psychological issue...and not getting an erection leads to fear of failure which leads to inability to become aroused...a vicious circle. Lots of reassurance and no pressure to perform will most likely resolve the issue

To echo the views of others. You are not the one responsible for his erections or otherwise. It is not for you to get him hard.

If he is worrying about it during sex, that is going to make his performance suffer. Medication can also a be cause. It’s time for him to see a doctor.

Age should not be an issue here, I’ve had quality sex with a number of people older than 44.

I'm the same situation. Except we are younger. It sucks all around. My bf feels inadequate and I feel undesirable. Now that viagra connect is over the counter, that has helped. The key is communication, being open about the situation can really help to avoid hurt feelings. It is a cycle. He is worried about not getting an erection, that really doesn't help. I'm not sure if he can get erection therefore I'm too serve did initiate since the rejection take a a toll on my confidence. He then in turn is worried about hurting my feelings.

What I'm wondering is that he doesn't realize that he is not fully erect? Is he just saying that cause he doesn't want to admit to it? Or does he really not feel the difference? I'd go see a doctor or pick up some viagra to try. What's unclear to me is that is he bothered about this?

has he been on anti-depressants at any point? Is he more stressed? Is there anything out of the usual happening?

@skysallblue when I met my partner, he had had issues with this and its depression related. He uses Viagra to combat it when he needs to. I did feel a bit bothered initially but I think bothered him more and the stress doesn't help things. We just enjoy each other in other ways and I try not to pressure him. If he wants to take Viagra, then I leave it to him rather than insisting anything.

@skysallblue you could be talking about me. I'm early thirties and my DH is mid-thirties. This has been in a problem in our life for 15 years. It's been an on-off problem with not being able to maintain an erection, and more recently he's developed premature ejaculation problems which means that he's doesn't even make it near me. He tells me if happened before me, that it's happened when it's just him but it's getting worse. Sometimes we can manage once a week but we're down to once a month now. I came off the pill in January and have PCOS so my cycles are long and irregular.

We don't discuss children or conception or anything. There's no point. I know that'll make thing worse, but for me, I just want to feel wanted and desperately miss the intimacy. He says he'll go to his GP and doesn't, instead we just go longer and longer without sex. He doesn't even seem to 'do it himself', he's just not interested in sex at all. It's hard to deal with to be fair. It hurts

I also had problems and was fit, took exercise, didn't drink much, later than 45 but problems yes.... I eventually found out I had a heart valve defect from birth. I'd say he needs a check up.