Cocks scared of condoms?!!

[Makeuplover43]

Ok, so I’d like some opinions and practical advice about this problem. I’ve been separated from my husband of 22 years for over a year now. Since getting back on the dating scene I’ve met some great guys and things have progressed physically to the having sex stage with three of them in total.
Each guy has been in their late 40s or very early 50s. Everything has been great between us, very compatible and we’ve both been eagerly wanting to have sex. Here comes the problem....I’m not on birth control as I cannot take anything hormone based for various reasons. I’m also not keen on the copper coil as this can also have side effects. So I’m left with having to ask a guy to use condoms. Each guy that I’ve tried to have sex with has no problem getting hard or maintaining it for quite a while, but the minute they’ve tried to put a condom on they lose it.
My current man is absolutely wonderful and we’d both so love to have sex but this is a stumbling block. I know there’s more to sex than penetration and we’ve enjoyed oral with each other.
Has this happened to anyone else? I’m guessing it’s a psychological problem as getting and maintaining an erection is easy until a condom is introduced. How do we resolve this? Any practical tips to get him over the mental hurdle of learning that a condom does not automatically equal loss of an erection? Thanks for any help you can give xx

Have you tried using flavoured condoms? The flavours are not exactly gourmet, but a little oral after it has gone on can make all the difference. Or try putting one on wiith your mouth.

Nothing psychological at all! Condoms kill the sensation for many guys, no matter how thin they are. This is particularly true of intact, non-circumcised mean, for whom the wonderful pleasure of the foreskin sliding over the glans is removed when condoms are involved. Why not try using a female condom? You might then begin to appreciate where these guys were coming from.

Thanks starlightlady, will consider trying what you’ve suggested.

Christian77 well if most guys don’t like using them I’m well and truly fu**ed....or not as the case may be

Actually, Christian77, it's particularly true of circumcised men rather than uncircumcised men, many of whom have already been desensitised by the exposure of the glans. Adding a condom to that means the sensation is vastly reduced.

It does reduce sensation, which could make it harder to maintain an erection. Particularly as with age there may already be reduced sensation and difficulty with maintaining erections. And also they might be unused to the feel of it, which is the "psychological" issue you mentioned.

Have you tried putting it on for him? At least then he won't have the distraction of fiddling around with it and can focus on enjoying the experience of being intimate with you.

It is so good that the OP is embracing her female sex positive attitude. I am sure that with a little practice you will be able to perform all sorts of condom tricks that work.

Also, it is important to discuss things and communicate with your partner.

Finally, remember sexual health is paramount. Do not be tempted to take risks because of a few difficulties.

TooTrue, yes, I’ll definitley try putting it on for him. I’m out of practice but hey, practice makes perfect!

Starlight I couldn’t agree more about the importance of communication. I don’t want to make a huge deal about it with him but it’s important to discuss what’s happening and how to help the situation. He thinks I’ll want to find someone else who doesn’t have these problems but I don’t want anyone else. I’m determined to work through it and have told him there’s no rush or pressure.

For those saying that it reduces sensation, I’m assuming your talking about once the guy has penetrated his girl. His problem is that he can’t get that far. As soon as it’s on he loses the erection so that’s why I’m saying I think his problem is more psychological.

Thanks for the replies, any more advice is very welcome! xx

His problem is that he can’t get that far. As soon as it’s on he loses the erection so that’s why I’m saying I think his problem is more psychological.

That does seem strange. I find it very hard to belief a man (I'm one myself) could have a full-blown erection reduced to a flop as a physical response to donning a condom. Maybe he has partial ED and the temporary cessation of activities and faffing around is enough to put the final coffin in his nail. Have you checked yourself to see if he's fully hard at the critical point?

Well he’s not the only man that’s happened to with me. The previous one lost his erection almost immediately after putting the condom on too. He said at the time that he just didn’t like using condoms and that thought is in his head when he puts one on and that caused him to lose it.

Bigger size condoms that are less tight might help.

That’s a good idea Hertsessex, where can I find those??

Single blokes on the casual sex dating scene should absolutely be using condoms anyway. Yes it interrupts the flow but if you’re doing it regularly you get used to it. And yes, make it part of the fun, have a laugh even. When I had a woman holding my cock and balls as I put a condom on it felt great. Take hold, tell him how hard it feels and you can’t wait to ....... you know

Often it's the tightness of the condom that causes problems

Lots of men get it.

To quote Friends 'its not that unusual'...

Personally I would not have sex without a condom on when just dating/casual - and wouldn't sleep with a lady who suggests otherwise.

And personally, the slight reduction in feel is not a bad thing when you can be over excited during first few sex sessions. Slows things down nicely, prevents cumming too soon.

You’re right anotherblokelurking, I think it’s because he’s not used to using them that the flow is completely interrupted. The more we try, the easier and more normal it will become for him I’m hoping.

outdooryone there’s no way I will suggest not using condoms. As I said earlier, I’m not on birth control and don’t fancy being pregnant again at the age of 44!

I don't think you have much choice but to use condoms if not in a LT relationship otherwise you risk your own health. I'm not sure it really matters whether circumcised or not....my husband didn't notice

Actually, AllFallDown, you misunderstand entirely the point I’m making: the circumcised penis has a relatively dead glans, whether you put in in a rain coat or not. The dramatic difference is with the natural penises, for which condoms restrict the pleasurable movement of the foreskin.

I'm this age range and have no difficulty putting on and staying hard, unless perhaps there was some internal anxiety about the event, in which case the interruption and fumbling to put it on may not help. There is no doubt that a condom reduces pleasurable sensations during the act. Not quick sure what it is, it seems to disrupt the normal friction of thrusting. Trying to incorporate it in to your love play as condom marketeers creatively promote might help I guess. Seems amazing there isn't a male contraceptive pill available yet.