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Won't kiss after oral

27 replies

freddiemercury · 17/04/2019 01:57

Sooooo....I gave hubby a blow job tonight..... and afterwards he wouldn't kiss me. He never will... but this evening I asked why and he just sort of shuddered. It's not a deal breaker.... but I find it weird. How is he fine with me having his cock in my mouth and cumming and thinking it isn't ok for him to taste the aftermath???!! He can't/wont explain... can anyone else. This has been the case for 20.years.... used to find it amusing....and laugh while trying to kiss him. I no longer do.... not sure why!!

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StarlightLady · 17/04/2019 04:37

It sounds as if he’s frightened of the taste of himself. I’ve never come across this with anyone myself. I’m also comfortable kissing someone after they have gone down on me.

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Namechangedyorkshire · 17/04/2019 06:28

surely he cant expect you to do that and swallow without sharing a little if thats what you like? you need to tell him otherwise it may stop lol

My DH has always been ok so not had the issue but he did recently go down on me after he had come...that was mindblowing

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ConfusedDH · 17/04/2019 08:11

My DW was never able to make me cum from oral but if she had, I wouldn't want to kiss her straight afterwards, not without her taking a drink of water etc, but that's just me.

If that made her stop giving oral in protest, so be it, but that attitude would point to deeper problems. Nobody should do something they're not comfortable with.

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Christian77 · 17/04/2019 21:07

We should not do anything we’re uncomfortable with and, more importantly, we should not pressurise others into doing things they don’t like. So rather than complaining, why not just stop giving him BJs? I’m sure they can’t be great anyway, given your earlier comments.

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Howlingatthesun · 17/04/2019 21:37

No way in a million years would my ex wife let me kiss her or otherwise go anywhere near her face after i gave her oral. I cant relate to your problem as i never ever got to finish when she gave me oral.

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SkinnyPete · 17/04/2019 22:33

Everyone is different.

Ex wouldn't entertain even a peck after giving her oral. Gf literally snogs my face off. Ex loved to swallow, gf doesn't.

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Ti0101001001100101d · 18/04/2019 00:45

Seems rude to me. It's coming out of him, he doesn't get to be disgusted by you/your mouth now because of what he did in there !
Don't let him finish anywhere near you for a while.

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Christian77 · 18/04/2019 07:44

The only rude thing here is coercing a person into doing something they don’t want to do.

Isn’t it interesting how this guy’s standpoint needs, according to some on here, to be punished in some way?

He, like me and you, likes what he likes; if his wife doesn’t like giving BJs, she shouldn’t. Plain and simple.

I cringe when I read about sex lives of others and wonder how they ever got together and, even more, how they manage to stay together.

Grow up and move on to something better, more fulfilling.

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freddiemercury · 18/04/2019 11:46

christian what comment leads you to believe my blow jobs aren't great?? My husband thoroughly enjoys them and cums in my mouth....
The trying to kiss him afterwards is/was playful....an "in" joke if you like.
I accept we all like different things... and expressly said it wasn't a deal breaker.. I just find it odd that he's quite happy spurting in my mouth and clearly doesn't think it will bring me any harm... so why quite so squeamish about even a peck on the lips?? It is curiosity... no coercion.. no nothing.
And if you cringe reading about other peoples sex lives I'm surprised you're here

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Ti0101001001100101d · 18/04/2019 13:50

Christian77 of course coercing someone into doing something they don't want is bad.
But so is someone feeling a bit uncomfortable with how you respond to them during sex, enough that they come here to ask about it, even if it's not the end of the world for OP.

Plus the reason he doesn't want it, it seems from what info we have here, is because he thinks it's gross / he's squeamish about it. Why does he think that.
I think that its rude and disrespectful, to have someone deal with something that you don't like, because it benefits you. And then for you to find them a bit off putting in that moment.
Clearly OP isn't super happy with it anyway. Though as she's said it's not a deal breaker.
If hes loving and respectful in all other aspects of their relationship and shes happy to deal with this then that's fine.
If she decides it puts her off giving BJs for a bit because of how he acts, I think that's reasonable.

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Christian77 · 18/04/2019 17:12

The guy doesn’t like it.

The reason doesn’t matter at all.

Accept it.

He’s not rude or disrespectful in any way, assuming of course his partner happily gives BJs.

