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Strange crushes

3 replies

ExtraPineappleExtraHam · 16/03/2019 09:59

Ok so I've dabbled a bit in both genders. When I was a teen I did the usual experimenting with girls at sleepovers but I used to get attached to some. I'd sort of want one of these drunken fumbles to turn into a relationship but they always insisted that they only liked guys. I also had crushes on guys, and had sex with guys but I didn't feel that intimacy.
In my twenties I got into relationships with men, met my partner and then settled down. I still had crushes on men and women but I was faithful and generally quite happy. We had children and have bought a house.
Since the children I haven't really paid much attention to other men. Yet I've had two quite intense crushes on women.
One was a woman at my son's nursery. I found that I started hoping she was there, maybe making a bit more effort with my appearance, feeling that heart beating fast feeling when I bumped into her.
The second is a woman I now work with. I get so blustered and embarrassed around her I can't talk, I can't function. I had to take her photo in my office yesterday and it was the most intense feeling I've felt for a while. The strange thing is that both of these women are very similar, both clearly lesbians, short hair, alternative, slim and athletic.
There's a few things I've been considering. Do I fancy these women because there's a possibility (slim given the baby weight and awkwardness) that they might like me back whilst fancying straight women is actually pretty pointless? Is it that I subconsciously feel that fancying another man is cheating but this is ok in some strange way? Is it that it's something that however much I love my partner, he will never be able to provide? Is it just as simple as I fancy both genders and the two last crushes just happen to be women?
Just to add, I will never act on these whilst in a relationship.

OP posts:
xpc316e · 16/03/2019 18:51

Many years ago if asked, I'd have said that we were all either hetero, bi, or homosexual. I'd have said that your sexuality was what it was and that it wasn't going to change.

These days, I am a lot older and a little bit wiser. If you are heterosexual, you don't fancy all people of the opposite sex, just the ones who appeal to you. So, it is the people who attract us and not the kind of genitals they possess. In my opinion, it is the person who attracts us. I guess that I am in some way saying that we are somewhat pan-sexual.

It is my experience that our sexuality is not set in stone; it can change, and it can change in a very short time frame, possibly on a daily basis. That being the case, I don't think there is anything weird in your having crushes on women of any description. You are simply attracted by people and that is normal.

What you do about your crushes is another matter entirely...

StarlightLady · 17/03/2019 06:16

I would think that the respone above is fairly accurate. On a personal level, having got to my 40s, I don’t subscribe to labels, l merely see myself as “sexual”; no prefix required.

But this us about you. I think female sexuality can be very fluid and not a “one size fits life” type set up.

People in relationships fancy others and some people fancy others across a wider spectrum. As the poster above says though, whether there is a next stage is a seperate more complex issue.

GonzoFlyingProducts · 19/03/2019 00:51

Where you're at is clearly not where you going to find long term happiness. Your posting here tells you that.
Get your lippy on, go flirting, see what happens - life is short.

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