This is probably naive, right?

[ChalkandScissors]

I'm recently single after a 20 year relationship.

I've no interest in another relationship, but I'd like to have some fun friendships as it were.

I don't have anyone on the horizon, so I'd be meeting men specifically for casual sex I guess.

Is it possible to do this safely? All I read are scary stories or ridiculously unbelievable ones. Am I naive to think that I could have mutually compatible fun with a man and not entangle my (complicated) life with an actual relationship?

Maybe someday I'll be willing to have a serious relationship again, but I'd rather not be alone-alone during the interim.

AIBU?

I think so.

You’ll be extremely popular on POF, Tinder & Fab Swingers. Good luck and enjoy

As long as you don't start anything more than casual sex, ie texting, spending time together etc, then it should be fine.

In my experience (10 year marriage, mutual separation, 3 years ago) the times I've since had ONS / cas sex without any other communication it's been fine, no feelings, just fun.

twice, I've had more of a FWB situation going on, and the first time he got feelings & the second I did... Not so nice.

Agree, you'll be popular on Tinder etc if you're only after the sex.

Have fun & be careful :)

Well I think I'd have to have quite a stringent vetting process. No iffy photos, no spelling mistakes. A coffee first.

I've never done anything like this before, and even contemplating it feels quite exciting.

Any good places to read safety tips?

My personal preference in such circumstances has been to have sex with friends. With the right conversations beforehand, it needn’t spoil a friendship and you know you are safe.

I need to make more friends then....

Any good places to read safety tips?

Common sense should cover most of it:

1. Always trust your gut and don't worry about being unfair or causing offense. If your spider senses are tingling then bin, block and forget;
2. Meet somewhere public (e.g. coffee shop) for a quick chat and sense check before the big night . Remember rule number 1.
3. Do not give out any information that could be used to identify or trace you - no surnames, no addresses, be vague about what you do for a living etc.
4. Do not meet for the main event at either yours or his, ever. Use hotels, preferably ones that you know have CCTV and are reasonably busy.
5. If you have a friend you can trust, let them know where you're going and let them know once you're out of there safely.
6. If you must communicate by text or voice then buy a cheap mobile - do not give out your usual phone number.
7. Always use condoms - no exceptions.
8. Be aware that some scoundrels think it's a wheeze to video their sexploits and share them online. Keep your eye on where his phone is at all times and minimize any opportunity he might have for setting up a cam anywhere in the room.
9. Have fun but never lose sight of the fact you are in control of what you do and who you do it with.

Its like you've been on a diet for a long time. Now you can eat what you want. Steak will be on offer and why not indulge in a little. Doesnt mean you have to sit down with candles and all the trappings with every meal. Nothing wrong with grabbing a burger from time to time. But you might find that after a while what you fancy is a good old home cooked dinner. One that has a little more "emotion" attached to it and that might be what you'll have missed.

I do this. It has its ups and downs but the positives are absolutely great.

Positives: as he tells you a very slightly dull post coital anecdote, you are joyously thinking 'I never have to listen to this again'.

Likewise, you don't have to do any of the emotional labour. He shyly reveals a shit childhood or bout of flu - obviously you're pleasant but you don't have to Take It On and support him.

If you're bad at asking beloved partners for new stuff or stuff you really like in bed - it's much easier with a stranger. I've learned that most of what i thought I knew about sex was not true.

Negatives: you're still taking on more than he is. More risk in every dimension. Never forget that - protect yourself.

And to continue the food analogy - once you've experienced the joy of a whole row of amazing street food options, returning to shepherd's pie may not appeal. I don't know if that's positive or negative. Hey, we're in our 50s, right? We've done the sensible stuff to death.

I’m always amazed that people think using condoms makes it safe to have sex with some random.

There are so many diseases, like herpes, that can be contracted even when using condoms.....and so many people have them, sometimes not even realising it.

If it were me, I’d be scared to touch anything or worry about touching myself afterwards if I did.....very off putting....not sexy at all.

It is far better to have a safe, reliable FWB to have great sex when the urge takes you.

How people can use the likes of Tinder is completely beyond me, I find the very thought utterly disgusting.

Christian - I'd be worried about herpes as well, but wouldn't it be the same in any new relationship since you can't test for it easily?

OP - what does his spelling have to do with anything if you only want casual?

Gwen-risks are far higher with people who shag around, that makes a huge difference.

Christian - it depends on the STD from what I gather. Your risk of chlamydia or something is higher if you sleep around, but something like HPV is so ubiquitous that you're likely to get it even with a small number of partners all through your life.
I'm not sure about herpes, but I think it's relatively common and as you say condoms don't stop it and it can't be tested for unless there are obvious symptoms so I'd think any new partner is a risk for it.

OP,
Any dating site can be used to "hook up" with someone. As has been said, (assuming you are female!) you will be extreamly popular - but expect all sorts of responses to any profile you put up, including male genitalia. Fabswingers is possibly overkill, but at least all the people on there (including myself ) are open and honest about what they are looking for, as opposed to Tinder and the likes.

I always find it very amusing when things like this are discussed on here,,as in dating,and FWB stuff, and all to be done via dating sites it seems. In the oldie days,like the swinging sixties so to speak, we all never seemed to have any problems meeting people, as in FWB, as it was the norm to flit around and have fun with lots of men, and no phones or dating sites then of course.

I am currently looking into this as an option. My life is too full to allow for a partner and to be honest I don't want one. However I do have an "itch" I'd like to be able to scratch now and then. I tiptoed into "FabSwingers" and nearly ran straight back out again as was totally overwhelmed with pictures of dicks, people calling me "darling" and other strange things.

I would like something business-like. I want to be able to say - I am free next Saturday evening and would like to have fairly vanilla sex with someone who is clean, respectful and normal looking. I don't want to "sext" you first, I don't need your baggage and don't to share mine with you. I can only do next Saturday evening so don't bother asking me if I am free on a Wednesday morning. Don't send me a picture of your dick. I don't need to be called by a variety of weird terms of endearment! Let's just book it into the diary and then move on with our lives until Saturday.

Too direct?

Personally, I think if we were all more direct about wants/needs the world would be a happier place.