I have zero confidence in the bedroom. Help!

[Ax688]

I have no confidence, I feel awkward, embarrassed and feel im shit at this whole sex thing. Sex, oral, lights on, etc EVERYTHING.. I have absolutely no confidence. I cant make eye contact when we have sex. I hate initiating anything. What can I do do help myself feel better and confident. I'm almost at the point I want to avoid it. I've been with my partner about 7 months. Before that I was in an abusive relationship and my ex would insult my body and generally make me feel shit in every possible way.

My new partner Is amazing, kind, caring. I just want to be able to have sex and not feel embarrassed and rubbish. So any advice or tips would be much appreciated.

OP, I am sorry that your past is haunting you.

It sounds as if you now have a caring partner, so the most important thing is to communicate.

Secondly, hey, it’s summer. Suggestion: Try and spend as much time naked as possible in the privacy of your own home. Feeling natural and relaxed about your body will all lead to quality sex. It’s a big slope, but you can get there.

If you trust your partner, talk. It's v hard but I've recently had to have v awkward talk about similar stuff and it's made a big difference. If you can really feel connected mentally then physical stuff follows.

I'd be interested in hearing some men's opinions on this

Many men also lack confidence in the bedroom, feelings of 'not measuring up' and not lasting long enough, and if it's not like the movies you must be shit at it! Real life is not like the movies, accepting that most things are not 'perfect' allows you to understand what is good and what does work for you and your partner. Talking is good and listening is better.

I wonder if you might find omgyes or a sex therapy session(s) helpful.

Have a couple of drinks or even better smoke some weed it'll help lower your inhibitions.