Asking for suggestions

[Backoutthere]

Without giving myself away by saying too much info - Seeing someone who struggles with less sensation and will occasionally lose erection. I'm guessing that the two are linked and there maybe some kind of worry re the loss of the erection / performing on his part. It's not a big deal for me at all as I am really into him and he always makes sure I am satisfied. BUT I really want to reciprocate - help him relax & have a really good time.

Last time I didn't make a big deal, went back to foreplay with lots of kissing etc & he took care of himself. Is this the best way to proceed to help him relax or is there something else I should be doing/saying? Anyone have any tips?

Yes, something that may have started with a physical issue can then become a mental blocker. Do as you are, go back to foreplay and build up to hand or tongue/mouth and if he still doesn’t get firm enough for PIV finish him off with hand, tongue or mouth, he will still enjoy the climax. Don’t make an issue of it and hopefully it will take care of itself. Good luck.

Could be "stage fright" with a new partner ? How about suggesting viagra (generic version) ? A GP will prescribe if a patient is experiencing erectile disfunction, perhaps some confidence is all that's missing and some medication would help in the short term.

Are you using Condoms?

They are a big problem in killing sensation and feeling.

I find being aroused is a mental thing. If I feel out of my comfort zone and have condom on its game over. Feeling really comfortable and been able to feel and enjoy the sensation opens up hours of fun.

Thanks all for your replies.

I'm not sure if it's stage fright as such...I always try to make it as fun/relaxed as possible as that's what I prefer!

I think it could be that he is trying to slow things down, gets distracted and loses it...?

Funny about the condoms as we have done both with and without and always seems better without (me too!! We have been tested too btw).

Anyway...I am happy to take my time so he feels happy and confidence comes back, if that's the issue. I won't bring it up and will keep going as I am I think, hopefully that will help?

I think what you are doing is perfect.

I found coming out of a long term relationship and getting a sex life again has been a learning curve, which hasn't stopped yet.

Yes @tonglong, completely understand you on that point!

I am very happy to be enjoying myself again, a lot of nerves and worrying I'm doing the right things...but just going to trust my gut and go with it!

x

Has he been single long? A lot of porn use?

It could be stage fright, but my brain usually goes straight to this on these posts after being with a serious porn addict, and a few other men who used a lot of porn. Might not be related to that at all, but excessive porn use with masturbation can cause loss of sensation and difficulty maintaining an erection in sexual situations.

I’d be trying to have a gentle chat about it, and go carefully if porn may be a factor - that one relationship absolutely wrecked my self esteem, self-worth and ended up getting very unpleasant and damaging.