Sex on antidepressants- men's opinions welcome please!

[AnnieBelinda]

My new partner is on antidepressants and has been for over two years. He previously told me that he had stopped sleeping with his previous girlfriend because he wasn't sexually attracted to her any more, but also mentioned that he didn't enjoy sex because not being able to orgasm- either at all or for a long time- ruins the pleasure of the experience for him. Last night was what I thought would be the first time we'd sleep together. We were kissing and he was very turned on, and had an erection, but said he didn't want to have sex.
Is this common? I'd assumed it was the lack of attraction with his partner that was the problem, rather than the medication. Maybe he's lost confidence but I'm doubting myself now. I'm really unsure how to deal with this and would love to hear other people's opinions of this side effect of anti depressants.

This is my second round of Ecitalopram in 10 years. This year marks 3 years on it. I was warned when I originally took it that it could lead to a delay in my orgasm. The anti depressant itself leaves me pretty much disconnected from everything, my libido is there but opportunities are so few and far between that its almost as if I have none. I rarely get an erection and am rarely turned on. I can still ejaculate though but it can be a lengthy process. The view of men is that we ejaculate willy nilly during sex so I can see that his not being able to cum can be causing confidence issues. Sex doesnt always have to end in an orgasm.

A plague on anti-depressants! If your life is wonderful, your job fantastic, your relationship superb, you have no money worries, you live in a lovely home, etc., but are still depressed then you may be a candidate for anti-depressants.

However, most of us are depressed as a consequence of being trapped in shitty situations, so taking pills to rectify a supposed chemical imbalance in the brain will do nothing to change the fundamentals of our lives.

GPs usually prescribe these tablets for the wrong reasons and would be more useful if they stopped giving us a script and shooing us out of the door.

On top of that, these tablets can screw with the basics of your life, such as your libido. My advice would be to wean him off the tablets, sort out why he feels as he does and then do something positive about it.

I managed to get off these pills but not without lasting effects to my sex drive, so I wish you and him all the best.

ADs tend to affect sexual response ie can cause erectile dysfunction. I would have thought though that as he had an erection that he would be up for it so maybe its something else? After two years maybe he should be looking to wean himself off them as they are really not a long term solution.

He might need a different one, sertraline causes me the least problems in that area, I have been on it for about six years.

Thanks everyone. The fact that he had an erection was what was confusing. But maybe he couldn't maintain it- is that a side effect? I had assumed- and I'm prepared to be wrong about this!- that he would rather have sex without an orgasm than no sex at all? But he didn't want to- and coupled with the pressure of the first time etc maybe it was just too much.

Please do not take random internet people’s advice re ‘weaning off’ medications. Yes, they may be causing side effect which result in his sexual dysfunction but please seek advice and a proper tapering plan (if appropriate) from a medical professional before just stopping or reducing prescribed medication.

Hardness is not the issue, it’s reaching orgasm! He probably can’t be bothered banging away for nothing. Get him to give you oral and that you really crave it.....would take the pressure off him and you’d get a nice time!👍

Twins- don't worry, I have no intention in trying to wean him off the medication!
Christian- banging away for nothing?! I get what you're saying. But if he can orgasm eventually, maybe it's not for nothing?

AnnieB-he can’t be bothered going to so much trouble to get off, that’s the point I’m making!! This is the issue, no more or less. The trick is to divert him, take him on a detour, in order to ultimately get to the same destination. This happens when the pressure is off.

My partner was on anti-depressants when we met and hadn't even realised that he couldn't orgasm - so 'numbing' was the effect of them. Initially, like any new couple, we had a great sex life - just without him being able to orgasm. He spoke to his GP a few times and switched medications but nothing seemed to make much difference.

Over the years, as the first lust wore away, our sexual relationship fizzled to nothing as there was no drive towards an end goal, "no itch to scratch" for him.

He could still get am erection and this would happen frequently, much to my frustration. Eventually, last year, with the support of his GP he came off them all together and things are signify better!!

He now initiates sex and can orgasm easily. Unfortunately, he is prone to periods of sadness and is more easily overwhelmed with life which requires more patience from me, but on balance, I feel our relationship had improved considerably

Just digressing slighlty,,may i recommend a very good book? Its entitled "brilliant CBT " by Dr Stephen Briars..

I actually preferred sex when on sertraline as it lasted as long as I wanted to whereas without it if it's good then nothing is stopping me from coming. Wanking when taking them was always a challenge as I don't watch porn nowadays.