How to 'label' what happened.

[ShitStormInATeacup]

When I was in my late teens my boyfriend at the time wanted to try anal, I adamantly didn't but he was often badgering me about it.

Fast forward 6 months and during intercourse he 'slipped' into my anus.

I screamed out in pain, pushed him away, grabbed my clothes and immediately left in tears.

For days after I experienced bleeding and pain and didn't poo for a week as I was terrified of how much it would hurt.

Bf attempted to make contact many times and when I eventually spoke to him he insisted it was an accident and he 'slipped'. At the time I was young and naive and believed him because I wanted to. In hindsight, I think he decided to just give it a try in the hope I wouldn't object.

The reason for sharing this is that I currently have medical symptoms which will almost certainly require some form of internal investigations in my back passage. Due to what happened I have severe issues with even the idea of anyone going near my back passage (nauseous/panicky) and fight or flight kicks in. I feel like I will actually need to be completely put to sleep or heavily sedated to allow the investigations to take place.

I don't want the consultant to think I'm just being a snowflake (I'm had two children and I'm not shy!) but what do I say? How to I explain what happened?

I'm so sorry, that's awful. I do think that you need to explain you're nervous and I'm 100% sure you will not be dismissed.

That's awful and I say it as someone who has had the same thing 'accidentally happen '.

I have also had to have investigations there and a colonoscopy. It'll be ok and just tell your consultant that you are scared. You don't need to say why. They'll understand without you needing to explain. I was sedated and although I was awake it was ok.

That was anal rape

I agree absolutely with Joystir59. He raped you OP. I think you should tell your consultant so that he fully understands why this will be such a traumatic procedure for you. He will not judge you (because you have absolutely nothing whatsoever to be judged for) and you will not have to go into any detail.

Only you know how you have coped with this emotionally since it happened. Please give some thought as to whether you might benefit from speaking to someone in confidence, there are agencies and charities out there that can support you if you feel it would be beneficial to you.

Thank you everyone for your words of advice.

I only had an abdominal examination on Thursday so although it was on the tip of my tongue to speak up I didn't raise my concerns or feel the need to speak up.

Colonoscopy within the next two weeks though, just taking it one appointment at a time.

That was rape. You dont misjudge so badly that you cause internal injuries. That's horrific. And I say that as someone who loves anal so I dont care where he puts it. It was rape.

I had similar experiences with first H. He liked raping me, however he could.
It left me with a fear of intimate exams for many many years after .
After a lot of councelling and finally sharing my history with my now DH I was able to go for a smear, then other internal exams. I disclosed the background of CSA and rape etc before we even got to the exams, and every HCP has been wonderful, reassuring, talking me through it.
I'm glad I talked about it to them, I hope you can do that as well?