Bisexuality and mourning for the lost sex.

[SpookyMulder]

I don't know if MN is the best or right place to talk about this but it's the only forum I post on really and I don't want to join a sex forum.

I've always been bisexual. From a young age I've fancied both men and women.

I met my DH very young and we have been together our whole lives since that point.

I love him to pieces, am very attracted to him we have great sex.

I had a few girlfriends over a span of 2 years and loved having sex with women (DH was NEVER involved at all) but he decided that wasn't for him and that ended over a year ago.

I miss sex with women.

I know many people will say you need to make a choice and I have. I've chosen DH. I love him.

But I miss the sex, one aspect of it particularly you can't recreate with a man (trying to avoid details as I don't want to be called a troll /pervert)

I think it's hard for non bi people to understand.

I don't miss a particular person or a female relationship.

It's like your two favorite things being kissing and hugging and being told you can only do one of those for the rest of your life.

Last night I dreamt about it and I woke up feeling sad I will never get to do that again.

It's not a slight against DH. It's not his fault.

And its not like people can say well you need to leave him if that's not what you want because I love straight sex too and I would miss that!

And beyond just the sex I love him.

I know people will also say well once you choose a person regardless of sexuality you shouldn't want to sleep with anyone else, but it's not about the person it's about the act if that makes sense.

I'm not sure if that makes sense at all. And I'm not sure if people here will understand but it's just how I feel today.

There's nothing really to be done. I just felt like getting it in paper so to speak.

Also my name change failed. Great.

I suppose all you can do is follow the AA mantra - today I am not having sex with a woman.

Sadly, unless your husband changes his mind, you cant really have both so you need a coping strategy.

I can see why you would be sad though

I think you've been very lucky that your dh has allowed you to step outside your marriage at all. Being bi doesn't change the commitment you made to your husband.

Many people of many sexual orientations make choices to be in long term relationships that mean that certain sexual acts will no longer be part of their sex life. You either get over it or get out. Perhaps there are things your dh misses too?

I sort of get where you are coming from.
I think i use fantasy and share fantasies with DH in order to satisfy the missing bit.
But there are lots of things in life we don't get to do again even if they were great. I will never go waterskiing, play cricket or breastfeed a baby again. This may be a silly comparison but if it is any different then maybe your feelings for women are too much for you to put on hold.

The thing you miss, is it tribbing?

Sorry to join the party so late so to speak. I only usually look at MN every other Saturday due to family commitments. Like you - SpookyMulder - I’ve always known i was attracted to men and women although it took me until I was divorced from my first husband at 29 to do anything about it. That was attending a swingers party as a single female and OMG; it was a huge revelation. Kissing women is something I love as well as giving oral sex (which over the last ten years of practice at swinging parties around 6 times a year has resulted in me being told I’m pretty good at it!). I’m in a relationship now - DP is fully aware - and is fully supportive of me attending parties. He has been to a few with me but isn’t fussed so I usually go on my own. I completely understand what you’re saying - if you’d like to PM ever - please do! I hope you can find what works for you so that you can deal with this desire.

I've always been bi but when I met my partner 26 years ago I decided not to tell him and almost lost the desire for women .
3 years ago our relationship hit the rocks and he had an affair!
I had a few relationships with women whilst we were separated but stopped when we reconciled.
Whilst we are both happy our relationship is back on track I do stray now and again with one lady.
Not ideal but the urge has been relit and I don't think it will go away.

I have a different perspective on it, I am happily married to my husband, I love him very much, but I regret never having a relationship with a woman, I think I would have liked it very much, I've certainly had a massive crush on a female friend before and struggled with it. But I adore my husband, so unless circumstances changed I will live with my regret.

I’ve recently started to look for women with my dh’s blessing, so I totally get where you’re coming from. Have you told him recently how you’re feeling.