I think I’m gay

[lovedarkchocolate]

It’s crazy...I know!
I don’t know what else to say really. I’ve always been attracted to women but never gave much thought to it. I’ve always fantasised about being with a girl and would absolutely love to have the opportunity in this lifetime but I think it’s too late.
I’m married and have a little girl. Not sure how my husband would react to this thread :-/

There is a spectrum of sexuality and we are all somewhere on it. Try talking to your husband, you still love your husband I’m sure. Something you might not have thought about is that he might be OK with this, perhaps you could introduce another woman to your relationship? That would be a win-win, with everyone being happy.
Have fun with it, live your life!

There's a huge difference between a sexual fantasy with a woman and actively falling emotionally for one - trust me I'd know. You could find as often people do that it doesn't live up to the expectation in your head. That it is just fantasy.

Equally you could also find a new side to yourself that you always new was there and you've finally tapped into it.

I think it's definitely something you should discuss with your husband first as for now it's just a thought.

you have every right in my opinion to explore every aspect of what makes you who you are.

Good luck!

I would suggest keeping your own privacy with your own personal thoughts with regard to considering telling your husband. We are all entitled to private thought space. By the way, are you still attracted to him?

I would also suggest you ditch trying to give yourself a label. In my view, female sexuality can be very fluid. I was in my 30s before I fully appreciated that I was atracted to women as well as men and have been involved in friendships with both genders since.

Best wishes. x

So she shouldn’t be honest and open with her husband about how she feels?

Therein lies the road to ruin!

A typical ‘entitled’ view.

Re: Above.

I have no desire to get into an online debate.

We are all entitled to private thoughts. We are talking about thoughts not actions here. Show me someone who says that they never keeps any thoughts to themselves and I will show you a liar.

My relationship with my husband is going through a hard patch atm. Life after kids is definitely not the same.
But we are working on it. Everyone goes through this sometimes in their lifetime I guess.
Would you say that:
A woman will know the needs of another woman without being told?
A woman doesn’t have to be told how to be romantic... it’s on our blood?
A woman can anticipate?

I’ve always had this thought that I’d like to be with another woman but never done it. I live in the uk but was brought up in a country where this is not easily accepted.

In regards to sharing it with my husband...well when we first got married we talked about going to Amsterdam and going wild 😂. He kind of knows about my fantasies but doesn’t know how far I’d go.

Well that's a good start. You should definitely communicate with him.

In regards to a woman's knowledge in the bedroom I'll be totally honest with you, it's a little hit and miss in my experience. I dated a female for a year and she in my opinion wasn't great sexually. But now I realise that we didn't have the best connection to begin with.

Women are much softer, more careful lovers than men in my experience. They seem to take time whereas (some) men seem to rush for their own needs instead of focusing on the woman. The difference between sleeping with a man and a woman is pretty huge. Women rarely need rest and it doesn't take half as long to recharge... if you know what I mean.

I think what I'm trying to say is both sex with men and women is entirely different and great in their own way. There are definitely certain things you can only get from the other gender. Take it from a very out and proud bisexual female.

Whatever you decide to do or not do, approach the situation honestly. It'll save you any drama later down the line and who knows, you may well figure out a way to surprise each other.

I hope this helps
R

OP, I was married to a man for 11 years. I left him, for this and other reasons 6 years ago. I was never really into men, have never found them attractive and was never romantically or sexually attracted to them. Let’s just say I did compulsory heterosexuality.

Anyway after 10 years of marriage and with a 4 year old child it all became too much. I’d managed to live a lie, if unhappily, but I couldn’t continue so I sorted my very complicated situation and left. There were other reasons as I’ve said, but this just gave me the push I needed.

Anyway, enough about where I’m coming from. What do you want? If there were no complicating factors and you could just do exactly as you pleased, what would you do?

As to whether you are a lesbian or not, well that can wait, but you need to consider whether you were ever attracted to men at all, and I mean properly attracted, not just wishing hard enough. You might be a lesbian or you might be bi, but that might take some time for you to figure out.

I don’t think talking to your DH at this point is helpful. He’ll either be upset and it’ll cause problems, when you really should be taking the time to sort out your own thoughts; he’ll see it as a chance to fuck two women at the same time; or he’ll just laugh at you and make you feel even more confused and shit.

I think you need to think about what is is that you actually want. If you do genuinely believe that a relationship with a man is not right for you then it’s not impossible to extricate yourself. I managed it and I had a 5 year old DC, I have a severe disability so I can’t work and no money. It was hard but I did it and I’ve never looked back.

Can I advise you against threesoms. They’re tacky, they’re nothing like what sex between two women are like and it’s just degrading. If you do genuinely believe you’re a lesbian then you’ll hate yourself for it.

Also, one last thing, if you ever do leave and come out, don’t be afraid of the word lesbian. It’s not icky, it’s powerful and a source of pride. Gay is a word for homosexual men, nothing labelled gay is for lesbians and gay men on the whole do not care much for us.

I'm in a similar boat. Wouldn't tell my DH because it's too scary tbh. That genie won't go back in the bottle. I've known since a child, but buried it/pretended to fancy guys. It feels worse when we're going through a rough patch. Things are good at the mo, but it's always there as a niggle. Makes me sad that I'm not my true self as well, but also think of the impact on my DH and DC. Tricky situation.

Me too. I have no idea what to do.

It’s really worth knowing what the fantasy is. Is sex but nothing else? Or is romance, sex, cups of tea in the morning, seeking affection?

There is your answer - the second one is absolutely life changing. The first is on the spectrum of “wow that’s hot” and might be a scratch you feel you have to itch. Both are valid but sort out which you are before making any decisions or talking with your husband. He isn’t your keeper and if you do have these feelings, it is going to be your decision to act on them.