New relationship - sex

[PTBarnum]

I started a new relationship a few weeks ago, we had sex for the first time yesterday. He didn’t get fully hard and didn’t come when we had sex so now I’m paranoid that I was really bad and he didn’t enjoy it.

We spent quite a while in bed, he made me come a few times from touching and having sex from behind. He was inside me about 3 times, 2 from behind and 1 missionary, I gave him oral too but he still didn’t come.

Is this really unusual? Am I awful at sex?! We’re both 24, he’s quite overweight and smokes so I don’t know if this would affect things? Or angles weren’t quite right for him because I’m quite short (height wise). Do I talk to him about it or just leave it to see what it’s like next time?

Could it have been nerves? Especially if it was for the first time with each other?

If you want to ask him you could say something like I had a great time, is there anything I can do next time to ensure you have just a great a time?

I am struggling with knowing whether I have done a "good enough" job recently too due to lack of communication afterwards. - so you are totally not alone!

His weight and smoking will not help, but many men suffer from performance anxiety for the first few times with a new partner. It has certainly been the case for me. I'd give it a while to see whether he relaxes and is able to orgasm. If he cannot, then it is time to open up a dialogue in order to find the cause(s), as being in one's mid twenties with sexual function issues isn't going to be a lot of fun.

One important thing to accept is that you are not the problem.

Thank you both for the replies, yes it was the first time with each other.

He said he was feeling close but just couldn’t come so maybe it was because he wasn’t relaxed enough. I’ll ask what he likes and see how it is next time.

100% nerves.

Sounds like nerves and performance anxiety. Weight and smoking isn't good, but more likely to impact him when a little older.

I would have thought at 24 he would have been "raring" to go 😉

Me too MarieG10 that’s why I’m worried it might be me

I really doubt it is you. He clearly wanted to have sex and he didn't make it. He needs to relax so do t pressure him over it...perhaps try massage and touching more

I’ve had stage fright a few times, bear with.

I’m a lot older than you and I’ve been there several times on a first occasion.

It is not you, it is his worrying.

The penis is not a reliable mechanism! Just relax, don’t make him feel that he is duty bound to perform, plenty of oral (both ways) and it’ll all come good (pun intended) in the end.

Thanks everyone, will see how it goes next time, hopefully he'll be more relaxed. I haven't said anything to him about it and won't do so don't think he'd be feeling pressured about it. He asked me if I'd enjoyed it and I said I did (which I did ) so maybe he'd feel better about that for next time.