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Original poster

adding a finger!

23 replies

ffswhy · 20/01/2019 00:21

Been with partner for 13 years. Recently sex life has improved immensely as DC are older and we're not exhausted anymore yay.
Dp keeps wanting to try stuff that we haven't done for a while which is fine, I'm dressing up for him and he's being more hands on and listening to what I want however when he's inside me he keeps trying to put his finger in alongside his penis! I almost smacked him the first time he did it because it was a shock and it hurt but according to him women love it and it should make me come quicker Confused.
I don't like it and have told him if he does it again I'll break his finger or his penis as it bloody hurts.
is this a normal thing that men do? He says it is.
He's my only sexual partner and for 5 years when having sex it's been just get the job done nd to to sleep as we were both shattered from working and DC.

OP posts:
FissionChips · 20/01/2019 00:28

I’ve never heard of it, just asked DH and he doesn’t know of it either.
Can’t say I’ve ever seen it on porn.

Maybe he’s got a thing for stretching you out? Or wants to fist you?

Anyway, don’t do anything you don’t like.

Original poster
ffswhy · 20/01/2019 00:30

see i was wondering if he had seen it in porn and thought he'd try.
He's thick enough and sometimes it takes a while for him to get in fully so why he thinks a finger need to be added is ridiculous.
He's rubbish as fingering as it is, all wrong angles and scratchyAngry so we haven't done that in years and he knows why.
Just makes me angry that he didn't ask before trying it and then kept trying

OP posts:
Original poster
ffswhy · 20/01/2019 00:31

penis is thick enough not him*

OP posts:
FissionChips · 20/01/2019 01:00

Sorry, I missed that he keeps trying despite your protestations. That’s really concerning, not suprised you feel angry.

I think you might be better off posting on relationships board, as it sounds more a relationship problem than a sex one.

user14869556378 · 20/01/2019 01:51

Not come across putting finger in as same time as his penis.. yes putting finger somewhere else at the same time, but not there!

Original poster
ffswhy · 20/01/2019 03:54

user To each their own but if he'd tried that one on me I wouldn't have been so forgiving.Shock

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 20/01/2019 07:40

I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with someone tentatively trying something new during “play time” But the answer is simple. It hurts! So stop!

I am in my 40s and had a fair number if bed friends. Certainly, nobody has ever tried that with me over the years.

It’s great to try new things, but you don’t keep on with what doesn’t work for you. And don’t you just love it when men tell women what will make them cum quicker? Aside from that, who says you want to cum quicker?

Original poster
ffswhy · 20/01/2019 10:29

Exactly he seems to think he knows what I will like but I'd appreciate being asked first. I'm all for trying new things but discuss first!

The difference I think is that he doesn't mind what I try with him, he's happy to oblige as since DC our sex life had been very samey samey and boring so he is more than excited that my libido is back.

OP posts:
Mondrian · 20/01/2019 11:29

Why don't you stick your finger up his rectum next time he is in missionary and give him a taste of his own medicine - actually some men enjoy that!

Maybe he has got the wrong end of the stick, tell him his fingers are supposed to go on clit.

Original poster
ffswhy · 20/01/2019 13:05

Ha ha knowing my luck he'd probably like it but I don't really fancy doing that.

Honestly he's quite clumsy with his hands as it is Confused I prefer his hands away from that area, luckily he's good at everything else so it's fine.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 20/01/2019 13:32

Why don't you stick your finger up his rectum next time he is in missionary and give him a taste of his own medicine - actually some men enjoy that!

That’s hardly a punishment, most men love that!

ChilledVibes92 · 20/01/2019 18:08

I think hes getting confused about rubbing your clit with a finger, someones probably told him to use a finger while hes inside you and hes got the wrong idea Blush

Original poster
ffswhy · 20/01/2019 18:59

I usually erm help myself while he's inside so I can see how he may have got confused about where the finger should go Grin.
I'm glad it's not an actual thing though because I wouldn't be able to get on board with that. way too painful and weird feeling.

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Original poster
ffswhy · 20/01/2019 19:01

I've told him not to do it and he says he won't but still doesn't understand why I don't like it. He says if I tried it I would like it.

How can i make sure he doesn't try it again I feel like I'm going to be on edge next time waiting for him to 'surprise' me with something else.

OP posts:
XiCi · 20/01/2019 19:32

Yeah I think he's definitely heard something but got the wrong end of the stick ie the wrong hole Grin

Hidingtonothing · 22/01/2019 03:23

Sounds to me like you need a general rule, new things need to be discussed beforehand. I would be livid at being told I 'should' enjoy something though, he is aware that everyone's different presumably?

wishywashy6 · 28/01/2019 23:00

I've tried most things but can't say this is something that's ever occurred!
Yes to the other hole but not both in the same one 🤷🏼‍♀️

Njordsgrrrl · 29/01/2019 08:26

Not a thing imo. And "penis is thick enough, not him" has made my morning 😁

PussGirl · 29/01/2019 20:02

My DP has seen this in porn but we both agree there isn't room, so he doesn't try. He's fairly thick & I'm very tight Grin

PussGirl · 29/01/2019 20:03

And yes, I mean the penis - HaHaHa Njordsgrrrl Smile

Original poster
ffswhy · 29/01/2019 20:34

I'm happy to report he's not tried this since, I can't imagine any woman liking it to be honest, it hurt like hell and he hadn't even gotten it in!
I Don't know what's gotten into him as he's trying different ways of using his tongue whilst he's going down on me and that I'm not complaining about.Grin

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 04/02/2019 21:55

As a civvy I've slept with dozens of very adventurous men in the last 20 years and not one has ever suggested or tried this.

I watch a lot of porn and I think I've seen this in ONE film which was specifically focussed on "multiple insertions" (the star ended up with two guys in her vagina at once.)

As a sex worker I have slept with thousands of men - none have tried this and any that did would have their booking terminated without a refund!

Annandale · 06/02/2019 21:27

You've explained it really well here. He tried it, you hated it, you've asked him not to do it again, he keeps going on about it and you're starting to tense up in case he does it again. He's on a royal road to your libido dropping off again - does he actually want that??

Also, if he's shit at fingering, buy a subscription to omgyes, find the bits that work for you and tell him to go practice on those.

I do have a tiny eyeroll at the numerous male comments of 'if only she'd tell me what she wants' - and I know it does happen that women don't - when so often we do say, in so many words, only to have it completely ignored.

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