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Return of sex drive but struggling with the physical effects of lots of sex - anyone else?

7 replies

EmptyOrchestra · 28/04/2019 07:52

So due to illness and meds that have disrupted my hormone levels for years and years, DH and I have barely had sex in many years - there have been a few spells where my sex drive has come back, and it’s so full on and intense, and then usually it goes again. I have no control over it, I have no idea when it’s going to stop and start, it’s very difficult for both of us, and means we both want to make the most of things when we can.

It’s been back a few days and we’ve had a lot of sex. Generally sessions go on for a few hours (not all PIV obviously). My body just can’t take it. Natural lubrication is not an issue when I’m like this but it doesn’t seem as effective as it used to be. We are using lubricant but I seem to react badly to them whatever I try which exacerbates things.

The problem is, when my sex drive first comes back, it’s really full on. The sensible thing to do would be to have a few days off but that’s difficult to do when you’re both desperate for it and you know that any day now it might go away and stay gone (it’s been a year since it last came back). We say that we will just take it easy and go gently, no PIV etc and then before I know it we are getting carried away and things are getting a bit... aggressive Blush

The other issue is that DH is very well endowed and I am very small, so my vagina takes a proper battering whatever happens. Right now it feels like ive been scrubbed with a scourer - last night I couldn’t manage PIV at all, it was just too sore.

Is there anyone else who has this all or nothing issue, and if so how do you stop things from getting too sore after a full on few days?

I know the answer is to have some bloody self control like grown ups, but that’s a bit tricky under the circumstances!

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 28/04/2019 08:03

Gently does it. Less pounding. Lessen the pace of the sex not lessen the sex.

EmptyOrchestra · 28/04/2019 08:14

It’s not even pounding that’s the issue (although despite best efforts we do tend to just get carried away), just friction I think. I need to find a lubricant that doesn’t make me feel like I have thrush the next day, they’re all awful IME. Coconut oil is a no due to allergies. Ugh.

OP posts:
slingthegin · 28/04/2019 19:11

Same here OP.

For me its a peri thing and this has increased my sex drive so it's a double edged sword as I'm permanently up for it. The delicate vulval tissues aren't as padded (reduced oestrogen) so more prone to trauma, thrush, etc etc.

Grinding is the worst so we've been trying to change position often to avoid friction and have nights off (I appreciate that's not what you want to hear). It's even affecting oral as DH has a beard which irritates the area too. Confused

I tried local oestrogen but it caused more harm than good. Might work for you if yours could also be peri related? You'd need to see your GP.

Signoftimes · 28/04/2019 19:25

Try coconut oil

Signoftimes · 28/04/2019 19:26

Apologies, ignore that, just read last part of your post

EmptyOrchestra · 28/04/2019 20:20

Thanks sling - essentially I had to take a medication years ago for endometriosis that induces menopause temporarily and even though I’ve been off it a few years my hormones have never fully returned to normal. I’ve seen a few women saying they’ve experienced a similar thing but doctors aren’t interested at all. Definitely not menopausal as most hormone levels are fine but my oestrogen is right at the bottom of normal range or below depending where I am in my cycle. I’m sure this is a factor. I will definitely need to take some days off but I don’t want to!

Does anyone know, are there any lubes out there that are closer to your body’s natural lubricant? Most of them leave me really sore or with what feels like bits of glue shedding out of me afterwards which is horrid.

Having no sex drive sucks, but having a crazy sex drive but your body not being up to it really sucks too!

OP posts:
GothyGeisha · 28/04/2019 20:33

Try Yes OB lube, I alsolike Pjur. I had Prostap injections that sent me into immediate chemical menopause, then had ovaries removed.

I recently asked my Dr and she prescribed Vagifem pessaries, life changing, as I can't take normal HRT.

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