Sex toy question

[Bt45]

Sex can still be good for my wife and I but with different sexual appetites it isn’t as often as I would like. I understand we are both different so don’t want to pressurise her so go with the flow.
As she doesn’t tend to initiate , I need to be in tune to know when to as don’t want to get it wrong too often and come across as pressurising.
We are close, talk often and very much love each other.

So here is my question..

I am aware that she on occasion would use her sex toy in the mornings when she has the house to herself. On these days is she likely to be more or less receptive to me initiating sex? All other things being equal that is

My question would be that on those mornings, why isn't she initiating sex with you before you leave the house?

Nothing wrong with masturbation with or without sex toys as a private individual activity, but when there is an imbalance of sexual appetite in the relationship and the one with the lower libido is masturbating, that tells me there is a problem somewhere.

I more or less agree with the above. Fair enough if she wants some me time or a quick fix or has the urge when you are not there.

But if she wants to do it rather than initiate with you then thats a bit off.

It really depends though how often it happens

“Me Time” and partner sex are very different and a healthy woman has needs for both.

Partner sex requires energy and the considerations of another, as well as being rather wide awake, with a vibey and going solo, it’s unashamed selfish pleasure (NB: I am not saying the woman is being selfish in the literal sence of the word!).

I would worry less about who instigates sex. All roads lead to Rome so to speak.

You say you talk often, so why not discuss? Don’t make it look as you see anything negative in her solo times though.

Maybe, add a little variety, oral only sessions can be special, perhaps as a lunchtime aperitif on a day off.

Have you considered, or do you use toys together?

I'm with StarlightLady on this one; sex with a partner and masturbation are similar, but nevertheless different things. If I answer from my perspective, then yes I am generally more interested in partner sex on a day that I masturbate, but I certainly wouldn't assume that it was the same for anyone else on this planet.

Is there not an argument that masturbating satisfies sexual urges and frustrations that then leaves that person less hungry for sex with their partner, which where there is already an imbalance might not be helpful for that situation?

Hi , really excellent reply’s thank you all.
I leave the house for work very early so not there for when she wakes up.
I have no problem at all with what she does on her own time I was just interested to know if this may be a little indicator of when I should instigate sex or not.
I have used toys with her before and occasionally this has been good but mostly she is a little too self conscious for me to use them with her. I am fine with this, when we do make love it is usually great and satisfying for both of us.

ConfusedOH’s last question is spit on that is what I am wondering too - but not that I think she is wrong for doing that , more that if I should instigate sex of not on those evenings ..

Personally I would say it suggests she's horny and would be up for sex. In my experience women aren't like men in that once we've come we are satisfied and spent....most times it makes me want more in fact!

My DW and I have very different sex drives which is causing serious issues in the relationship. If I discovered she was masturbating rather than seeking sex with me whilst also rejecting me, I'd be sad and disappointed.

I'd rather masturbate than have sex with my DH and I reject his advances. Sex with him has always been disappointing and not enjoyable. Why would I seek it?

@Honey

Are you trying to address this situation, as it doesn't sound like a happy place for either of you and not long term sustainable?

I'm having an affair.

Thank you all for helpful replies and different perspectives.
So in summary it seems that on balance she is more likely to be open to my advances on an evening where she have used her toy earlier that day.
Although I do note the suggestion that the fact she uses the toy at all might point to my performance and ability to satisfy her.
Much appreciated