Advice needed!

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Ok so long story short - iv never really liked sex and would normally do anything 2 avoid it (which is difficult in a relationship) but I think the reasoning behind this is that i have always hated my body. Anytime I am with a man i am so awkward and self conscious and I have never just enjoyed the moment - my head is somewhere else thinking ' God i hope he doesn't touch this wobbly bit or see me from that angle'. Every guy I have been with has been lovely and always wanted to ensure I was having a good time so in order to get things over with quickly and not prolong a situation I'm so uncomfortable in - I have spent my whole life faking it!

I'm in my early 30s and divorced now with 1 DC. Although Iv not been out on any dates or anything since being single, I'm thinking it might be time to venture out as I'm still young and not sure I want 2 spend rest of my life on my own. Since being single I have been spending a lot of time at the gym and given my image a bit of an overhaul - for the 1st time ever I feel not too bad about myself. However the idea of being naked with a man still terrifies me.

I have heard my girlfriends talk about their sex lives and how much they enjoy it. I'm starting to feel like there is a whole part of my life iv been missing out on. I am now in a place where i actually want to spend a night underneath a man and enjoy it for real - without faking it! But I honestly dont know how to overcome this. Any ideas, tips or advice on how to overcome this? Also should I tell a new partner when the time comes that I have never had the big O with a man, or will that put him right off??

Help!! Any advice appreciated x

You need some sexual liberation, stat!

Check out the book Come As You Are, or the website OMGYes (you have to pay for the content but IME worth it for the liberating aspect alone, let alone the actual sex tips - seeing women of all ages, shapes and sizes speaking openly about their sexuality is empowering in itself). For your situation I would doubly recommend the latter.

Figure out what you enjoy, independent of a partner, if you’re not already sure (the things above will help immensely with that - I’ve discovered new ways to orgasm with DH and alone that I’ve never tried before and I thought I’d tried it all). Being confident in what you like and want from sex is huge in terms of feeling good with a partner and any man worth his salt should find this extremely sexy too.

I have a lot of body confidence issues after having kids (well, I’ve always had them but now they’re worse!). A few things have really helped:

• a partner who genuinely finds my body very attractive just as it is (god knows why, but he does)
• getting bras that fit properly - I was wearing the wrong size by multiple cup sizes and band sizes and I look very different in the right size bra!
• doing what I can to look my best (good hair cut, eyebrows tidied up, taking care of my skin etc)
• finding sex clothes that emphasise the good bits and de-emphasise the bad (I hate my stomach so lacy bodies / baby dolls / mini dresses from somewhere like LoveHoney gave me the confidence to get back into the swing of things. Now I’m perfectly happy being very naked, in broad daylight without hiding under the duvet!

I know it’s difficult when you lack self confidence but it’s absolutely awful and so sad that it’s prevented you from ever having good or even enjoyable sex. I really wouldn’t focus on the orgasm, they’ll come when you’re comfortable and confident.

It’s a pity you ever felt to fake it but we are where we are.

Not climaxing from penetration is not unusual. Can you give yourself an orgasm? If so, ask to be held by the right person when the time is right. Enjoy the sharing.

Can you climax from oral? That is what men have tongues for?

Take your time, re-discover your own body and enjoy life’s next phase

@emptyorchestra thank u so much for the advice!! I will definately check these out. I'm glad I'm not alone in the confidence area.

@starlightlady well after a whole I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me and maybe I just couldn't. So gave it a try myself and had a successful outcome 🤣 so nothing physically wrong, just need 2 relax and get my mind in the right place instead of constantly worrying about what's going on and if hes horrified by my nakedness!