Recently single, don't want relationship, I still have needs

[Lou55]

Hi,
My husband and I split 8 months ago, we had been together 20 years. I had been considering ending the marriage for a couple of years before. I had communicated this various times to him, but we couldn't seem to sort things out. I have made the right decision.

I have no desire to get into another relationship at the moment, but would love to have safe sex, when I say safe I mean for me to be safe from harm and also the usual safe sex. I want it to be mutual and respectful. At 50 I don't want to go out and pick up a guy.

How can I do this, or am I asking for too much?
Lou

I understand where you are coming from. You need a friend and lover. Something that is not overbearing. Something where you can live your single life and join up with someone for dinner, lunch, movies, walk, coffee and be intimate with. Without all the shit that comes from a relationship.
It is unconventional, doesn't comply with societal norms but is what you want.
Have a read of relationship anarchy. It will help define it a little better.
Practically you can go onto POF or OKC and put it out there, that way you can vet people before meeting with them. This could be hard work but fruitful.

The biggest rule is to keep safe at all times.
HTH's

It sounds viable, but is not for everyone. You say you don’t want a relationship, but these special friend scenarios naturally develop into them. You will need to be VERY careful, there are lots of scumbags who prey on decent, well-intentioned women like yourself.
Invest in a few toys for now and, when ready, start dating again. This is sound advice and I hope you take it.

I've wondered about male escort, however I don't know where to start. Is there anyone who has used a male escort?

I was considering using a male escort agency but they are REALLY difficult to come by (and I live in Amsterdam ffs!!!). The male escorts I found offered services to men, so no use for me. I think women are supposed to dress up and pick men up in bars but I don't want that.

It's possible. The question is can you separate your feelings from your immediate needs?

A friend of mine has this, a friend with benefits. A bloke she knew years ago who lives 100 miles away, she occasionally (every couple of months) goes to see him, gets what she needs, comes home and looks forward to next time.
She’s recently come out of a longish relationship and has a couple of kids (her meet-ups are always when they’re at their dad’s, and always at his place), he works abroad a lot and is divorced.
AFAIK they got back in touch on FB, but could you not place an ad somewhere explaining you want friendship, not necessarily a relationship?
Isn’t that technically what “companionship” is these days?

It's entirely possible. I would recommend immediate cessation if additional feelings arise though. You need very strong ground rules.

Try Adult Friend Finder. It's a bit erm direct but you could take a look and see what you think. Take your time and don't be railroaded.

Lots of people on the dating thread in Relationships go on the FAB dating site for FWB etc

I wouldnt have thought there would be any problem. Just get on tinder or similar...i guess some social meets before DTD would be preferable so that you could see if he was your kind of man. Male escorts? in reality i think most male escorts are gay or gay for pay or are open to gay or bisexual clients. Do you want to take that risk? Why pay when ou can meet a nice guy and have it for free.

Speaking as a bloke I am sure there will be single men like you are a in similar positions.divorced, bereaved etc.. am in a kind of similar position. Similar age and now single for over a year. I am content with life but would love to share some intimate times with someone special. You may find a male escort is the answer but for me an escort...nope....I need to feel a connection to a partner and for me at least, paying a lady to have sex...yuk. Try signing on to some websites and see who is out there. I am sure there will be men who are just looking to add a notch to the bed post but I am certain there will be genuine men out there who want an exclusive connection but do not want to move in or change your or their life completely...good luck...

Come over to the dating thread (in relationships), there’s many people in the same situation, most don’t want a serious relationship. Let’s of people use FAB, I have use adult friend finder in the past. I split with my exh 4 years ago and didn’t want a relationship for a while, I found several FWB’s. I’m now using dating sites but looking for a relationship.