To want to watch my OH with another person?

[heythere12]

For quite a while I have had a fantasy of watching my OH having sex with someone else. He has never raised this and didn't seem keen initially (because he wouldn't like to see me with someone else) but now I think he's changing his mind.

Just wondered if anyone had similar experiences and how it worked out? I can completely understand that he is able to separate sex from love so I'm not worried I'll be jealous. I suppose the reason for posting is because it will be a new experience and I'm interested in other people's stories. Just trying to be fully informed before we take that step.

Don't think it's that much of uncommon fantasy...guess the logistics of making it happen and potential emotional fall out means it usually stays that way.

Also think a lot of people have sex lives which involve occasional 'gimmicks' and have perfectly happy relationships. But probably not on mumsnet.

A friend of mine did this. Ended their relationship.
She thought she wanted to see it, turns out the enjoyment her other half had was actually more than she'd anticipated and he then asked for it to be repeated and she felt upset.
That's why fantasies of this nature really should be kept as such as the reality can be very different.

It’s not something I would do, but that doesn’t make your fantasy any less valid. It also doesn’t need to be a “gimmick” as a PP said, for some it’s a life choice, an adventure or just something they want to do. It’s no different than BDSM which again is a thing people just like and they are not resorting to ‘gimmicks’ to make their sex lure fun. Some people (including me) are just really vanilla in their tastes. Sex and love is rarely separated in our society because men want to keep women in check “ 👋🏻 hey patriarchy”
Good luck OP

Agreed geekone, was referring to a previous post where someone suggested 'gimmicks' was a clear sign your relationship/sex life was crap.

If you think you could handle the jealously and be able to communicate any insecurities with your partner, I'd say look for someone on a dating app/website (with what you want clearly outlined in your bio)

@missmoz I too was referring to that post 😂 you can just type quicker than me

Now that it's over in Sex I'll answer more sensibly!

I think the sort of reality you're considering is possible but it would depend on your dynamic and the basis that your relationship is formed on. You said you'd be devastated if he cheated but that you can separate the two aspects, however as far as I can see this is untested in your relationship assuming it has been monogamous.

Many people have fantasies - I for example have a few slightly niche sexual interests however strictly in an 'other people doing it's way, and I wouldn't be able to enact them myself and have absolutely no inclination to try it out.

You'll need to have a chat with your partner about it and be prepared with the reality that it may permanently harm your relationship if it wasnt the kink you were expecting. Good luck!

Maybe a swingers club might be worth a try ? Go with an open mind but remember once it’s happened it can’t be undone or unseen!

I'd quite to see this with my FWB and another woman. He has been with lots of women before me so wouldn't care either way but I am just curious to see how he performs, and enjoy the idea that he comes home with me. Weird I know. He, I believe, would feel the same as me. I am too scared to follow up on it as might mean venturing to a swingers club or something. ...

We tried to do this, met up with a woman and everything but in the end I couldn't go through with it, even though it was me that first mentioned it. I think the fantasy was better than the reality when it came right down to it.
We have been talking about attending a swingers club as a less full on option but again, I think the fantasy is better than the reality!

We've done this the other way i.e. DH watching me with another man. Usually a MMF. It's a big kink for him and he gets off on it. I haven't got to the point where I'd want it the other way though, and don't think I ever will.

Because it's at his instigation it's not had a negative affect on our relationship, quite the opposite in fact.

Once he has had that unique fresh meat experience there may be no going back. He may enjoy the thrill of it more than you. He may compare her to you. Is that worth risking.

What would you do if you went ahead with this fantasy of yours,and you then didn't enjoy watching the action, would you run out of the room or wherever,or try and stop the proceedings mid action ? I am really only making a joke of it,as it is a joke to me,and rather weird.

Horses for courses. I fantasised about watching my DP with someone else. We went to a club just to have a look and ended up getting sexual with another couple. We were fine, lots of talking and acknowledging that we would be fine whatever the outcome as we both wanted to try it and both took responsibility if it went wrong and both of us could call a halt to anything at anytime and would leave immediately.

We have met many loving, committed couples who enjoy making their fantasies real. For some it works and is just a sexy add on to an otherwise already great sex life.

Your communication has to be brilliant and trust each other 100% to put each other first no matter what happens.

Keep this as a fantasy. Trust me here - it ends in tears

You are taking a big risk with your relationship, it may add to it but it could also end it. This doesn't mean you shouldn't do it but you should be aware of the ramifications. Your post indicates how you would feel about it but for your DH, you seem to think that he will have just the assumed male responses ( see it as just an act). This may not be the case.