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Original poster

Watching partner have sex

19 replies

Pigeonpies · 19/01/2019 22:58

Pigeonpies

My DP and I are fairly open minded when it comes to sexual experiences and lately we’ve been discussing the idea of him watching me have sex with another man.

Does any one have any experiences like this? Was there any jealousy or weirdness after the event?
We’ve both agreed we’d have to be in a secure frame of mind before actually ever doing it.
Just wondering your thoughts or experiences?

smile

OP posts:

Mondrian · 20/01/2019 11:42

You both have to be very open, honest & secure in your relationship for it to work. Jealousy will be there to some extent and there might be some residual negative feelings afterwards but as long as you are both open an honest and talk it through afterwards you'll be fine and even stronger in your relationship. A lot depends on the 3rd party too, dynamics of a 3 way relationship is 3 times as hard as a 2 way.

If you end up with a long list of do's and don'ts (boundaries) then you are not ready for it.

Jason118 · 21/01/2019 13:06

One thing to discuss is what happens afterwards if one of you thinks it's amazing and one doesn't. How do you handle that dynamic?

FleurNancy · 03/02/2019 23:49

DH and I talked about this. We started watching porn together and considered camming to get the "being watched" box ticked but it was logistically difficult to set up with kids who could wander in without much notice! So after reading a thread on here we joined a website called Fabswingers and have since had two couple on couple meets in hotels. I'm not that fussed about watching DH with another woman but he enjoys watching me with another man and with a woman plus more hands makes light work! I'm quite surprised how things have panned out to be honest! Taking naughty pictures and posting them online was also incredibly hot initially. Now I feel a bit like I've seen it all!

FleurNancy · 03/02/2019 23:50

We haven't had a meet with just a single man yet because we're both quite enjoying playing with another woman but it's on the cards, lucky me!!

xpc316e · 04/02/2019 14:54

I was involved in a threesome for quite a while. There was no jealousy whatsoever; in fact after I used to stay the night, the husband and I would go for breakfast in a nearby cafe while the wife got the children up for school.

It was my first threesome relationship, but not theirs. It was a very loving and respectful relationship and despite moving away 15 years ago, I still drop in for a coffee if I am in the area.

NotTheFordType · 04/02/2019 23:28

You need to think through very thoroughly what your expectations, wants, needs and boundaries are before even approaching anyone or putting up a profile.

If you PM me I can send you a link to an article I wrote for couples thinking about their first threesome. (I wrote it for couples looking for MFF but it can equally apply to MMF or doubles.)

Anotherblokelurking · 05/02/2019 01:42

OP is talking about being watched by her partner having sex with another man, cuckolding, rather than a threesome in which he would participate?

NotTheFordType · 05/02/2019 06:13

@Anotherblokelurking
I assume you were replying to me.
It's irrelevant which physical acts take place, OP and her partner still need to discuss boundaries.

EG - "I'm happy with you fucking the other person but I don't feel comfortable with you giving or receiving oral/french kissing the 3rd party/having anal" etc etc. There may be some very intimate and trusting Ds play between the two which isn't shared with a special guest star.

I'm not necessarily reading cuckold in the OP, could also be hot-wife f fantasy. TBH, I don't like to label things - if they are good then that's great, if they're not good then that needs looking at.

MarieG10 · 05/02/2019 06:15

I think some find it a powerful fantasy as you both do, but once you step over that threshold you can't go back. We are all inherently jealous creatures and I think you have to be very controlled to watch another man with your DP.

I could maybe understand it as a bit of a wild experience when not in a LT relationship, but I would be sure I would be too jealous watching my DH with and especially being inside another woman

Plus ...would it bring out any other insecurities for you...ie she is thinner, has bigger boobs etc?

xpc316e · 05/02/2019 09:29

MarieG10, I am not going to agree with your notion that we are all inherently jealous creatures. Even if it were so, there are many who would appear to have conquered that destructive emotion.

I have been married to a jealous partner and she certainly didn't need to have another woman in our bed to cause her to develop concerns over whether she had better boobs, legs, etc. All it took was for me to have to work with that woman for a day for that destructive characteristic to raise its ugly head.

Whether or not one is in a threesome, one needs to erase jealousy in order to lead a normal life.

FleurNancy · 07/02/2019 00:09

We are all inherently jealous creatures

Not sure I agree either. I've watched DH have sex with two other women in recent weeks as part of our swinging lifestyle. Doesn't do an awful lot for me in terms of turning me on but doesn't make me at all jealous either, I know it's me he wants all day every day and am totally secure with that.

Namechangerforthistopic · 26/02/2019 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dottypotter · 01/04/2019 15:39

Are you sure your partner loves you. If you love someone you dont really want to see them have sex with someone else do you?

xpc316e · 01/04/2019 17:30

dottypotter, what wouldn't work for you does sometimes work for other people. I was in a loving threesome relationship for some time many years ago and the husband had no problems watching his wife have sex with me.

My current partner has no desire to have sex outside our relationship, but if she wanted to do so, I would have no issues with it happening and watching her if she wanted me too.

It may seem unconventional to you, but it works for those who have conquered the potential jealousy and have opened their minds to relationships other than the traditional ones.

Christian77 · 01/04/2019 20:06

All I can think of is disease.

No, don’t go there.

EmmaC78 · 01/04/2019 20:59

All I can think of is disease.

This comment doesn't really make sense. The OP didn't say anything about not practising safe sex nor about not getting checked before doing anything.

dottypotter · 02/04/2019 11:25

If a partner loves you why want to see you with someone else. Also when that fantasy has been done what next where does it end.

xpc316e · 02/04/2019 13:35

dottypotter, if a partner loves you why would they want you to be in pain? Answer - sadism. Why might you want to experience pain? Answer - masochism. There is a whole world of non-vanilla sex out there, much of which I don't 'get', but as long as everyone is willing then who am I to judge someone else's practices?

I have never watched my partner being sexually pleasured by another person, but I know that as something of a voyeur I would find it incredibly exciting. I have never been a jealous person, so that pernicious emotion probably would not enter into it.

Christian77 · 03/04/2019 20:03

Your reply is incredibly naive.

How unsexy is it to carefully contrive what you can and can’t do, what you can and can’t touch, kiss, lick etc

And then, even if you’ve stuck to your restrictions, to wonder if you might have become yet another herpic.

Dire.

What’s the point in having that kind of sex?

Sad in my book, but each to their own.

Flip

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