I’m very much on this guy’s side in this matter, and I can imagine most guys would feel just the same.

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Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 18/04/2019 19:42

I'd be happy just to get some oral in the first place.

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freddiemercury · 18/04/2019 19:58

That's fine to be on his side.... but why????? That's the whole reason I asked the question. The best analogy I can come up.with is if i cooked something....burnt it ...expected him to eat it because he's previously enjoyed burnt food.... but refused to go near it myself.....not even allowed it near me.... !! If he told me not to swallow because it was grim.... then fine. But it's absolutely great for me to guzzle it down... and yet he acts like it is poison for him... I simply don't understand!!

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Ti0101001001100101d · 18/04/2019 20:35

Christian I feel like you've got in a bit hard on this, no one's asking for anyone's side,
OP wants a discussion to help her understand her OH.
Relationships are about communication and working together etc etc. They involve two (or more in some cases) people. So he can say no, but equally she has a right to respond to that - by asking why, or by not doing it anymore if it's making her uncomfortable.

OP have you asked why? Or told him that analogy?

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freddiemercury · 18/04/2019 22:16

Ti... yes I've asked and he refuses to discuss. But it really is joky... and he does struggle to talk about sex. We have been together for 22 years... sex is regular and good but rarely discussed. Old fashioned??? I will ask.if something feels good and he will say yes or no... but no more than that. Truly tho I enjoy our sex life... its regular and good. But bit but...I do want insight into my original question!!! But maybe it is as simple as we all like different things and I have to accept there is no "rational" reason and it is just he has an aversion to his own bodily fluids....

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JAPAB · 18/04/2019 22:27

Where do you draw the line? If a man is happy for a woman to take his penis in her mouth it therefore follows that he ought to be fine with taking a penis in his own mouth?

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ConfusedDH · 18/04/2019 22:56

@JAPAB. I agree, he might find it feels in some way wrong - to him.

Ultimately, if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to and that should be that.

If my DW was ever able to make me cum from oral, I'd not want to kiss her directly after either.

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Isadora2007 · 19/04/2019 01:06

I think it can be weird for a heterosexual man to understand the attraction of a penis in the mouth and the default sperm taste being something that would turn them off- even their own. Could be some part of them is a little scared of feeling any thing even remotely homo-erotic? I know my husband often asks me why I enjoy going down on him, why I’d want to put it in my mouth etc... in a genuine, but why? manner.

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xpc316e · 19/04/2019 17:05

I reckon this is probably a bit like children who say they don't like sprouts and then say they have never tried them.

I think it is a bit rich to expect you to be OK with having a mouthful of his cum, but to draw the line at kissing you. On the rare occasions when I get to ejaculate in a woman's mouth I always go in for a real passionate, tongue-wrestling kiss. Every time I have done this with a new partner they have considered it to be very erotic.

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ConfusedDH · 19/04/2019 17:29

Has he got to give a reason why?

If a woman said she didn't want to kiss me straight after I had been down on her, that's fine - it's not offensive or rude, just respecting her wishes and preferences. Quick wipe round the mouth and a sip of water and crack on, or am I over simplifying it?

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John470322 · 19/04/2019 21:03

MY wife usually kisses me after oral saying that I need to enjoy the taste of myself as well as her. I've never even considered saying no.

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Christian77 · 20/04/2019 06:40

He doesn’t like it, that’s his choice.
You give him a BJ and swallow all, that’s your choice. These are independent choices, nothing to do with rudeness or lack of respect either way.

For what it’s worth, I’d love to be able to give myself a BJ, I’d be the best ever!!!!!

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HeavensNoHellYeah · 21/04/2019 16:30

Christian is right that he doesn't have to give a reason but I would find it baffling too. I've never come across this. My boyfriend and I lick each other all over covered in each other's erm, fluids. Others haven't been quite as enthusiastic as that but it's genuinely never been brought up.

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Bgrt73 · 21/04/2019 21:35

Have come pardon the pun across this a few times. Cum isn't the most enjoyable stuff to swallow. If a guy likes me to swallow I find it a real turnoff if he doesn't like his own taste to that extreme.

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Studentnurse1981 · 22/04/2019 22:20

I see his point. NO WAY WOULD I EVER KISS AFTER ORAL . No way do I wanna taste myself

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