Is sex that bad with me?!

[lovely36]

When we first met sex was good. Although I quickly noticed he had a very hard time finishing. It was my first time ever being with someone with that problem. He has excessive foreskin so he blames that?! Then a few months into the relationship he had a problem staying hard. By then i was pregnant with our son. While pregnant we hardly had sex. We've been married two years and I'm only 27!! He's only 26! And we don't have sex. And by don't I mean we have sex once every 2/3 months. He doesn't even try. I've just given up. I know he watches porn. He works from home so he's not cheating. Although I've though could he be using some weird webcam thing?! We're literally together 24/7 as I work from home too. Why doesn't he try to have sex with me? Today I was thinking about it and though maybe sex with me is just so bad he prefers to not have any at all?? Maybe he sees me so much he's not attracted to me anymore? Wow makes me feel like crap. I don't get it. I've had other partners in the past and it was never an issue. They always wanted sex!! I'm young and I stay in shape, I'm a pretty girl. So why doesn't my husband try to have sex me with??! I don't understand. It's been almost 3 months. Any ideas? Be brutally honest please. I just want to hear an outside perspective. Feeling pretty shitty at the moment.

Unfortunately no one on here has the answer for you but I doubt it this is anything to do with you. He may have an issue with feeling sexual towards you now you are a mother (some men have a weird thing about it). I think if you want your marriage to continue you need to either have a full and frank discussion with him about what's going on or tell him that you both need to see a counsellor to discuss these issues as you're not happy with the status quo.

I agree with Red. He blames excessive foreskin. I'm not sure that would be the reason, however if so then why doesn't he make an appointment with his GP. My DH was circumcised last year and I must admit I really like not only the look as well as feel. He was sore for a bit but nothing awful. However I think this is at best not the only reason and you need to talk to him and understand better.

In any event, frequency of sex like this won't help your relationship.

You need to sit down and have a really honest talk.

You seem to have moved very fast, getting pregnant etc, without really knowing this guy that well.
You have mismatched real sex drives, he’s probably an internet wanker. You can’t continue like this, there is nothing more demoralising than this kind of relationship. The child takes priority though.

My take is he has a really low libido. He has a lot of trouble getting aroused with any distractions. Having sex with a real person is distracting. That sounds messed up I know but seems fairly common for men with low libido. How long does it take him to climax when wanking? If he has problems with libido, then its going to take a long time and a lot of concentration and the finish will be barely satisfactory. The thing is, if he seriously wanted to do something about this he would be talking with you about it already. It sounds like he just doesn't care, which is bad news.

and @DH Namechangedyorkshire
I doubt excessive foreskin is a factor here. Even if it were, I would recommend against circumcision unless absolutely necessary. Your husband found the results okay. However there are many men who find it reduces sensation and pleasure. If that's the case, then they are out of luck because of cause the operation is completely irreversible.

Having same problem with mine. Its caused many arguments. Me accusing him of not fancying me then i accuse him of only being with me so he has somewhere to stay hence the lack of sex..he tells me its because he is tired and because i nag him
Ive given an ultimatum..either its once a week or he leaves
I told him we behave more like flat mates than a couple and if i wanted a sexless life i would have become a nun. I got more sex when i was single ffs
He too finds it hard to finish
When we do have sex its because ive badgered him and he does it to avoid an argument although today for the first time in ages he bent me over. I didnt orgasm though. He says im obsessed with sex even though i put up with only having ot once a month hence the ultimatum
If he has a low libido it could be a medical hormonal issue and he can get some bloods done at the GP . Same if they are always tired or unfit
Is he at home all day and all night? That can't help..he needs go to the gym or get active somehow so his body is not overtired and bored all day indoors
Sometimes men who watch internet porn have an unrealistic idea of sex and find it difficult doing it in real life.. if this is so he needs to get off the internet and possibly see a counsellor
Again as someone mentioned some men go off sex when their partner is pregnant..but you really need to discuss why with him and explore the reasons
Its not fair on you but maybe you can compromise..its not just about him. He married you and everything that comes with it inc sex

I avoid having sex with my wife as it is boring. She was never really into it and gradually I lost interest too. Lost interest in sex that is, not her. She seems to be more interested in it now, but I think it's because she reads articles saying there is something wrong with being in a sexless relationship not that she really wants it. I rather have no sex than bad or boring sex.

"Sex Is Like Pizza, Even When It's Bad It's Still Pretty Good".

... for most guys, I think.

@Banana Each to their own and everything, but I can't help wondering what the reaction would be if a man posted that he'd issued his wide an ultimatum to have sex at least one a week or she would have to leave?

I've endured duty sex before and it's rubbish and totally unsatisfying and unfulfilling. I'd rather go without, which is where we're at currently and in the midst of our first counselling sessions.

@Fiire I'm pretty much where you are - the very infrequent sex is so dull, vanilla and lacking in any desire, enthusiasm or 'need' on her part that it makes me just not what to bother. Unlike you though, I still have a strong sex drive, just not for my wife, as the rejection and feeling undesired makes me fantasise about others. I'd never cheat, but the desire for my wife has fallen away due to the constant erosion of my self esteem.

@waterSpider Not for this guy - bad sex is bad sex and I'd rather not bother. Hard to get any enjoyment from a parter that shows no hunger, desire, enthusiasm, passion, spirit or even basic technique.

Each to their own and everything, but I can't help wondering what the reaction would be if a man posted that he'd issued his wide an ultimatum to have sex at least one a week or she would have to leave?

If the wife were working from home and watching porn and wanking every day but had no interest in sex, I expect the tone would be quite supportive.

Your wife has no sex drive and yet she’s still giving you “duty sex” because she’s trying to make you happy, and yet I’m sure she sees you slagging her off on here because it’s not enough. Vile.

OP if he were 10 years older I’d think you were married to my ex because it sounds identical. He doesn’t need to be using webcams to lose sensitivity and interest in sex - porn is more than sufficient. His gradual inability to be aroused by real life sex is a pretty textbook sign of a severe porn addiction.

I know you wrote this a couple of months ago, so just checking if you’re okay. Honestly being in a relationship with a porn addict absolutely destroyed me emotionally - it was soul destroying. I was fortunate we didn’t have kids so I could leave.

I get quickly bored with partners quickly so find it difficult to cum. If I play away I get excited and cum. Something to do with the danger.