How to initiate after a long (for us) sex break

[NameChangeAgainForThisOne]

Fairly regular poster but name changed for this one.

To cut a long story short. I’m the wife and I’ve got a husband. We’ve been together for 15 years and have 2 young children. We also both work jobs with irregular hours. One of us was made redundant recently, and than other is at risk for redundancy very soon.

As a result this has took a massive knock on our sex life and I realised today it’s been 4 months since we did anything other than have a kiss or cuddle and I’m climbing the walls. Desperate for some sex but really worried I’ll come across as some sex pest etc. We used to just kiss and cuddle and it would progress but all that’s happened recently when we have a kiss or cuddle is sleep.

If you’d have said when we first got together we’d go 4 months without sex I’d have laughed but I’m seriously upset about the lack of intimacy and closeness. You’d think by 32 I’d have an idea on how to make this better but we’ve never been good at talking about sex.

Have you tried talking about it yet? I'd say that's the first port of call. Assuming it's possible, and it should be.

He probably feels the same way. I've been in this situation and it's tough.

Next time you're in bed, cuddle him and kiss his neck. Every person on earth likes having their neck kissed.

If he shrugs it off...he's not ready and you need to be brave and talk about it. But at least he'll be able to do it without awkward conversation or eye contact.

If he's into it...you're going to be brave and escalate down his body and give him some oral. Let him finish that way. All you're doing is showing him that you're available and interested. You're breaking the ice.

Agree with the above, but mention it has been too long. You kiss, you cuddle, you are half way there!

skinnypete yep we have. He’s said he’s really stressed and just not in the mood. Which I understand to an extent but when we first got together he had lost his job then and didn’t loose his libido.

textbook actually tried this last night. He shrugged me off and said “not tonight” and then went to sleep. But I got a message from him today saying “looking forward to this evening, mum said she will have the kids overnight”...now I’m all anxious and hope it goes well and that it’s not a massive let down

Would love an update!

I absolutely detest having my neck kissed! Though I realise this is totally not the point of this thread

textbook nothing more to report. Other than more cuddling, kissing and a bit of touching. Hoping over the next week or so we can build back up to it again

Don't do what I did and just come out with it and ask - I tired this last night after almost giving up hope of her instigating and just got a look of horror in return. Another nail...

I think you need to think about setting out an ultimatum @confuseddh and then follow up on it if there's no response.

@Skinny - that's a lose/lose situation though.

In one scenario I end up splitting up my family and being away from my beloved children. Not to mention the financials we couldn't afford (distant secondary consideration)

In the other scenario I end up having sex with someone who doesn't''t really want to breeding resentment on both sides.

Hence its a tricky dilemma, hence we've started counselling.

Well good luck with the counselling.

You only get one life though. If you did move on, you would sort out the financials, albeit it would be different and your kids would still love you, although you wouldn't see them 100% the time.

And you get away from the resentment and self esteem crushing situation you're in now. Then maybe meet someone that can fulfil your needs and enjoy a loving intimate relationship.