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Original poster

Boyfriend barely wants sex or any sexual intimacy

14 replies

notenoughbottletonight · 08/02/2019 19:10

I've been with my bf a month, we were seeing each other a few months before that and we're fwb a year before that which grew into us being not only best friends but where we are now. For the last six months though the sex has gone down dramatically. He says he just doesn't get as turned on anymore and can't get it up as easily as he used to. Sex has dwindled to about once a week if that. He's still really affectionate, we kiss/cuddle all the time but sex is rare and when it happens it is over and done with in about half an hour. I'm mid 30's and he's 12 years older than me. I feel I've hit my sexual peak and once a week, if that, just isn't enough. He's worried I'll cheat on him because of it which I definitely won't because I've waited long enough for this relationship to happen and wouldn't ruin it for a one night stand. I love him to much to chuck it away. However I am left feeling frustrated and undesired and it always feels like the white elephant in the room. I'm not sure what to do if anything, or if this is it now and I just literally have to suck it up?

OP posts:
princessTiasmum · 08/02/2019 20:11

Maybe he needs to go and have a checkup at the Drs, he is not that old that sex should have dwindled so much, and if he is anxious about not being up to the job, it will only make things worse
I hope you can both return to what you used to have

Christian77 · 08/02/2019 20:27

Why is the default response on here that there’s something wrong with him and that he needs to see his GP? It’s really quite simple: he’s no longer filled with desire, anticipation or excitement. Meeting occasionally for a good shag is wonderful, but things change, sooner or later for most, when more permanent arrangements are made. This is life and, according to Oscar Wilde, is the reason we shouldn’t marry or commit. Makes you think.

Wherearemymarbles · 08/02/2019 22:17

Sex once a week for a man in his late 40’s isn’t necessarily hugely unusual. Plenty of couples in that age bracket probably have sex once a week.

It probably wont get better and like the pp above i see no reason for him to go to the gp.

Annandale · 08/02/2019 23:47

Sex once a week is pretty good IMO. I think 30 minutes is OK too Blush

It's clearly not good for you. But I think a lot of people would see that as an OK frequency. So he's not so weird or unusual.

I doubt very much, if it's got to this so quickly, that it will go back up in frequency significantly in the future. More likely you'll be on fortnightly/monthly sex within a couple of years.

Can you live with that?

Guavaf1sh · 09/02/2019 00:21

Uh - 30 mins is more than adequate- unless I’ve been living in the dark about this!

StarlightLady · 09/02/2019 03:44

Adequate for what? At 30 minutes you should still be at the beginnings of foreplay.

There are 2 probs here, the frequency and it only being quickies.

The OP really needs to communicate with her partner in a more in depth way. Maybe try for oral only other non - penetrative sex sessions. Start at least partially clothed and after 30 minutes you should still be partially dressed.

Wherearemymarbles · 09/02/2019 11:27

Everyone is different starlight. When we were younger, 30 minutes was enough to do it twice!

Original poster
notenoughbottletonight · 09/02/2019 14:13

Thanks for your replies, I do wonder if it is just normal now for his age. He does tell me he just doesn't know what has happened. We've just gone from loads to literally nothing. It's gone a bit vanilla too, he used to do a lot of tying me up etc and that hasn't happened for months. Foreplay has always been a bit minimum though and oral? Well that literally hasn't happened for about a year, even though I finish him off in my mouth almost every time. I suppose it could dwindle to less again but I'd hope not 😬

OP posts:
Wherearemymarbles · 09/02/2019 14:27

Well that sounds bloody selfish! And quite porno style....

Original poster
notenoughbottletonight · 09/02/2019 14:47

Yeah i suppose it is, in all honesty I'd love him to give me more but I've just gone past asking now. He has a bit of a worry about getting me pregnant, but has always been like that not just with me. So the, stupid in my eyes as it can happen anyway, reason is to prevent that happening 🤷‍♀️ We're on holiday atm and have had a 20 minute session once... I just don't know how much longer I can put up without really saying something.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 09/02/2019 17:38

I think it could be down to mood. The mystique and mystery may have gone for him.
Meeting for an occasional bunk up in a FWB arrangement, is exciting for many. Maybe he misses that?

Original poster
notenoughbottletonight · 09/02/2019 18:21

Maybe it is that, even tho he sYs not. So difficult to understand. I've written a few threads in our relationship...

OP posts:
lilyheather1 · 11/02/2019 13:58

Christ, I'd love to last half an hour! DP always outlasts me!

NotTheFordType · 18/02/2019 07:08

I just literally have to suck it up?

So he can get hard and stay hard during oral?

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