New relationship sex advice

[CherryTreeLane]

Hi, I’ve recently come out of a long term relationship so haven’t had sex with someone new for 15 years. There’s a man who I have been flirting with for a while and I suspect that we might get together soon. I’m looking for a long term relationship with this guy, for context.

So what can I expect for the first time? What’s the sex etiquette these days? My ex used to go down on me first, make me come then have penetrative sex with me until he came. Is that standard or do guys prefer to save that for when she’s your ‘girlfriend’?

I’m not nervous as such, just wondering what to expect.

In case it’s relevant, he’s in the same position as me, recent split from a long term partner.

I don't think there are any rules and shouldn't be any expectations, as we're all individuals and have different wants, needs, desires and experiences.

He may not like giving oral for example so I'd not put too much effort into pre-planning as it could set you up for disappointment.

I'd just go with the flow and see what happens and relax.

IME it's a bit funny when you've both been in a LTR for ages previously. The first one I dated, we both leisurely trotted off to brush our teeth and have a wee before we went to bed, even on the first time which tbh I rather liked. It was nowhere near as nerve wrecking as I thought it might be.

I'd say most men do expect to go down (I'm not a huge fan) and do take your own condoms as they may not have thought about it, as many people use other methods in a LTR.

And remember that he already likes you, presumably he knows what you look like already so try to to fret too much that you aren't Kate Moss under your clothes (I struggle with this myself!)

And enjoy.

NB manscaping seems to have become a thing while I was off the market so you might find things are different

Thanks everyone. I know he’s not manscaped from conversations we have had!

Sex with your ex sounds formulaic but also very much like you were passive and everything was done to you: he went down on me, make me come, have penetrative sex with me until he came’
Nice that he made you come by going down on you but how about you take some of the power back in this new relationship? Take some control and you decide what the sex etiquette is?
Unless of course you prefer to be done to, in which case, crack on!

I like the idea of taking a bit of control. I guess it’s because I wasn’t massively into it before. This new guy - I want to seduce him and devour him!!

It sounds time to me to make sure you have condoms in your bedside drawer. Knickers off and get on with it. . Enjoy!